Almost Live, DEfinitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 27 Jan. ’20

San Antonio Courthouse designed by J. Riely Gordon. Jonathan Ivy Photography.

They do a video package recapping most of the important parts of the Royal Rumble PPV. Drew McIntyre gets to hit the ring first. He can’t believe what happened last night. He did away with the drama and named Brock Lesnar as his opponent at Wrestlemania. McIntyre then makes an open challenge. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson answer the challenge. They both get their wish. McIntyre makes short of them. They were stacked on top of each other as he made the pin. Brock Lesnar then attacked from behind as McIntyre celebrated.

Rey Mysterio comes to the ring. We get news that Montel Vontavious Porter is back on Raw. Cool. I did not expect them to be opponents. A kick to the face gets the momentum in MVP’s corner. Rey trips MVP into the turn buckles. Rey does it to him again with a head scissors take over. Rey gets caught on a spring board. Ballin’ Spot. MVP goes for a power bomb. Mysterio gets him in position for the 619. He goes for it then MVP moves but he sells it. Rey Spring Board dives onto him for the win.

Aleister Black takes more time getting to the ring than having a match yet again. Much better than waiting for someone to knock on your door. Black doesn’t want us blaming Buddy Murphy or Seth Rollins. He alone is to blame for losing in the Royal Rumble match.

Seth Rollins & Buddy Murphy hit the ring to take on Kevin Owens & Samoa Joe. Rollins gets the microphone and mentions how close he was to winning the RR last night. He warns Drew that the fans will turn on him in an instant. Hahaha. Kevin Owens & Samoa Joe have microphones as they walk onto stage. KO tells Rollins that he’s delusional. Samoa Joe tells Rollins that he knows AoP is hiding somewhere to attack. Rollins goes to a camera shot of them back stage. Joe isn’t buying the parlor tricks. Rollins tells them that AoP is in their locker room. The Viking Raiders then attack them to keep them out of the equation.

We get the match after a commercial break. Samoa Joe lands awkwardly going for a suicide dive. It ends up taking him out of the match. KO starts getting the 2 on 1 beat down. Rollisn tags in fresh. KO was going for the non-existent Samoa Joe. KO gets in a Frog Splash but quickly succumbs to the odds. KO connects with a Pop Up Power Bomb. Rollins kicks out. Murphy gets in. Murphy goes for a Superplex. KO fights him off. Swanton gets a two count that Rollins breaks up. Rollins goes for the draping Stomp but KO moves. Rollins pursues. KO stuns him. Murphy rolls up KO for the win.

Charley Caruso wonders how the victory over Asuka has felt to Becky Lynch. She wonders why she ever doubted herself. She has proven everyone wrong and done everything that she has predicted. She’s ready to kick someone’s ass just for fun. Lynch is ready for Charlotte if she decides to challenge her.

Andrade has a stipulation in his contract that he can only take on other Latinos in the ring. I’m joking of course but the number of Rey Mysterio and Humberto Carrillo matches makes it seem that way. Carrillo connects with the twisting moonsault just before the break. Andrade put him in some weird reverse crab like submission. Carrillo gets on a roll. A moonsault gets a two count. Carrillo goes for a spring board but gets knocked off the ropes by Andrade. Carrillo connects with a pair of spin kicks. Carrillo connects with a top rope moonsault. Zelina Vega breaks up the pin and causes a DQ. Carrillo snaps. He uncovers the concrete. Hammerlock DDT by Carrillo on the concrete.

Charlotte comes out to do some bragging. She is not going to pick her opponent for WM just yet. It would have been pretty weird if both winners declared tonight. Asuka & Kairi Sane come out. Asuka just starts yelling at Charlotte. When she gets into the ring Asuka says “If I would have been in the Royal Rumble, I would have won it.” Charlotte construes that as a challenge. Neither of them back down. Asuka gwts to start fast. Charlotte starts working the leg. Asuka fires back but is slowed by the leg. Asuka locks in the Octopus. Flair powers out. She backs Asuka into the corner and keeps chopping her. Asuka pushes Charlotte off the top rope to the floor. Asuka gets a two count from a bulldog. Charlotte dodges a top rope drop kick. Charlotte connects with a regular drop kick. Charlotte gets a two from a Big Boot. Asuka counters into a ground Octopus. They jockey for position. Flair powers out. Power Bomb but she couldn’t take advantage. Charlotte connects with a Spear for a two count. Charlotte starts to lock in the Figure 8. Asuka fights so that they’re positioned in the corner. Kairi Sane with the Insane Elbow to cause the DQ.

Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford do their Raw Round Up. Kelly Kelly joins them for reasons.

Mojo Rawley has an Offensive Lineman Riddick Moss. Sure, change this championship. It can morph. You just made it up. No Way Jose has a longer entrance than match length. He loses though. Mojo with a dominant defense of the 24/7 Championship. Hot Dog surprises Mojo Rawley for the win. It was R Truth. Moss keeps him from leaving. Mojo flattens him for the win.

Lana is taking on Liv Morgan with Lashley & Rusev banned from ring side. Lana takes control pretty easily. Morgan turns it around with a step up enziguri. Morgan Stomps Lana. Sling Shot Flat Liner for the win by Morgan.

Erick Rowan had another match. I don’t need to not the obvious outcome.

Edge gets to close the show. He gets emotional about his return. He wants to end his career on hsi terms. He’s not sure how long he’ll last but he’s going to give it a whirl. Randy Orton comes out. They hug. ORton comploiments him for pulling him out of some bad situations back in the day. Orton then asks if they should get Rated RKO back together. Just as Edge looks excited about it, RKO. Orton proceeds to assault him with a chair. Orton puts Edge’s head in an open folded chair. He perches on the middle rope but doensn’t commit to it. Orton takes off that chair. He grabs two more though. One man Con-Chair-To by Orton. Everyone is stunned. People really love to put them in harms way upon return from injuries.

Kevin DiFrango

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