Batista tells U.K. Daily Star that he can beat people up, that today’s WWE is “brutal”… look who’s talking

batista skinny

And he gets all the pretty ladies, too.

According to PWTorch.com, Dave Bautista, aka Batista (because we kids couldn’t handle that extra “u” in his last name), recently told a U.K. newspaper, the Daily Star, that today’s WWE is “brutal.” He didn’t mean it in the same way as the brutal force he uses to beat people up in MMA’s Strikeforce oh wait that never happened because he sucks and is old and has asthma. He means “brutal” in the same way as watching a Batista wrestling match, which was pretty god damn brutal.

I can’t connect with it. I no longer know this business. I don’t do PG wrestling.

Thankfully, PG wrestling no longer does him. He also made a point to talk about how big and bad and scary and legitimate he is, because, of course, the people who have to tell you that are the ones with the largest penises and coolest Affliction shirts.

Love me or hate me, when I was there everyone took one look at me and knew I could beat someone up. I don’t think they look at Miz that way.

He makes a valid point; I’m pretty sure 50 percent of Stunt Granny readers could beat up the Miz if a fight broke out over the last bottle of hair product in the salon. But that doesn’t make it right to disparage the company responsible for your bank account, cars and, of course, humongous, totally-not-shriveled-up penis. One of these days, he’s going to come crawling back on all fives (get it, because he has a gigantic penis that needs no defending) and say, “Vince, I can’t cut it in MMA and I miss the nonstop road head, pleeease bring me back.” And then Vince will, because he’s a mark at heart. (Sorry, I hope you weren’t expecting another punchline at Batista’s expense.) -Eric

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