Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

fridge1My refrigerator died almost five years to the day of purchase. The Grandma Fridge hasn’t been fired up. It’s a legit 50s fridge that my fraternal grandparents purchased. When my last refrigerator died, I fired that puppy up and it worked even if it sucked down a shit ton of power. Since it’s freezing ass cold out, I decided to use nature as a refrigerator. Mother Nature comes in handy. Used to use it to keep my Mountain Dew cold while I was in architecture studio because we had a ledge and operable windows. You could keep stuff cold most nights (and days) of the spring semester since it was warm for about the last two weeks of class. Any way, enough about my weird refrigeration techniques and adventures. Let’s roll.

Randy Orton takes his time as usual. I skipped out on the early promo but was more than happy to hear Orton putting himself over with a lot of conviction. HHH & Stephanie McMahon come out to throw cold water on his parade. I’m glad Steph has really found that condescending tone in just about all of her promos now. She tells him that he’s going to wrestle Daniel Bryan and the rest of the competitors in following weeks. JBL, Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler give us the low down on the New Age Outlaws versus Cody Rhodes & Goldust. The Shield comes down through the crowd. We get more announcers recapping the cheap baby face win and the Shield’s impending feud with the Wyatt Family.

For some reason, Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston & Big E Langston are taking on the Shield. Dean Ambrose starts against Langston. Kofi takes over against Seth Rollins. Roman Reigns is the last one to join us. Kofi starts getting his ass kicked. Rey gets the first hot tag. Rollins is in the ring selling. Reigns sneaks a tag in. Tall Hart attack by Rollins & Reigns leads to a commercial. Rey sells for a while. Big E gets the 2nd hot tag. He’s taking over on Reigns. We get the finishers spot that ends in the Superman Punch. Ambrose tags in as Reigns is ready to go for the spear. Ambrose executes a move but is still getting a cheap win in my books. The Wyatts warn the Shield that they’ve made a grave mistake. Fun, creepy stuff. I really wish this would have been at Wrestlemania for my own live enjoyment.

Bad News Barrett greats us with some Super Bowl talk. Jerry Lawler smacks him down, I guess. That’s the reaction we’re being given by Mitchell Cool & JBL.

Jack Swagger is facing Christian. Zeb Colter & Antonio Cesaro are at ring side. Factiod of the night, Christian has never been in an Elimination Chamber match. A little surprising in my book since he was a king on Smackdown for many a moon. Swagger has been dominant for most of the match so far. Swagger goes for a move that he never would normally to give Christian an opening. A counter into a reverse DDT gets Christian a two count. Swagger catches Christian doing a cross body. Swagger Bomb gets countered. Christian rolls up Swagger for the win. We get recap of Brock Lesnar destroying Cody & Goldust.

Road Dogg & Billy Gunn did their introduction as usual. Cody Rhodes & Goldust did before the commercial break. I dig the no escape clause in this match but for some reason I feel this ring will get compromised since they are emphasizing no one will interfere this week. I didn’t type anything for the first break because it was standard fair. Teams taking turns, everyone getting in a little offense. Goldust is getting his ass kicked after the break. A spine buster gets Goldie an opening.  Cody & Gunn come in. Cody is on fire. The teams trade blows. Rhodes nails Gunn with the Disaster Kick. He only gets two and blows up at Chioda. Cody appears to hit a top rope moonsault but it’s on Road Dogg who is not legal. Gunn nails the Fame Asser for the win. I’m not sure why he went for that one. JBL does a decent job of covering for the choice.

Titus O’Neil comes down so we get a recap of him punking out Darren Young. Zack Ryder gets TV time in the ring. Titus is beating down Ryder. The Miz complains on the head set about not having a match then storms away. Ryder gets the knees up for a corner charge by O’Neil. Titus takes over again. Sky High for the win by O’Neil.

Earnie Ladd gets the nod for Black History Month. Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae. Santino Marella is back for a dance off. Santino wants a dance off between someone in the audience and Summer. Emma is introduced. She isn’t really good at dancing if that’s all she’s got. Emma does the arm thing. The audience is confused. They decide to cheer for Emma any way. Stupid.

