Jonny and Michelle watch their segment.

Do you like to see ugly white trash who are clearly meant for each other air their dirty laundry in public but don’t have the time or stomach to go to Walmart? Well, my friends, that’s what daytime television is for, and that’s exactly what “Survivor” megastar and Bruce Mitchell’s best friend Jonny Fairplay and his praying mantis-looking wife and “Tough Enough” wolf-cryer Michelle Deighton have come to. The physical mismatch made in psychiatry heaven appeared on “Dr. Phil” this week as part of a “celebrity couples don’t get along” episode sure to shatter the ratings barrier. They went back and forth, slinging bent arrows that probably make their shit-show relationship stronger in ways only ex-stripper-hookers and overconfident johns really understand, until Dr. Phil mercifully went to commercial. Maybe I need to go on “Dr. Phil” as part of the “uncontrollable desire to slap two people I’ve never met and prefer not to meet” episode. -Eric