Re-enactment: Internet user finds holy grail

According to Prowrestling.net, some fat asshole did not receive enough cheese with his pretzel at a recent house show in Highland Heights, Ky. Pro wrestling fan and Internet user Jeremy Moses reported the following:

I paid $10.50 for a pretzel with cheese along with a souvenir cup of Mountain Dew…you would not believe how small the cup of cheese that came with the pretzel was. The damn cup was only the diameter of a quarter if that. If I’m getting a pretzel with cheese for $4.50, damn it, there better be more cheese than was in that cup! I expect to pay $6.00 for a souvenir cup, so no big deal on that.

Only his write-up for the main event of John Cena vs. The Miz received more description than his complaint that he wasn’t given enough grease-laden cheese-like product in which to dip his salty, doughy pretzel. In that time, he managed to push the word “damn” out from inside his proverbial digital cheeks twice to portray his anger (and his Southern roots). Oh, I’m sorry, would you have preferred the concession guy, who works for about 15 cents an hour, fill your souvenir soda cup with cheese instead, you piece of shit? And does it come as any surprise that this guy ordered Mountain Dew, by the way? I’m sure he’s practically knocking over his can of Dew right now, grunting his way over to his keyboard to write some complaint to us, halfway through which he’ll get winded and need to rest. (Note: I have no idea what this guy looks like, but I used to weigh 266 pounds and would frequently drink god damn nacho cheese out of a souvenir Mountain Dew cup, so I have personal background on this topic.) Anyway, somewhere, Matt Hardy is scribbling a note to himself on the back of a Burger King wrapper to never visit Highland Heights, Ky., or at least check the local media for potential dairy shortages before he goes. -Eric