Oh, the joys of Total Diva’s. There is a reason that I continue to take a hiatus from this train wreck and it’s not because I was on vacation, it’s mainly because I just don’t have the time to try and think of something to write every week when this train wreck is watched. I feel like it goes through spurts of good television (as good as a Diva show could be) and spurts of horrific television (where everything is set up so they can actually have a show for people to watch). I obviously missed writing about Ariane house sitting for Natalia and losing her cat during a party. I honestly couldn’t tell you what else happened within that episode, it was so boring. (Kevin’s Edit: She suggested a He Said (She Edited) but I remember about as much of that episode as she does.)

The 5/4 episode is the one I’ll be writing about today. It’s all about Summer Rae,  Trinity and Brie. I’ll start with Trinity as she seemed to have the least amount in the show even though she was focused on.

Trinity and Jon are married. Jon is ready for kids and Trinity is at the height of her career and does not want kids. This is obviously something to discuss before you tie the knot. We find out that Jon has 2 kids already, a boy and girl. They are adorable! Anyway, Trinity always forgets to take her pill and Jon refuses to put on a “love sleeve” as he says he doesn’t have time and it’s too constricting. Trinity decides, well, I keep forgetting and I don’t want kids now, so she and her mom go and have an implant put into her arm. It’s a 3 year birth control implant so she won’t get pregnant. I’m not sure if this is truly the best way to handle this as she doesn’t tell Jon what she does. She says it’s her body and she can do what she wants. As I haven’t read up on this procedure and the pros and cons, if it works for her and she doesn’t get pregnant, good for her. But if she has always been that forgetful and he has never worn a love sleeve and they have been together this long already, I’m not sure why she really did do this. All birth control is not 100%. those love sleeves are important even when a girl is on the pill. So I wish them the best of luck and maybe next time she won’t hide a procedure from her husband. (Kevin’s Edit: She’s being a bone head. He’s being a bone head. If anyone would know about taking a while to get to the top, I’d think it’d be Jon since it’s taken him 5 years to get consistent TV time. Granted, Trinity hasn’t been getting much TV time since she decided to stop Aksana’s knee with her face.  When this was recorded, she was being pushed for the Diva’s Title. I do love that WWE policy, if someone else messes up, you get punished. See Ziggler, Dolph.)

Brie is in the process of planning her wedding. She is so excited and we get to see her try on wedding dresses. The dress she picks is very pretty and elegant and I would expect nothing less from Brie. Nikki, though, decides to arrive fashionably late, after Brie finds her dress. The entire episode is about Nikki being a bitch to Brie as Brie is trying to plan her wedding. Nikki wants nothing to do with anything. She gets upset with Brie at the gym when they are working out because Brie is asking about seating arrangements and bridesmaid dresses. (Kevin’s Edit: I’d be pissed if someone talked to me that much in the gym too. It doesn’t even need to be about wedding stuff. John Cena, like normal, makes the best out of his screen time cracking a joke that I’d love for him to use on TV instead of another poop joke.) Nikki gets pissed with Brie when Brie says ‘no’ to a skanky dress that Nikki wants to wear in her wedding and Nikki refuses to help Brie with wedding invitations as she has had a busy week and just doesn’t have time. (Kevin’s Edit: Nikki was wrong the rest of the time including the slutty (and yummy) dress.)

I agree with Brie, Nikki is being a bitch. It doesn’t matter if the guy you are dating is never going to propose to you. It doesn’t matter if you’re not going to get married, ever. What does matter is it’s the Bride’s day, your twin sister’s day. A marriage that will only happen one time  (Kevin’s Edit: Hahhaha. It only happens once is hilarious.) and you should be ecstatic for your sister and be helping her every step of the way and not making her feel like she shouldn’t be asking for help. I agreed with Brie in that, it is her day and Nikki had no right to act that way. Nikki chose to be in the relationship that she is in and that’s her problem if she is OK with not being married. You don’t rain on other peoples weddings, you suck it up and be the best sister you can be. Even the apology was stupid. (Kevin’s Edit: The stupid apology on both’s behalf is what makes me think it’s a made up plot. No real anger either way but it’s a way to conclude the storyline.)

Our final Diva is Summer Rae. We all know how much I can’t stand her. She is a nasally, skanky hoe. We definitely see that in this episode. Summer Rae enters and we find out that she is single (go figure) and that her boyfriend of 2 years that broke up with her is getting married. She states that all the boyfriends she’s had recently are all married now, or engaged to be married, so they always marry the girl after her. Huh, do you think it’s your attitude that shows through and how desperate you are! Summer Rae tells the girls at lunch and the girls suggest she ask Fandango out as they have good chemistry on the set. (Kevin’s Edit: I have never hooked up with any ladies I worked with. I really should have at Panini’s in Kent.) Brie brings up that that is how her and Daniel met. We see a fabulous 2010 scene where Brie is talking to Daniel and Nikki walks in. (Kevin’s Edit: Fabulous? I had forgotten about that angle. Pretty sure I was annoyed he was teamed with them.) I’m just going to throw this in there, but it’s usually not a good idea to date someone from work as there is a 50/50 chance of it working or imploding.

Summer Rae decides to ask Fandango out. Well, that is great as they are both non attractive people that are extremely vain. They would be perfect for each other. They just happen to live very close to each other in Florida. She dresses skanky and he dresses like a bum and they go to a bar he frequents a lot. (Kevin’s Edit: Always a good way to say you’re trying to get some. Let’s get her drunk!) The whole night she keeps asking him personal questions and he’s like, why do you keep asking me all these questions? Summer Rae just laughs like she is trying too hard and then they proceed to do firebombs. My favorite line is when she says, I can’t decide if he is making fun of me or complimenting me. If you can’t tell, then you are blond! They go back to his place where they are strategically placed in the kitchen and pretending to be into each other. Shots of vodka, they go to the sofa where she proceeds to attack him. Not sure who cuts it off first, but they make it seem like it was her idea and he just sits there stupefied. She says she doesn’t feel the connection and it was like kissing her brother. (Kevin’s Edit: If you weren’t feeling him, why did you jump on top so quick? Storyline alert! The problem is this would work much better as a supplement to Raw/Smackdown but the viewing of this taped show is delayed so they don’t connect well.)

So Summer Rae just leaves. Yes, she just walks out! It was a very awkward moment I thought. They are seen at their next show and Fandango is asking about her about what happened and she just blows him off telling him they don’t have any chemistry and that she doesn’t want anyone to know what happened. Fandango, even though I really don’t like you, you can definitely do soooo much better than Summer Rae.

Will Summer Rae continue to be single? What’s next for Ariane and Vinnie? Will Nikki and Brie act normal toward each other in the next episode like nothing happened. Only E! Entertainment knows and I’ll be finding out next time on the 5/11 episode of Total Diva’s. – M & (Kevin)