We all knew this was coming, but now it’s official: According to Prowrestling.net (by way of WWE.com), Batista will be out for up to four months after having surgery today on a completely torn left biceps. I don’t know if I’m allowed to reprint the actual content of the post made by user ClassicsGuy on the PWTorch.com VIP Forum (sign up today!), but CG helpfully noted that this is Buttista’s sixth muscle tear in six years (remember his two triceps tears in a row, then his back, then his triceps again that kept him off WrestleMania 22, then his hamstring that kept him from this year’s WrestleMania?). I bet if he takes lots of vitamins and prays real, real hard, he can come back in three months, looking even more like a relief map of South America.
Listen, Dave, let’s talk, man to man… how do you expect to pull in nonstop road ass WHEN YOU’RE NOT ON THE ROAD?! Instead of tearing your biceps, why don’t you put down the chewables and tear up some snooch? Or at least let me know who your Des Moines ass is, since you won’t be here next week. Thanks. -Eric