Here's your Chain Gang cake, stupid.

I’m bored at work and going through an Excel spreadsheet made by Jeremy “Stalker” Maes listing wrestlers’ birthdays and real names (*gasp* Kayfabe! Kayfabe!) and thought I’d share a few coming up in the next week:

April 21 (today): Bubba the Love Sponge (Todd Alan Clem, 42; it’s iffy as to whether he’s even a person, but OK)
April 21 (still today): Jay Lethal (Jamar Shipman, 25)

April 22: Ezekiel Jackson (Rycklon Stephens, 32)

April 23: John Cena (John Felix Anthony Cena, 33)
April 23: Tony Atlas (Anthony White, 56)

April 26: Kane (Glen Jacobs, 43)
April 26: Amazing Red (Jonathan Figueroa, 27; whoa, two red guys have the same birthday!)

April 27: Vladimir Kozlov (Oleg Oleksandrovych Prudius, 38)

If I were still 10 years old and had access to this information, I’d make a sign out of posterboard and glittered letters that said, “HAPY BIRTHDAY JOHN C ENA!” with a little cutout of his head floating in the corner. Oh boy! -Eric