Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of TNA iMPACT!
I had a bit of a malfunction with my car tonight. I had to have the starter replaced. I had every intention of hitting the gym tonight before I grabbed a couple of beers while waiting for the starter to get replaced. I said I would do something productive to make up for it. I chose to review this program half in the tank.
I started off dreading after seeing the title “Kung Fu Bischoff”. It was terrible years ago even if he really is trained. He makes himself look like he hasn’t been trained. Why is Tenay on Tazz’s balls so much? Tenay sucks at trying to be edgy. Is he trying to imitate Michael Cole’s recent change in attitude? He’s doing a piss poor job no matter what he’s trying to do. Bischoff is still trying to bully a guy with a concussion into a match again, huh? Bischoff said last week that this creates cash but it’s the opposite. Referee attack. Ooooooh. You’re getting real good heat for the Eric. What a flat ending to what I thought was at least a decent promo.
Brian Kendrick is reading Mick Foley’s book to the locker room for some reason. RVD accusses Tommy Dreamer about giving him the same speech for the third straight week then he himself recites it. Why not give Dreamer a chance to talk? Styles saves the segment. Of course RVD is in the way of the Gore. Dumb stuff.
Tenay and Tazz interview Mr. Anderson over the phone. We’ve moved a lot further along, do satellite, Skpye it. I don’t give a fuck. Act like a classy company and go to video link. Solid subdued intterview by Mr. Anderson. I didn’t read the spoilers but I take it the obvious will happen in the match that Bischoff challenged Anderson to tonight.
The Beautiful People are talking up Velvet and how she’s going to kick Sarita’s ass. Velvet going solo so that Angelina can dream up Whisper or whatever her name is. What a stupid storyline. I’m glad to see Katie Lea on my TV again but they waste women’s talent as much as the WWE now.
The crowd is pretty quiet for this match between Velvet and Sarita. Sarita hasn’t been built up and Velvet by her own admission isn’t good by herself. Crowd is trying to get into it but it’s pathetic even for the slobs at the iMPACT! zone. Tenay & Tazz are not as good at bickering as King & Cole. Sarita wins the match as she should.
Bischoff askes Jarrett if he’s going to apologize to Joe. Jarrett laughs because he’s going to hold down Samoa Joe. Congrats Jeff, way to put over the young guys!
Flair wants Williams and Kazarian to settle it like the Horseman would, in the ring. Williams tenatively agrees then stops to talk to Christy Hemme. She still works there? Anderson’s mic drops and Hemme & Williams look like 2 dopes trying to figure out why that happened. I can feel the sledge hammer over my head.
Tara is now coming out on a bike. Tenay, stop bugging Tazz. I can believe that they’re trotting out Tara versus Mickie at the next PPV. Mickie has turned into a serious hot head since she got to TNA. I don’t like it. Did I miss when Tara started calling herself a Cougar? Stupid idea. Tazz making a solid point about young people being Generation Me no matter when they grew up. Mickie showing off her new catty side. Generation Me got its’ ass kicked by Mickie. Post match beat down by Tara and Gen Me. Um, Gen Me needs to win.
Eric Young and Orlando Jones in therapy already. At least Russo is admitting that his teams have problems as soon as they get together. Young may have talked Jordan into being a good team. For 3 months, tops.
Team 3D and the Guns are talking about a retirement match being a downer but Team 3D is excited about it. They’re talking all chummy, chummy. Yuck. How have I not vomitted on my keyboard? I need more beer.
A lot of material reviewed multiple times tonight. I had forgotten about Angle getting beaten up by Jarrett. TNA makes stuff stick in my memory real well. Jarrett challenges Joe, who is also injured. Can’t you guys not repeat the same storyline in your own program? Bloody hell. Joe pops up through the entrance ramp and attacks Jarrett. Ouch. Which ever security guard crushed the microphone had to have had a giant bruise on his back Tue. or Wed. after the taping.
RVD talking paranoia talk. Way to make your top baby face look and act like a bag of dicks.
RVD vs. Rhino vs. AJ Styles for the TV Title.Tenay & Tazz are still arguing. At least Cole & King agree for parts of the show. Tazz is doing a good job of explaining his position which makes Tenay look like the petty ass he is. Way to call the action for an important match morons. AJ gets the cheap argument win. Go figure. Tee ball heaven with this whole angle tonight. Dreamer challenges RVD to a match. Wow, 3 matches set tonight for a pay per view this weekend. Guess they have been “building” to this match. It’s been a shitty build.
Abyss talks the talk about the Pope. Pretty good for him.
Flair joins Tazz & Tenay on commentary during the Kazarian vs. Williams match. I don’t like Willaims’ new tights. Black, gold and red is an OK scheme but the design coupled with it make this one a stinker. Beer Money comes to the ring. Yep, this match is exciting so far. I hope you noted the sarcasm. Kaz almost got the match in first gear until they bumped heads. Kaz wins when Williams runs into Storm who was on the appron for no apparent reason. All four guys bicker. Another group with a problem between members. Rinse and repeat.
Pope cuts a good promo. He’s been off recently in my book. This one was short and sweet.
Why are they spending more time on Jordan and Young? Fuck these two mediocre jokes.
I like Pope’s James Brown like introduction music. Abyss working on the ribs. Abyss starts attacking fans. People, please don’t believe this garbage.Another match is set at Tunrig pont 3 days away. Shouldn’t you set these matches up a little earlier?
Robbie E & Cookie make me want to puke in a bad way. They are making Becky Bayless ugly. How is that possible? I ask an awful lot of questions in these blogs.
Borash has to give a long winded, blow job to Eric Bischoff before my DVR cuts off. Rats, I taped reAction too, so I’ll have to watch the end of this drivel. Borash has to bash Mr. Anderson. Bischoff challenges Borash then beats the tar out of him. OH MY GAWD! It’s Mr. Anderson. No, it’s Matt Morgan. Hey, you got me. Decent back up plan.
I actually liked that storyline and thought the Morgan thing was pretty cool.
IF IF IF they have Morgan win the title and it turns out that Flair and Fortune was laying low to fool Bischoff all along I think they have a really good storyline. I mean it would make sense the way Flair accepted the challenge and Morgan left the group all of a sudden when it looked like his group was getting shut out of the title picture.
I watched the entire Williams/Kaz match and I really liked Flair’s commentary. I zip through a fair amount of impact because I DVR it.
Did you try hitting your starter with a hammer?
After watching tna did your try hitting your tv with a hammer?
Did you try hitting your starter with a hammer?
Did you try hitting your tv with a hammer after impact?
I actually liked the show. I know that sounds crazy.
I actually liked that storyline and thought the Morgan attack on Bischoff was pretty cool. I thought it was too much to have Bischoff attack Borash (who did a great job reading those cue cards) but you can’t expect TNA not to go for cheap heat.
IF IF IF they have Morgan win the title and it turns out that Flair and Fortune was laying low to fool Bischoff all along I think they have a really good storyline. I mean it would make sense the way Flair accepted the challenge for Morgan to get a title shot and Morgan left the group all of a sudden when it looked like his group was getting shut out of the title picture.
I watched the entire Williams/Kaz match and I really liked Flair’s commentary. I zip through a fair amount of impact because I DVR it but the stuff I watched tonight was pretty good. I even think the 3D/MCMG set up is fine. I did not watch anything with Eric Young obviously.
I think they caught me in a moment of weakness and I am open to suggestions as to why this really is bad but I was interested in where things go after watching this episode.