Sheamus has a match against Curtis Axel. Ryback is at ringside. Sheamus is taking Axel to task early. Sheamus clothes lines Axel off the ring apron. Sheamus puts his head down so Axel knees him in the shoulder. Axel tosses him into the post. Axel continues to work it over. Sheamus makes a come back with a barrage of punches and clubbing blows. Brogue Kick. Ryback talks trash to him.

I’m sure Batista is making another fashion faux pas by wearing a jean jacket. Before he can utter a word, Alberto Del Rio comes down. Why is Del Rio taking Cena’s material from the Rock feud? Batista tries to get Del Rio to go away but Del Rio decides to attack.

R Truth, Xavier Woods & Dolph Ziggler are taking on Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper & Erick Rowan. Woods starts against Rowan because his team mates don’t really like him. Truth & Woods double team him to get the upper hand. Harper gives Truth a big boot. Ziggler gets a hot tag in a so far boring match. Ziggler goes for the big DDT and gets a two count. Ziggler goes for the sleeper but is bucked off. Harper nails him with the big clothes line. Sister Abigail for the win. I’m not sure why Ziggler’s video got internet push over the weekend. I heard similar stuff in his TV promos. The Shield gives a verbal brow beating to the Wyatts. Believe In The Shield. Wyatt says he welcomes the war. See now this is where I say, why anyone think the Wyatts do actually have the clout to beat the Shield? In some ways, it should be a David versus Goliath match up.

Naomi is taking on Aksana. AJ Lee gets to throw on a head set. She goes cocky while Cool prods her. Aksana executing solid looking suplex. I did get a kick out of AJ calling Naomi a baked potato. A pin by Aksana goes awry because she kneed Cameron in the face. Split legged moonsault for the win. Alicia Fox tries to attack but Cameron catches her. Rear View for those at home that love it. Trin is going to have a nice shiner.

Nice of the WWE to let me blow through the entrances of Daniel Bryan & Randy Orton since they were followed by a commercial break. So far, no acknowledgement of the numerous Punk chants. Orton is taking the early phsyical edge without doing much damage. Bryan knees him. Dragon Screw Leg Whip. Bryan starts working over the left leg. Orton’s legs takes several blows to the knee to the ring post. Orton bites Bryan to get out of another hold. Bryan goes back to the injured leg. I hate the butt crash onto the leg. Bryan tosses Orton over the announce table and onto Mitchell Cool. Bryan tosses him in the ring. He goes back to work on Orton’s leg. Top rope head scissors only gets a two count. It’s weird because the announcers are taking center stage. Everyone seems to have traded usual opinions. Cool just selling Orton’s toughness. Bryan strategically kicks Orton. Bryan goes for a single leg crab. Orton tries to get to the ropes but Bryan drags him back to the middle. Orton slides outside the ring. Bryan goes out and pays for it. Back drop onto the barricade to turn the tide. The match feels like a baby face set up for Orton because of how much of a beating he took early. The baby face’s early offensive flurry doesn’t usually last that long. Bryan is kicking Orton in the middle of the ring after the break. Orton counters into a T Bone suplex. “Now that’s the champ!” exclaims Cool. That’s a baby face description not a reviled heel champion. Bryan gets tossed into the ring post and stairs but to his shoulder. Strangely, he’s going after the right arm. Moments later, Cool says “Couldn’t care less about anybody.” Make up your fucking mind. Are you for him or against him? Bryan nails Orton with a top rope drop kick but hurts his own arm. They trade blows. Orton tosses Bryan into the mat. Bryan gets on the Yes Lock. Orton gets a leg on the ropes. A great match like this is best for business. Orton gets drop kicked but returns fire when Bryan goes for number three. Hanging DDT. Bryan kicks Ortonas he’s going for the RKO. Air Goat  for two. Bryan nails the head kick. Kane comes down to ring side. Bryan drop kicks him off the ring apron. Randy Orton gets dumped outside. Bryan nails both with a suicide dive. Kane attacks again but Bryan tosses him into the stairs. Bryan nails the running knee for the win. Orton & Kane attack Bryan. Kane’s fire works go off late. Woof. Never screw up at the end. Always makes it seem worse than it really is. – Kevin

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