This has virtually nothing to do with anything, except that Ultimate Warrior (1992) and Giant Gonzalez (1993) did it first. Here’s proof:
Here they are, the top two matches from WrestleMania VII: Superstars and Stripes Forever! The easy first-place winner is Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage in a career match with an ending that either brings tears to everyone’s eyes, or their shoes are on too tight. Second place took a little prodding but went to the underrated tag team title match between the Hart Foundation and the Nasty Boys, managed by Jimmy Hart, who of course “knows all your weaknesses,” Hart Foundation! Cackle cackle cackle! (Come on, even at 11 years old, who didn’t think it was suspect that Jimmy Hart was wearing a motorcycle helmet to ringside?)
In a shocker to no one, the match voted best at WrestleMania VI was the legendary babyface vs. babyface, champion vs. champion, title for title match between Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. The fact that these two clods could execute such a compelling match is a testament to 30 minutes of focus on your craft and about 60 days of hard work from Pat Patterson. The result is above, as is the video of the second runner-up, Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire (who damn sure weighs 2-and-a-half) vs. Randy Savage & Sensational Queen Sherri. It’s harmless fun!
The marathon WrestleManias continue with the first international WrestleMania, number 6, with an epic main event from our childhood: Hulk Hogan vs. the Ultimate Warrior… champion vs. champion… title for title! For two water-logged non-workers, this will likely be considered the best match of the show. But who are we to say? You cast your vote and tell us!
We here at Stunt Granny are suckers for nostalgia, so when we think of Survivor Series, we don’t think of some queefy triple threat match with John Cena, CM Punk and Ryback. We hearken back to the days when teams of five (or four) strive to survive! You know, hence the name of the event. At its inception, the Survivor Series pay-per-view was composed of elimination matches, with the goal of survival at the expense of the entire opposing team. Then they started fucking with the format, and now it’s a bunch of singles matches, with the token bone thrown at us older fans of one, maybe two elimination matches.
Well screw you, WWE, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 Survivor Series elimination matches of all time! We’ve scoured YouTube for copyright infringers (them, not us) and found most of these matches for your viewing pleasure. If you find one that we couldn’t, leave the link in a comment and we’ll post it. (Don’t rip it and upload yourself; remember, we’re not the ones breaking the law )
Side note: How was the 1989 event so damn good?? The worst match featured the top draw and two of the best workers of all time!
Powers of Pain & Rockers & Hart Foundation & British Bulldogs & Young Stallions
Demolition & Brain Busters & Bolsheviks & Fabulous Rougeaus & Conquistadors
Ultimate Warrior & Jim Neidhart & Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty
Andre the Giant & Arn Anderson & Haku & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
Macho King Randy Savage & Earthquake & Dino Bravo & Greg Valentine
Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Bret Hart & Ronnie Garvin & Hercules
Dusty Rhodes & Brutus Beefcake & Red Rooster & Tito Santana
Big Boss Man, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel and Honky Tonk Man
Rick Rude & Mr. Perfect & Fabulous Rougeaus
Roddy Piper & Jimmy Snuka & Bushwhackers
Ric Flair, The Mountie, Ted DiBiase, & Warlord
Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Virgil, & Davey Boy Smith
Marty Jannetty, Randy Savage, Razor Ramon, & The 1-2-3 Kid
Irwin R. Schyster, Diesel, Rick Martel, & Adam Bomb
Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid & Davey Boy Smith & Headshrinkers (Fatu & Sionne)
Shawn Michaels & Diesel & Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett
Shawn Michaels & Ahmed Johnson & Davey Boy Smith & Psycho Sid
Yokozuna & Owen Hart & Razor Ramon & Dean Douglas
The Rock & Chris Jericho & Undertaker & Kane & Big Show
Steve Austin & Kurt Angle & Booker T & Rob Van Dam & Shane McMahon
Randy Orton & Chris Jericho & Christian & Scott Steiner & Mark Henry
Shawn Michaels & Rob Van Dam & Booker T & Bubba & D-Von Dudley
Filed under: WWE News | Tagged: Andre The Giant, Arn Anderson, bobby heenan, British Bulldog, Bushwhackers, Haku, Jim Neidhart, Jimmy Snuka, Marty Jannetty, Mountie, Mr. Perfect, Ric Flair, Rick Rude, roddy piper, Rougeau Bros, Shawn Michaels, Survivor Series, Ted DiBiase, Ultimate Warrior, Virgil, Warlord, WWE, WWF | Leave a Comment »
Wow. I mean…
Come up with a signature move and name Jordan Burroughs could use in London?
“The Jordan.” Not like the Michael Jordan but he still the Real American. He can break the pinkie finger like Sheikie. He break people back with his pinkie. Because he a big strong [expletive] for America. I be happy. His name could be “the Real” and his finisher be “the Humble.” Give me a hell yeah!
