Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of @ImpactWrestling

Posted on December 7, 2012 by stuntgranny

Destination

I figured since Final Destination is on Sunday, I may as well do a de facto preview. I’ve got a couple of hours before I go out drinking with my buddy who is in town from Pittsburgh.

Kazarian starts off by call us choads. You deserve the shit you’re given. Bobby Roode cuts a fair enough program but I’m not sure why he’d put this double albatross around his neck. Christopher Daniels is OK at being insincere but I’m just so tired of this feud. AJ Styles is cutting an OK promo too. Still bored. Jeff Hardy & James Storm save Styles who picked a bad fight. They replay Austin Aries, Bully Ray & Hulk Hogan. Aries gets to cut the promo. He’s pushed buttons and wants to push more. I guess he likes video games.

I only looked at the headlines on Dot Net this morning so I know someone debuted or came back tonight. I also know that there’s a new TV Champion. Considering it’s a one on one match, the outcome between Samoa Joe and Devon is pretty easy. The match was cheap. Earl is distracted by a hot blonde. I guess that’s what happens since Madison Rayne left. DOC nails Samoa Joe with a hammer. Devon covers for the win. Brooke Hogan is happy about a contract delivery. Hmm, I’m guessing this is the mystery person.

I’m not shocked that they’re continuing this dumb angle with D’Lo Brown and Al Snow. They’re cool but a match is happening between them, right? Mickie James comes out in a dress. She made a pact to win the Knockouts Champion. Well, duh. Tara interrupts to brag about Jesse. Velvet Sky comes out. Three terrible promos in a row. Robbie E is freaking out about paying his insurance. Robbie T is a smart sophisticated European so he knows how to work an iPad. Why did I choose to review this show again?

That was their big promo before wrestling Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez. I don’t care about this match. Shocking, isn’t it? The Mexicans who were both born in the US take on Joey Ryan & Matt Morgan on Sunday. I’m sure Morgan is thinking it was a great idea to re-sign with TNA. Hernandez didn’t injure Robbie T. Chavo wins with the Frog Splash. Joey Ryan interrupts. Morgan attacks from behind. Big Morgan & Big Organ. I’m just angry now. Nothing gets better when Devon acts like he enjoys the strippers “going lesbian”.

Garrett Bischoff & Wes Brisco have Kurt Angle‘s back. I could like the group if Garrett & Brisco could act at all. Chavo barks all day little doggy while Hernandez tries to look tough. They cut the promo short. Jimminy Cricket.

(more…)

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Samoa Joe poses an interesting question on Twitter

Posted on October 26, 2012 by stuntgranny

Samoa Joe wants to know:

I know my many, many answers: Authority figures with real authority… equal weight on the importance of both talking and wrestling, but not equal time, thus the complete abolishment of the 20-minute soliloquy… along those lines, the return of the in-ring/podium/backstage interview that always includes an emcee/announcer/talk-show host… a 7-year statute on “takeover” angles…

What about you? Leave a comment below!

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Stunt Granny Audio #204

Posted on October 16, 2012 by stuntgranny

With a Presidential debate and a Major League Baseball playoff game going on around them, our intrepid heroes Kevin and Dusty are focused on one thing, and one thing only: the major happenings of the last week in the world of professional wrestling! The two contemplate who would have been a better choice to lead the Aces and Eights group in TNA. Would anyone in the known universe have been a better choice than poor, mediocre Devon? They talk about the ponderous Hulk Hogan sex tape, and how HH is no longer b-fri’s with notorious wife swapper Bubba the Love Sponge. Is Jeff Hardy the right choice to lead TNA as its World Heavyweight Champion, or is he a ticking time bomb that you should never put in such a prominent position? Dusty makes his sales pitch for Ryback winning the WWE title, and Kevin is *almost* buying. And the fearless duo finishes things off with a Mount Rushmore of Wrestling Tough Guys, as the backdrop to the alleged altercation between Harley Race and Vader this past week. And a whole lot more nuggets of golden awesomeness, so listen!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #204

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Possible TNA salary information floating around

Posted on October 8, 2012 by stuntgranny

Found this floating around on the internets:

Note 1: There was no information received for the likes of Hulk Hogan, Dixie Carter, Bischoff, and Jeff Jarrett. We have to assume that their contracts are tied up in the corporate end, and not through the system that pays performers.

