Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Trish Stratus and some dude at the 2007 NHL Awards. (Thanks to

Great, another three hours of wrestling. Can’t wait. I didn’t see any news of what awards would be handed out but I’m guessing that Michael Cole will make a big deal out of whether he wins or loses the announces award. Or if J.R. is honored with some lifetime achievement award. On to the show. Hmm, they didn’t say anything about an announcing award in the opening promo. How hilarious that they announced Arquette as a WCW Champion. And now he’s playing it up. Outstanding. What, he’s even killing Ready To Rumble. Even better. If he announces this whole show, his demeanor will get old really quick. Nexus scores the shocker award. Yeah, I’m edgy. Barrett stares at the crowd for a bit and gets good boos. He put a nice little bow around his problems. Glad that Punk is offering to read for the GM. The GM decides to throw Barrett to the Big Show. Weird opening topped by an impromptu wrestling match. Punk is destroying in the booth. Big Show has sold a thumb to the eye longer than anyone in wrestling history. And he’s still selling it after he gets the count out victory.

Tyson Kidd & Kelly Kelly are our next presenters. The announcers are still acting like they know the name of Kidd’s body guard. Jackson Andrews. Solid stuff by Kidd who still was a little awkard with the delivery. He needs to amp up the confidence. The “Despicable Me” Award. Punk deserves it. Hilarious that Cole and Punk celebrated together. The hairdo works for him. He looks slimier with a can of gel in his hair. Punk starting a long sell for his match up against Daniel Bryan. Just like Shawn Michaels did last year. Good platform to launch from. Bryan& Kofi take on Dolph & DiBiase. They take us to commercial.

Punk doing a nice job of dodging the obvious question. Good not to reveal it just in case Bryan gets injured in the mean time. Wow, Kofi dominated Dolph. Why does my boy look like this much of a bitch? No one but Kofi looked good in that short of a match. You have three hours, don’t you know, WWE?

Santanio & Kozlov present an award. Shocking. Pee Wee wins. We don’t.

Nexus confronts Barrett. So is this one big plan into beating down Cena?

The mirror on the back of Cody’s ring jacket makes him extremely un-dashing. Just helps kill the gimmick which could work. Along with him not wanting to be hit in the face any more. I’m not looking forward to seeing Mark Henry’s armpit fat in HD next week. Cody gets a much needed win. Henry needs to win soon though or it’ll be quite clear he’s a jobber now. They tease the move of the year award.

King & Vickie present the award. King does an awful joke that bombs. Kings makes up for it for the Excuse Me skit portion. That Orton/Bourne move is awesome. What a garbage win by Cena. Barrett snags the award and starts yapping abut rehiring Cena. Barrett milks the announcement. It’s not a big deal, he said he’d be after them because he had nothing better to do. Barrett wants a face to face. To no one’s surprise, he gets it. Why doesn’t Cena have enough back up to chase these idiots off?

A recap of the awards? Couldn’t you just extend some of the matches? David Arquette blows. Mocking your own fans? If it works, go with it. The kid gets to go to a WWE show, how awesome is that? And she’s in a skit with the Miz. So is that their version of Kanye & Taylor Swift? The Miz gets a cheap win in the tables match on Sunday. They are pimping the PPV. Rey Mysterio takes on the Miz. Quick pitch to another commercial.

I think the Miz just botched that move. No surprise that Del Rio shows up. Miz gets to beat down Rey now. Miz gets a cheap win. Cole crows. Arquette was still not good annoying like he was trying to do.

Edge comes out for the next Slammy. Nice, Christian. Cement Edge as a face. Charisma goes for the cheap pop. “Oh Snap” Melt Down moment, yeah. Edge wins his own award. A melt down would have been bad policy. I like the change of the crown for Sheamus. Cole leaves the booth to collect his thouights but then starts yapping. Huh? What? I like Punk pimping the intensity of the match. The rubber match has to take place at a third pay per view. Duh. Good way to hype it. Ladder match could be really good for these two. Why did Morrison let Sheamus hit him with the ladder. Dumbest move ever. Wow, Morrison took a hell of a bump. If Morrison wins on Sunday, the WWE really believes in him. I still think he needs to brush up in the promo department.

Oh, what an odd couple JTG & William Regal. Whoopie. Knucklehead Moment of the year. Lay Cool gets their own segment. I love life. Time to grab another beer.

Diva Battle Royal comes down toNatalya and LayCool, right? The top six could work but that’s a whatever argument. McCool wins Diva of the year. Thanks Undertaker. A Divas tables match is pretty easy to get thru without hurting someone.

Edge versus Swagger could deliver. This is just a Smackdown match. Not sure why that didn’t dawn on me earlier. Too short to amount to much of anything. Edge with the “keep on rolling” win.  More Arquette. Miz needs to prove a point.

Big Show comes out for moment of the year. Undertaker versus Shawn Michaels wins the award. Michaels is a good promo.

Orton versus A-Ri & Arquette. Punk does a good job of mocking the odds against Orton. Arquette gets his spot out of the way so that A-Ri can get his little bit of offense before getting killed. Glad Cole said why Miz was still carrying around the case. I wondered about that last week. The crowd really wants to see Arquette go thru the table and they get it. The crowd cheers, Orton gets his point across, everyone wins.

Cole presents “And I Quote” Line of the Year. Who awards himself. He gets played out. Part well played. Just go full fledged heel. Stop rooting for Cena, it’d go a long way.

Teddy Long presents Superstar of the Year to John Cena. How’d Orton not get this one? I call shenanigans. Cena yaps while I get a snack. The usual from what I can tell. Otunga comes out with the rest of Nexus. Barrett threatens. Otunga comes to the ring by himself. I’m running out of DVR space. Nexus heads to the back. Otunga finally gets the boot from Nexus. This won’t last the 10 minutes now. Otunga taps and Cena doesn’t really inflict pain on him. Shouldn’t he have beat him down for a longer time? Ah, he’s got a chair now. Much better response by Cena and Barrett. I like Barrett’s confidence. Night kids. Hawaii Five-O time. – Kevin 

One Response to “Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw”

  1. stuntgranny 2010-12-14 at 1:29 am #

    Dude is totally checking out her rack.

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