How do you feel about the “Flying Squirrel” nickname Ellis Coleman gave himself?
Flying squirrel remind me of Ultimate Warrior because he a little rat when he jump in ring like that idiot Jose Canseco or Mel Gibson. I would never respect the squirrel because the squirrel have no [expletive].
Wow, aggressive. Could the Iron Sheik beat any of the current wrestlers on Team USA?
In my day I beat living [expletive] out of all Olympian who challenge the legend. I put them in a camel clutch, break they back [two or three expletives], and make them humble. But now I am not in same shape as before so I don’t [expletive] with them.
How would the Olympics benefit from adding ropes around the mat?
The rope protect you and you cannot run away like little [expletive] in ring like Jose Canseco.
How would Hulk Hogan do against the current Olympic team?
Hulk Hogan don’t last long like because [a few expletives] he not a real man like the Sheiky baby. He get beat bad like [wow... not printing that] and never make it to Olympics. Only for the Olympics for being [or that]. [editors note: He definitely hates Hogan.]
Are you ready for a comeback?
I know if I training I can beat the [expletive] out of anybody who [expletive] with me. I am the real legend not like the jabroni the Tom Cruise.
How do you feel about the American wrestling team this year?
They all workers but need to pay their due to be legend like Iron Sheik. Buy my [expletive] shirt!! USA #1!
God, that’s fucking great. I feel like I just took a bath in holy water. Thanks to Prowrestling.net for the heads-up about this thing of beauty. Now by my fackan shirt! -Eric
According to Prowrestling.net, Halle Berry was injured while shooting a fight scene for her upcoming WWE Studios film, “The Hive.” Of course, this would not have happened if the illustrious Ms. Berry hadn’t chosen to slum it and make a WWE Studios film. What’s next, the girl from “Swimfan” stubs her toe on the set of WWE Films “Preschool Detective”?
Also according to Prowrestling.net, Ultimate Warrior has been accused of fraud. Now, 22 years and 100 Dave Meltzer “Anabolic Warrior” references ago, this “fraud” joke would have written itself. This time, however, memorabilia dealer Christopher Elias is accusing Warrior of taking $28,000 in exchange for autographed ring gear and championship belts, among other items, and Warrior not delivering the goods. (Unlike Warrior’s coke dealer, Reggie, who always delivers the goods.) Elias intends to sue if Warrior doesn’t comply. In response to all of this, Warrior stated, “FUCK! Fuckin’ fuck!“
Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, songwriter Jim Papa has sued WWE over unpaid royalties for multiple wrestler theme songs written for the “WCW Slam Jam 1″ album. Thank god there was never a 2. I mean, we all fondly remember “He’s a MAAAAAN cawled Stang!” and “He’s simply RAVishing, OWWWW!” from the year that was 1992. But do we really need to fight for the rights of shit like this?
Let’s revisit these lyrics, which start at about 0:51:
He’s a guy with values, he’s a family man
Loves his wife and son and does the best he can
Only wrestler that’s not hard to understand
Rick-y Steam-boat, the Dragon!
Blee dah dah blee… in the sports world
(long awkward pause)
When a man’s only fantasy is still the same girl
(major guitar riffage)
FRRAAAAME and fortune, titles he’s won
(rockin’ in the free world)
His biggest smile is fo-o-or his son
(wait for it, it gets sexy here)
I’m not sayin’ that women don’t fall all ooooover him
But he doooon’t give in, he’s a family murrrrn
And there may even be worse songs on this album. But Jim Papa poured his Texas-sized heart into this project and deserves to be paid for all the joy and value it brought to the table. That is to say, next time you’re in Texas, throw a bum a sandwich, it could be Jim Papa! -Eric
Filed under: Misc. News, WWE News | Tagged: A MAAAN Cawled Stang, Christopher Elias, Dragon, Halle Berry, Jim Papa, The Hive, Ultimate Warrior, Warrior, WCW Slam Jam 1, WWE Studios | Leave a Comment »
In honor of Rent-a-Center’s earth-shattering sweepstakes to meet Hulk Hogan and Troy Aikman, we thought we’d compile a list of the top 10 TV commercials starring professional wrestlers that weren’t for a professional wrestling product. These larger-than-life figures explode onto the TV screen with such abandon and fervor, such charisma and passion, that how could you *not* buy a pizza from them?
Let’s stick with the Hulkster, who hawked Right Guard in 1991 with the savoir faire of Robert Goulet and the acting chops of Mr. Belvedere. Starting this list off with anything less would be uncivilized!