Note 2: Very few TNA performers get generous “WWE style” perks such as first class travel and hotel comps.

Note 3: TNA do recieve merchandise cut bonuses, these are noted where applicable, although exact figures were not made available to us.

Note 4: As you will observe, TNA downsides are MUCH lower than WWE downsides.

Note 5: Kurt Angle and Sting both have contracts wherein, they are only required to work a certain amount of dates per month.

AJ Styles: $390,500 downside/receives a merchandise bonus – 3 year contract
Abyss: $344,280 downside – 2 year contract
Austin Aries: $145,310 downside – 2 year contract
Bobby Roode: $275,000 downside – 3 year contract
Bully Ray: $305,200 downside – 3 year contract (this is believed to be his previous contract which expired last month)
Chris Sabin: $144,500 downside/receives a merchandise bonus – 2 year contract
Christopher Daniels: $183,000 downside – 2 year contract
Hernandez: $174,220 downside/receives a merchandise bonus – 3 year contract
James Storm: $268,470 downside/ receives a merchandise bonus – 3 year contract
Jeff Hardy: $728,450 downside/ receives a merchandise bonus/travel paid for
Kazarian: $141,000 downside
Kurt Angle: $1,000,000 downside/receives a merchandise bonus/travel and accommodation paid for/maximum of 10 dates per month
Matt Morgan: $350,000 downside – 3 year contract (this is believed to be Morgan’s previous contract)
Mr Anderson: $625,700 downside/receives a merchandise bonus
Rob Van Dam: $680,000 downside/receives a merchandise bonus/travel paid for
Samoa Joe: $400,000 downside/receives a merchandise bonus
Sting: $840,750 downside/receives a merchandise bonus/travel and accommodation paid for/maximum of 10 dates per month
Gail Kim: $150,000 downside/receives a merchandise bonus – 2 year contract
Madison Rayne : $77,400 downside – 2 year contract
Mickie James: $177,940 downside/receives a merchandise bonus/contract allows for flexibility with James’ music career
Sarita: $62,100 downside
Tara: $98,410 downside (this is believed to be Tara’s previous contract)

Don’t know how much, if any of it, is accurate, but if it’s available online, then you know it must be the gospel truth. Like this: Last night aliens abducted Jeremy Maes, ripped his heart out, and replaced it with that of a sheep. So now he bleats when he tries to talk. Take it to the bank. – Dusty

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Stunt Granny Audio 199.5

Posted on September 12, 2012 by stuntgranny

Stunt Granny hit the ground with a loud thud this week. We came to bring you the best available wrestling news but it devolves quickly into talking about a strange Asian man dancing like we will at Eric’s wedding, a cat singing Game of Thrones and one of Kevin’s ridiculous friends’ stories coming out of the US Men’s Soccer match against Jamaica. They start talking about TNA right when Eric joins the fray and start talking about a special kind of breathing. We do get around to some News That You Can Use like, did TNA really have a pay per view this past weekend? They figure out the answer was yes and talk about their odd booking policies. Does James Storm versus Bobby Roode have the same ring without the TNA Title on the line? Why did Jeff Hardy go over? Eric & Jeremy move on to Doug Stanhope’s new stand up act. They try to convince Kevin to go to his show on Friday in Columbus while he silently listens to them babbling. The trio eventually gets to the big news of the week, Jerry Lawler’s heart attack. They ponder whether it is OK to think this might have been a work? What tells gave it away that it wasn’t? After hearing about all of that craziness, don’t you want to click on the link below? Yes you do because that’s why you come to the site.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #199 and a half

Filed under: Audio Updates, Podcasts, PPV Recaps, TNA News, WWE News | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Kurt Angle loves Twitter, hates CM Punk, loves TNA, blows smoke up WWE’s ass

Posted on August 15, 2012 by stuntgranny

We touched on this during the last Stunt Granny Audio, but it’s worth mentioning again: According to Prowrestling.net, Kurt Angle has aired yet another grievance on Twitter, and yet again redacted it. At least this time he didn’t pass off his original Tweet as someone “hacking” his account.

This stems from CM Punk’s comments at the Wizard World nerd convention this past weekend, where a fan asked Punk who from the indies he’d like to wrestle. His answer was Samoa Joe, a TNA superstar. Punk’s response: “You said indy, didn’t you?” Sick burn! Angle, who would gobble TNA’s shaft if it had one, leapt onto Twitter with this:

Punk wants to say TNA is an indy league? I was on top in WWE when you were trying to get a job anywhere. It was my choice to go to TNA. If I ever see you, Punk, hide, bitch.

