John Cena injured (VIDEO UPDATE), Shelton Benjamin sad (about something else)

Drinking out of a red plastic cup? That's cool.

According to reports at Prowrestling.net, John Cena injured his leg during a steel cage match against Wade Barrett at a house show in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., on Tuesday night. The link posted above describes Cena giving Barrett a bulldog, then being unable to immediately get up. Boy, as if John Cena wasn’t already the modern-day Hulk Hogan, now he’s landing on his butt all the time doing this bulldog (like Hogan landing the legdrop), and maybe Cena’s coccyx couldn’t handle it anymore. Let’s fast-forward past the “he’s gonna miss WrestleMania” talk and wonder if Cena will talk about FU’ing the 19,000-pound Big Show in front of one million people at Madison Square Garden before going in for seven back surgeries in a row. Come on, man, avoid these stingers and put more padding in your jorts!

(VIDEO UPDATE: Once again, Prowrestling.net pulls it out: Some fan with a nice camera they snuck past security took this footage of Cena’s post-match speech and hobbling out of the ring. Yeeouch)

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Shelton Benjamin has spoken out against whomever attended a recent memorial for the late former WWE superstar Umaga, as the person snapped pictures of other wrestling talent and then sold them to TMZ. (As much as it upsets Benjamin, I’m afraid I have to post the TMZ link, right here, as it’s simply my journalistic duty.) Benjamin, on his Twitter account, said:

Ekkie’s memorial was both personal and private and not for public display, so it really pisses me off to see a trust betrayed. But I will root out this piece of shit who did this.

And then, like his WWE career, he’ll get bored with rooting in a few days and go back to playing video games. -Eric

Melina Injured- Updated

Word going around the Torch forum campfire is that Melina is injured. Remember when she started out in WWE with MNM and she was sexy, and the gimmick was cool, and everything was Old Lady Wilcox and you thought this was going to be the greatest thing ever? So then they turned her babyface and she’s the worst babyface in wrestling history. And now she’s injured and will be missed by no one. Sadface Boulevard. - Dusty

OK so it is official, according to Prowrestling.net. What a shame, at least this gives her time to take some acting classes. You know, so she isn’t totally unbelievable as a face. -Jeremy

Oh, for god’s sake, Batista’s out again

Nope, nothing fishy here. (Borrowed from UK Sun; well give it back if we have to.)

Nope, nothing fishy here. (Borrowed from UK Sun; we'll give it back if we have to.)

We all knew this was coming, but now it’s official: According to Prowrestling.net (by way of WWE.com), Batista will be out for up to four months after having surgery today on a completely torn left biceps. I don’t know if I’m allowed to reprint the actual content of the post made by user ClassicsGuy on the PWTorch.com VIP Forum (sign up today!), but CG helpfully noted that this is Buttista’s sixth muscle tear in six years (remember his two triceps tears in a row, then his back, then his triceps again that kept him off WrestleMania 22, then his hamstring that kept him from this year’s WrestleMania?). I bet if he takes lots of vitamins and prays real, real hard, he can come back in three months, looking even more like a relief map of South America.

Listen, Dave, let’s talk, man to man… how do you expect to pull in nonstop road ass WHEN YOU’RE NOT ON THE ROAD?! Instead of tearing your biceps, why don’t you put down the chewables and tear up some snooch? Or at least let me know who your Des Moines ass is, since you won’t be here next week. Thanks. -Eric

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