Not Close To On Time, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

From debaucheryrecords.com

From debaucheryrecords.com

As accurately predicted last week in the Monday Morning Mop Up, Jeremy & I didn’t get around to recording a show due the general craziness of a wedding. You can go ahead and mark me useless next year when my wedding rolls around a few week later than this one. Shahid was unable to record after he got in from Dallas. I believe we were supposed to do The Walking Dead post but I got swamped at work so it didn’t happen. Eric Nelson showed his ugly mug along with his lovely wife at the wedding. We had the plan to do a drunk show until all of us realized driving home the next day needed to be done on six hours of sleep. Tonight ends up with another obstacle with the Pittsburgh Steelers hosting the Houston Texans. It could be a long evening. The game has been close enough that I haven’t even peeked in on Raw. It’s almost 11:00. The full review is not going up tonight.

I finally start at 11:37 PM. This is a late jump to say the least. HHH starts the night by telling us that the main event tonight will be Seth Rollins, Randy Orton & Kane against John Cena & Dean Ambrose. Rollins puts forth a new nickname that is not well received by Orton. Winner of the Orton vs Cena match at HIAC for the number 1 contendership. Can you telegraph a Cena win any more?

I’m so blowing through entrances. The last few weeks, full entrances have been few and far between for anyone not in the main event. We get plenty of entrance footage for The Usos & Sheamus against Damien Mizdow & The Dust Brothers. Chaotic action early that ends with the Dust Brothers standing over Jimmy. Stardust is still in control.  Mizdow gets a two count. Jimmy gets an opening with Goldust. Sheamus gets the hot tag and cleans house on Mizdow. Goldust breaks up a cover. Finisher spot for everyone. Stardust falling backwards is called Falling Star but Dean Ambrose’s sling shot clothes line still doesn’t. Go figure. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Stardust. Mizdow rolls up Sheamus with a handful of tights for the win. They’re doing a decent enough job with the shyster wins.

Randy Orton thanks HHH for the chance to take on Brock Lesnar. I would be very excited to see Orton take on Lesnar. HHH tells Orton that it was Rollins idea. Orton will personally thank him. I’m not rehashing mostly repeat info from The Wyatt Family who are way better in vignette than in real practice.

AJ Lee is facing Alicia Fox. Paige is at ring side of course. Lee has the offense early. Fox finally gets in a big boot. Northern Lights suplex only gets a two count. I could handle seeing that suplex more often. Fox tries to wear down Lee. Fox pins AJ in the corner with a boot. Fox celebrates after and Lee takes advantage. Fox goes outside after a head scissors. Fox & Paige push each other. AJ thinks she can take advantage but they tricked her. Fox gets the pin. Nice work on their part. Orton wonders why Rollins suggested the stipulation. Orton wants to pave his own way and doesn’t want help.

give-me-a-hell-yeah-hell-yeah

Randy Orton talks more about his match but John Cena is going to do the heavy lifting. He tells Orton in no uncertain terms that he’s a joke now. Which is why I’m going with Cena as the easy win. Orton is positioning himself the best he has in a while but he’s not getting that shot at Lesnar yet. Paul Heyman tells the winner that they will be a loser. For some reason, John Cena tries to leave during Heyman’s speech. Cena puts Heyman in an AA. Orton RKOs Cena. I missed the RKO on Heyman in my FF haste.

Rusev is taking on Big E Langston who hasn’t gotten any traction with the Blaxtion. Big E gets in more offense in this match than he did when he was relevant. Rusev turns things around. Big E fights out by eats an elbow. Rusev leg lariats Big E. Rusev gets the tap from the Accolade. Ha. That barely ended after the commercial. Rusev is going to rip Big Show’s heart an eat it. Man, I need to turn into the PPV now. Big Show had an American flag installed instead of the Russian flag. A fake soldier runs in after Rusev fakes pulling down the flag.

Big Show is angry in the next segment. So mad he can’t talk. Big Show is steamed. He’s so mad, he wants Rusev now. Big Show goes to the back after Rusev no shows his challenge. Big Show kicks in Rusev’s locker door. Dean Ambrose is watching See No Evil 2 when John Cena shows up. Ambrose doesn’t have much of a plan other than to fight like hell. Cena tells him he’s more like the Joker.

For some reason, I stop to watch Brie Bella taking on Summer Rae. I took a break to grab a snack. Just in time for Brie Mode. Summer Rae side steps a middle rope drop kick. She only gets a two count. Brie gets it the second time. X Factor for the win.

I'd much rather look at Christmas Abbott than Mick Foley in a Christmas garb. From christmasabbott.co

I’d much rather look at Christmas Abbott than Mick Foley in a Christmas garb. From christmasabbott.co

Dean Ambrose gets to have his worst promo with a Rollins doll. Seth Rollins comes out to stop this nonsense. Rollins runs down the Midwest by reminding them of his origin in the area. Rollins admits to selling out. He doesn’t care still. Ambrose is ready to throw down tonight. Mick Foley shows up for I would guess refereeing purposes? An undisclosed number for the WWE Network. Outstanding. Foley says that Rollins is the favorite on Sunday. Foley says that HIAC is no ordinary match so Ambrose has the advantage. The mic taping by Ambrose cracks me up. Little thing that really helps the character. Ambrose asks Rollins if it’s going to be worth it. Rollins says you need smarts to win the match not craziness. Foley tells them they won’t be the same after the match. (Next Day Note: I know now that Foley was there for emphasis but I’m not sure they needed it. Amborse & Rollins have a good, long story to play off of and both know how to talk.)

Dolph Ziggler is taking on Cesaro. Ziggler got off to a quick start. Cesaro pops him. Ziggler with the drop kick. Ziggler follows Cesaro to the floor. Guerrilla Gut Buster by Cesaro after a break. Cesaro puts on a Million Dollar Dream to Ziggler. Cesaro snaps Ziggler’s neck over the top rope. Ziggler drop kicks Cesaro as he jumps from the top rope. Neck breaker to Cesaro is followed by an elbow. Ziggler rolls thru for a two count. X Factor by Ziggler for a near fall. Cesaro with a super uppercut after a counter. Nice. We at least have a pre-HIAC match. (Next Day Note: I’m not sure either of these guys can elevate the other. I like both of them but they’re both in a rut.)

I blow through everything except the main event itself. Kane is the ring general according to HHH because the other two are bickering. Dean Ambrose has the upper hand on Seth Rollins early. Ambrose body surfs on everyone. They have to sell it. The numbers game catches up quickly so the roles are reversed. Randy Orton makes an appearance. Rollins comes back in quickly. He stays in control long enough for Orton to come back in. John Cena gets tagged in against Rollins. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Kane gets AAed. Cena pulls out a table. Rollins tips the table over and rams Cena into a wedged into a corner chair. Rollins with Sliced Bread from the mat. I’m guessing I just don’t know what it’s called. Neither do the announcers. Cena LOVES taking the steps. Kane tosses Cena thru a table. The Cell comes down as The Authority continues to beat on Cena. Ambrose dives on The Authority. Rollins takes a ridiculous bump off the Cell. Ambrose hits Orton with a kendo stick. Ambrose starts hitting Orton & Kane with a chair. Ambrose suicide dives and rocks Rollins against the Cell again. Orton turns the sling shot clothes line into an RKO. That’s why it doesn’t have a name. Rollins Curb Stomps Orton. – Kevin

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