Yeah, bitch! Remember when I was on top of WWE? Man, those days were great.

Since then, Angle has calmed down and returned to his computer to Tweet:

I apologize to TNA and WWE fans for my comment. I don’t expect Punk to apologize to TNA, but I’m sorry. Respect 4 The Biz. I didn’t apologize to Punk. Only the WWE (and) TNA fans. Punk disrespected TNA. He Has a lot to learn about fame and responsibility.

I’m sure WWE fans who have a vague recollection of him backstage in a child’s cowboy hat appreciate the apology. But frankly, Punk has already learned everything there is to know about fame: Be a dick, let us know you’ve earned that right, spout off and suffer no consequences. Check, check, check aaaand… check. Unless Angle gets ahold of you. Bitch. -Eric

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Shawn Michaels and a Man Who Stole His Chest Hair

Posted on June 6, 2012 by stuntgranny

According to our good friend Jason Powell over at Prowrestling.net, Shawn Michaels will have an Appreciation Night when WWE Raw rolls into San Antonio, Texas on August 6th. I love Michaels, but is there much to appreciate at this point that hasn’t been combed over a million times? Since the WWE will have their expanded third hour in which to replay unlimited video packages, they needed a theme. Shawn Michaels I suppose it’ll be better than turning into a narcoleptic as soon as the Big Show’s 94th video package airs on Raw.

The man on Youtube is Joey Ryan and I’m pretty sure he stole Michaels’s chest hair. He is angry because Bruce Pritchard and Tazz voted him off Gut Check on Impact Wrestling. Ryan compares himself to CM Punk and Daniel Bryan but neglects to mention that they were smart to put their stock in the WWE not a company that kills great indy wrestlers. Have you talked to Samoa Joe about your move? It is a better promo than he cut on Impact before his verdict which tells me TNA has more in store for him until they forget about him like the first contestant on Gut Check who’s name I can’t seem to recall since he hasn’t been on TV since signing his contract. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: #iMPACTWrestling – For The Hell of It

Posted on April 29, 2012 by stuntgranny

I need this head scratcher to figure out Hogan's Open Fight Night concept.

I know I mentioned this in an audio recently but I’m not sure I mentioned it in this space. My levels of reviews are Definitely or Almost Live which happens the night of the show. A Day Late & A Dollar Short is, duh, the next day. For The Hell Of It title says I just want to put content on the site. I’d imagine anyone that wanted to read a review of these shows has done it already. I’m throwing some pity because of their dismal ratings news. Plus, I know I won’t review the show on time this coming week. I have a ticket to go see Mick Foley & the Reverend Bob Levy on Thursday. I’m excited.

I want to vomit already. Hulk Hogan just called Samoa Joe & Brutus Magnus the greatest tag team ever. OK, well, only one champ each “Fight Night” can be called out? Or is Hogan just assigning one title match and the rest of the champs can still be called out? Devon comes out and calls out Bully Ray. I guess the champ can call someone out. All of the roster is hanging out together. Um, why? Just watch from your locker room. Bully Ray turns down the challenge. Shouldn’t Hogan have come out and enforced his won rules? Devon starts the match by attacking Bully Ray on the ramp. At least Taz called the Dudleys the greatest tag team of all time. He was trying to correct Hogan’s nonsense. They probably aren’t but they’re closer than the other clowns. Nothing happening before the commercial break.

Taz & Mike Tenay are praising the concept but doing nothing to help define it. The action has been pretty solid. It’s all familiar stuff. It makes sense they’re going for big shots and power moves. Devon gets the win after a spine buster. I would have liked to have seen him get some more offense in before the pin fall. Austin Aries talks about not being impressed with Bully Ray. Ric Flair is asked about the proper send off for Eric Bischoff. According to Flair, Eric is the greatest promoter of all time. Yep, I’m sure that’s why “his” company got bought by WWE.

