Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 2 Sept. ’19

Maryland Science Center in Baltimore MD. Saved from and designed by the Design Collective.

Braun Strowman and Seth Rollins are going to sign a contract for the Universal Championship. They’re doing that cute-sie insult without insulting the other baby face routine. Rollins is ready to “Slay a Monster.” Rollins signs the contract. The OC interrupts. AJ Styles has the mic. He wonders why Strowman is getting a shot at Rollins before he does since the US Champion should be No. 1 Contender. Styles tells Michael Cole that “He’ll slap your teeth down your throat” if he interrupts again. Inevitably, a brawl ensues.

We get a tag team match after the break. Rollins & Strowman have control much of the early part of the match. the real turning point is Styles attacking on the outside while the referee is distracted by Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows. We don’t see much of the Rollins beat down because of a commercial break. Strowman cleans house. When he does get knocked woosie, Rollins tags in. He cleans house too. Roll up of Anderson for the win. Styles attacks Rollins after the match. Rollins gets an opening but not for long. Strowman accidentally runs him over. Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode come down to help the guys that just insulted them. Strowman ends up taking a Magic Killer & a Flying Forearm to leave the heels standing tall.

Charley Caruso interviews Cedric Alexander about taking on Baron Corbin in King of The Ring. He ends up getting assaulted by The OC. He’s definitely been given an out to lose later tonight.

Roode & Ziggler are still out there to take on Curt Hawkins & Zack Ryder. Hawkins & Ryder get in about the same amount of offense in every one of their loses. Glorious DDT for the credit building win. They could use another one next week.

Lacey Evans is coming to the ring. Natalya‘s music hits. She sprints down the ramp and attacks Evans. Natalya is really taking it to Evans. We get the normal face early/heel working over the baby format. Natalya makes a comeback She gets two after a discus clothesline. Evans distracts Natalya with her handkerchief. Woman’s Right while Nattie is distracted for the win. Poor Michael Cole & Renee Young have to defend dumb bell Natalya.

Becky Lynch is out to respond to Sasha Banks. Lynch calls her a “Weirdo” which makes me scratch my head. She tries to center the talk by saying how much it must sting that Bayley has been successful since dropping Banks. But she goes on to call Sasha a “Freak.” Banks finally comes out to fire back. Banks is jealous of what Lynch has accomplished because it should of been her. Banks promises to make The Man her “Bitch” at Clash of Champions.

Baron Corbin comes out for the KoTR match. CEdric Alexander is still hurting from the earlier beat down. Corbin connects on his Ring Around The Rosie Clothesline for the first time in a while. Alexander turns it around. Alexander connects with a Suicide Dive. Alexander gets hung up in a Tree of Woe. Corbin rams his injured shoulder into the ring post. Corbin keeps working over the shoulder. Alexander creates an opening with an enziguri. Spinebuster gets Corbin a two count. He acts like that was a finisher for some reason freaking out after it doesn’t pin Alexander. Cedric tries for the Stellite DDT. Corbin turns it into a Deep Six. Corbin should have freaked out after that kick out. Alexander dodges a charging Corbin who runs into the post. Alexander rams him into the ring post four more times. Alexander flip dives onto Corbin on the outside. Alexander gets a two count from a single leg top rope drop kick. Corbin rocks the ropes when Alexander goes for a spring board. End of Days for the win. Quite a compliment for Alexander to hang in there that long.

Charley gets to talk to Bayley about Sasha Banks, again. She doesn’t respond, again. Bayley doesn’t want to get into her personal talk with Banks after her comments last week about their Tag Team Title reign. Bayley says the Smackdown Live Women’s Championship and she won’t be over shadowed by Becky Lynch. I’ve been digging Bayley having an edge.

The Local Talent taking on The Viking Experience get mic time. Making fun of Baltimore always wins points for me. Tyler Hastings wins for highest Viking Experience toss.

Sasha Banks tells new woman to beat it after asking about Bayley teaming with Becky Lynch tonight.

Samoa Joe cuts a short promo in the ring. He thinks “King Samoa Joe” has a nice ring to it. Ricochet’s promo is recorded back stage. Ricochet thinks Joe is over looking him. Ricochet will never see him coming. Joe starts working over Ricochet’s legs. It reaches a high point when Joe drops Ricochet on his own knees with force. Joe catches Ricochet charging in and gives him a Urinogi. Joe drags him outside and suplexes him into the barricade. An enzigurin creates an opening. Drop kick drops Joe. Ricochet gets two after a spring board clothes line and Standing Shooting Star Press. Joe’s power slam is a thing of beauty. Ricochet lands a Moonsault from inside to outside the ring. Ricochet knocks Ricochet off balance on the ropes. Samoa Joe locks in the Kokina Clutch on the top rope. Ricochet pushes them both off the top rope. They pin each other. The referee counts tow three. Joe and Ricochet fight after the ref leaves ring side without rendering a decision.

Braun Strowman complains about Steve Austin being Rollins “Boy.” Rollins tells him he won’t stab Strowman in the back at Clash of Champs. And that Austin does what he wants to do.

Bray Wyatt apologizes for what the Fiend did to Finn Balor. He feeds Vince McMahon’s devil puppet money so that he won’t get fired. Unlike Rollins & Strowman, Wyatt has learned to work with his team.

Baron Corbin is excited to get a Bye in KoTR. John Cone tells us that it will be a three man match next week for the semi-finals with Samoa Joe, Ricochet & Corbin.

Rey Mysterio gushes about Dominic. I still feel awkward about this story. One of our recent prime signings is washed. Then why did he get signed?

Cesaro is taking on The Miz this week for reasons. I didn’t pay attention because it didn’t matter. The Miz wins with a Skull Crushing Finale. I weep. Please clear Sheamus to wrestle.

Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross take on Becky Lynch & Bayley. The match is moments old when Sasha Banks shows up. Bayley gets to take a beating so that Bliss & Cross can tag in and out while working her over. Bayley tosses Bliss outside the ring. She catches Cross in the ropes and gives her a neck breaker. Bliss stops the tag momentarily. Lynch gets the hot tag. Lynmch gets two off a middle rope leg drop. Lytnch takes out Bliss & Cross. Banks enters and gives Lynch a back stabber causing a DQ. Banks attacks with a chair. Bayley looks like she’s stopping the beating then attacks Lynch with a chair. Everyone cheers because we live in that sort of Era.

Kevin DiFrango

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