See! We told you! (Win a date with Salinas on eBay)
We're not the kind of guys to say we told you so, but we... told you so! HAHAHAHA!
Alright, kids, start sending your UNICEF pennies to me: Shelly Martinez, aka Salinas, aka Ariel, aka Jeremy’s boo, has put herself up for bid on eBay:
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls … Have we got a very, very special auction for you! Up for your bidding pleasure is a chance to sit down, eat great food, talk and enjoy an afternoon/evening with one of the hottest ladies in professional wrestling … Shelly Martinez! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity deal! You don’t want to miss out on this one…
This auction includes lunch/dinner with Shelly at the world famous Mr Chow restaurant in Beverly Hills, California. Art, celebrity and superb cuisine all blend together in this internationally renowned restaurant under the direction of Michael Chow. The MR CHOW in Beverly Hills very quickly became a hangout spot, and exhibition space for some of the biggest stars in Hollywood’s Cafe Society. (more information about this historical restaurant can be found at http://www.mrchow.com/therestaurants/beverlyhills/)
I’m Mr. Chow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Chow…
And just to be sure everyone is clear, they reprint this important information:
This offer cannot be transferred into any other offer. (SG Note: I’m assuming this is directed toward us and means if we win, we can’t make a sexual offer. Nuts.) If date and time has been scheduled and winning bidder does not arrive, you cannot receive any type of refund.
Winning bidder will get the following:
– Lunch/Dinner with Shelly Martinez (date & time to be determined by both parties)
– Your photo with Shelly, which she will autograph for you!
She needs to autograph my crank and chow down on my balls. She is so hot… but doggone it, there’s just something in me that won’t allow me add to the THIRTY-EIGHT OTHER BIDS which have gotten up to $12,800. I mean for fuck’s sake, people. She’s not even gonna sexify you. She made that abundantly clear when we offered to pay for an apartment wrestling match with her: Shelly Martinez’s services are not up for sale! Oh… -Eric
P.S. To fully get my “up for bids” reference, check out my band Hold For Swank’s song “Does She Realize?” available on iTunes now!
You guys have spoiled the fun once again, the auction has been taken down. Or did Eric click the Buy Now option and get it over with.
An Ariel/Vampire tribute:
A vampire sits down at the bar and asks for a cup of boiling water. The bartender brings him the cup and the vampire pulls out a used tampon, puts it in the cup and starts stirring it. The bartender quickly says, “What the hell are you doing.” The vampire says, “I’m making tea.”
Part of me wondered if this auction was a test to see how closely freaks like us were paying attention. If it was a test, we both passed and failed. At life.
What’s the difference between a vampire and an asthmatic at a narcoleptic’s convention?
One sleeps in a coffin and one coughs at a sleep-in.