Kazarian & Christopher Daniels talked to Kurt Angle. He yells at them for helping him because he doesn’t need anyone’s help. OK then. Jeremy Borash came to the ring. He says that Eric Bischoff is the biggest prick the company has ever had. Borash wants to fight him. Bischoff comes down clapping. As Eric talks, Bully Ray low blows JB. Bischoff pulls his leg up and gets the pin. JB could have kicked out. Ball shots hurt but prove a point. And why does a leaving heel need heat? Or this much camera time? Boy I can’t think of why they’re rating is below 1.0.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #iMPACTWrestling

Posted on April 19, 2012 by stuntgranny

Jeff Hardy's shirt reminds me of Impressionist paintings. This one is Sunrise by Monet, who is a favorite of mine.

James Storm is distraught over not winning the TNA Title. I’m not the biggest fan of this happening. They do make things work. I thought Bobby Roode would have been dropping the title too soon, which I don’t think I’d said in my previous reviews. I still think Storm should have won but they gave him a nice out by having him practically won. Roode comes out to gloat. I’m digging the new hair cut. It fits a suit better. Roode says he has no opponents left which brings out Mr. Anderson. Roode tells him to get to the back of the pack. Jeff Hardy hobbles out. He thinks he deserves a title shot. Him & Anderson argue. Hulk Hogan wants all the champs out in the ring later. Hardy will fight Anderson.

Crimson & Bully Ray team against Matt Morgan & Austin Aries. Morgan starts against Crimson. They continue to do the heavy work but Crimson was on offense most of the time. Aries gets the tag and brings the fun to the match. Bully Ray pulls the trunks to win. Garrett Bischoff is sauntering in the back.

Hardy thinks it’s his turn to get the title. Jeff thinks it was a good call by Hogan for the match. Garrett comes out. The crowd is excited for the guys around him but go silent when he starts talking. He thanks AJ Styles, RVD & Anderson along with Aries in the back. Ric Flair interrupts the blow jobs. Flair tells Garrett the truth when he rips his mic work. This story continues. Please kill me. They bleep the Bischoff for Eric. Woof. If you’re going to rip someone else’s mic work, bring something other than your worst. Christopher Daniels was holding evidence about AJ Styles. Double Ugh.

Magnus & Samoa Joe talk to Devon about the champs meeting. Short & pointless. Kurt Angle is taking on AJ Styles. My cable cut out of the match but went to commercial. I didn’t miss much. Styles is in control after the break. Daniels gives AJ whatever is in the mystery envelope. AJ screams “How’d you get this?” Angle rolls up AJ for the win. If it was AJ this whole time, why did you wait to reveal it? Stop continuing story lines that suck. Joseph Park tries to talk to Gunner. Park wants answers. Gunner tells him to ask Bully Ray because they wrestled together last.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of #iMPACTWrestling

Posted on April 13, 2012 by stuntgranny

I’m doing this blog because I’m pissed about the Penguins booting a second consecutive game. I’m hoping they can return the favor in Philly. Sunday is huge. No excuses here. Philly played better after giving up the initial goals early in both games. You should win any game you score five goals in. Oh well, it’s sports. Once you’ve gone thru real bull shit, this doesn’t look as important. I’m still pretty pissed though. Why else would I be carping?

Fry The Delivery Guy is going to be doing us a solid. He’s going to Lockdown and he’s going to help us bring some extra content. Probably in the verbal variety but we’ve got to work out the details. Let’s roll.

This crowd is awesome. A “We Don’t Care” chant. We don’t care about this guys. Eric Bischoff introduces his team. I don’t care. Garrett Bischoff only announces Mr. Anderson who is going to take on Gunner. We got a commercial. I forgot that the best of three series gets the first in privileges. They tease Garrett’s other team members. Boy, I don’t know, maybe it’ll be the people who are feuding with Eric’s team members? Wow, what a stupid baby face. Anderson gets himself DQed. The crowd evens out chants by chanting “Anderson”. Dummies.

Eric Young is talking to himself. Joseph Park introduces himself. The camera guy gets cute and shows a shot in the mirror. For some reason Park is grilling EY about Abyss. He seemed to give up the second he asked a question to everyone else. Chris Sabin learned about the size of his heart. Alex Shelley gets to run down some facts. I like them going for the titles but it seems a little forced for this PPV. TNA’s problem is the same as WWE’s. No tag team depth. Brutus comes out and challenges them. Joe gets to act tough. Joe can’t be watching WWE these days. Mexican America comes out. That isn’t depth. I’d take the Usos any day of the week. Each of the real tag teams gets to bitch an MA member.

(more…)

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