You have Prowrestling.net to blame for this: About a year ago, I was at this bar in West Des Moines called Wellmann’s Pub, a classy-on-the-outside, whore-clientele-on-the-inside establishment with a bunch of big screens playing the videos of the latest pop/R&B/hip-hop songs blaring over the PA system. It was there where I got my first look at this gross, shriveled ventriloquist dummy who was making his fame by lip syncing to Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream.” I do use the term “lip syncing” very lightly considering this sea creature can barely move its mouth. The other trick behind Teddy Yuckspin here is that he looks like he’s 8 but he’s really 15 or 16 or 30, I’m not sure, but it’s like that Andy Milonakis asshole who used to trick people into thinking he was a 10-year-old fat-ass foul-mouthed prick when in reality he was a 20-year-old fat-ass foul-mouthed prick. Good one.
So when your gimmick is working people into thinking you’re something other than what you are (talented, for instance), what better way to keep getting attention than to hook up with a popular and media-hungry pro wrestler, in this case The Miz, and then get another no-talent hack like John Morrison involved to really piss off
me the pro wrestling community. (Jesus, Morrison *still* can’t throw a real-looking punch!) I guess what we’re left with here is a humongous waste of five minutes that gave Keenan something to rub one off to with his T-rex arms, something to take Morrison’s mind off of his horrendous girlfriend Melina (dare I say Keenan is a better actor than Melina will ever be?), and something Miz already wishes he could erase from history. -Eric