According to WWE.com, Dolph Ziggler, aka Nick Nemeth, aka Nicky from the Spirit Squad, aka Kerwin White’s caddy, has been suspended for 30 days for his first Wellness Policy violation. Here’s a guy who’s been saddled with some of the worst gimmicks WWE has come up with (saying what you will about the Spirit Squad: a male cheerleader is not a good gimmick), and he chooses to do himself a favor by getting himself suspended. I mean, come on, you couldn’t even offer to drive Funaki around in exchange for his piss? The Big Sho (get it?) was a great patsy for Batista a while back. I’d suggest anyone else in the company to help you pass a piss test, but no one else is eligible. Chemistry labs put William Regal’s urine in a centrifuge and pour the separated liquids into clearly marked beakers, never to be combined again. Jeff Hardy’s pee isn’t even visible under black light… it IS black light.
Eh, whatever. Maybe after 30 days, WWE will realize how stupid the name “Dolph Ziggler” is and change it. Were they envisioning Ivan Drago as a porn star or something? Stupid. -Eric