Wrestlers seem to end up in commercials for food quite often. What was I saying about pizza and gargling copious amount of pills? Oh yeah, here’s Kurt Angle, following his 1996 Olympic gold medal win, ready to chow down on some Pizza Outlet:
Wow, wrestlers and pizza go together like, um, wrestling fans and bigger pizzas. Pizza Inn cashed in on the popularity of the Von Erichs in Texas in the early 1980s, but really, who in the hell is going to believe that 170-pound Mike Von Erich taught his brothers, ripped-ass Kevin and blown-up Kerry, anything about eating?
Keeping in the realm of food, I don’t have five minutes nor two scoops of Kellogg’s Eat Shit & Die for Mick Foley, but I do remember this Chef Boyardee commercial starring The Rock, pre-Hollywood but well into his puffy Nation of Domination days. Hell of a shirt, Rock; don’t date yourself too much or you might get chaffed:
Honorable mention: And because superstars’ shuckin’ and jivin’ doesn’t stop at the front door of Titan Tower, here’s Booker T and his big fat momma, eatin’ up all tha food:
I swear to sonny Jesus, this commercial with Andre the Giant made me want to try Honey Comb, and thus allowed me to become a fat shit for the first 28 years of my life:
John Cena, the face of WWE and hero to millions of children everywhere, can’t resist that double meat? Tell me he didn’t just say that!
And in the locally sold booze category: If I were you, Chicago Lake Liquors, I’d give Mad Dog Vachon a coffee break:
Of course, this wouldn’t be a discussion about great commercials with wrestlers if we didn’t include spots for Slim Jim! Here’s one with Macho Man Randy Savage and some teenagers, blowing things up Beavis and Butthead style:
And one with Ultimate Warrior and some more explosions (never let it be said that Slim Jim doesn’t understand its market; I still nice “Niiiice, antique!” every time I see a plastic chair):
More drinks: Man, the NWA/WCW got the short end of the advertising stick back in the day; while Hogan, Warrior and Savage were running wild, Rick Steiner was crawling around like a jackass with Roos on his hands:
And if you can’t land Mountain Dew like the WWF, get your first fattest babyface to drink the second-best thing!
Geez, I guess wrestlers and soda go together like wrestling fans and pizza and soda. Now here’s an idea I can get behind: Sting + population control, thanks to Sprite:
And now TNA is making deals with shitty auto insurance companies, because who better to hawk insurance you can finally pay for than wrestlers who only make $300 a week:
And finally, because we all go to our grandpa for weightlifting advice (“Back in my day, we punched a potato sack until our knuckles bled like stuck pigs! We put our polio-crippled brother on a rope and we dragged him 2 miles!”), here’s Ric Flair’s latest venture into advertising, for Fuel in a Bottle:
Oh, wait, we can’t talk about Ric Flair and TV commercials without posting Bruce Mitchell’s two favorite things in the whole world, wooin’ like Ric Flair and scratchin’ them lottery tickets:
Wow, 15 greats plus an honorable mention. Did we miss anything? Post them in a comment below!
Filed under: Misc. News, TNA News, WWE News | Tagged: Andre The Giant, Booker T, Chef Boyardee, Chicago Lake Liquors, Direct Auto, Dusty Rhodes, Fuel in a Bottle, Hitachi, Honey Comb, Hulk Hogan, John Cena, Kerry Von Erich, kurt angle, lottery tickets, Macho Man Randy Savage, mad dog vachon, Matt Morgan, Mello Yello, NWA, pizza, pro wrestlers commercials, Ric Flair, Rick Steiner, Right Guard, Roos, Slim Jim, Sprite, Sting, Subway, The Rock, TNA, TV commercials, Ultimate Warrior, Von Erichs, WCW, wrestlers in commercials, WWE, WWF, YouTube | Leave a Comment »
This is a very very special edition of Stunt Granny Audio because The Man is back. Dusty and Kevin join up to talk about Psycho Sid’s return and just how it rates in the lexicon of all time great moments in pro wrestling history. They talk about how good it must be to be Heath Slater right now, how pathetic Ric Flair is now, how weird those old Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant matches were, Brock Lesnar’s sudden transformation into David Copperfield, John Cena *finally* getting a well deserved title match, and much much more. The best part is it’s only going to take about 40 minutes of your precious time away from you, so you really have no excuse not to listen immediately, fucko.
Filed under: Audio Updates, Podcasts, WWE News | Tagged: adonis dna, Andre The Giant, Anger Management, baby momma, baby momma drama, Big Show, Brock Lesnar, Charlie Sheen, Chris Jericho, David Copperfield, drunk driving, DWI, Heath Slater, Jillian Hall, John Cena, Kane, marriage, Monday Night Raw, Money in the Bank, new roommate, Paul Heyman, Psycho Sid, Ric Flair, spousal abuse, Sycho Sid, tiger blood, Triple H, Ultimate Warrior, World Wrestling Entertainment, WWE, WWF | Leave a Comment »