Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 28 Mar. ’16

23rd REgiment Armory in Brooklyn. Picture courtesy of commons.wikimedia.org

23rd REgiment Armory in Brooklyn. Picture courtesy of commons.wikimedia.org

I’m going to do this review a little different to speed things up. My wife can’t believe “That these two old men are going to be wrestling at Wrestlemania?” Yep and it’s still the most intriguing match up even if Shane McMahon  offered up precious little of what his “changes” would entail. The Undertaker took a top rope elbow through the announce table that was a surprise to only Michael Cole, JBL & Byron Saxton. The Undertaker sat up after this event to show how tough he is but Shane didn’t act too surprised or worried.

Chris Jericho is taking on Zack Ryder, who had a verbal spat back stage earlier today. AJ Styles comes down to request the match. Jericho is ready to apply the Walls of Jericho when Styles chants “Y2Jackass.” Zack Ryder rolls up Jericho for the win. Codebreaker to get Ryder out of the way. Jericho ends up accepting Styles’s challenge. Ryder looking strong for his IC Title chance. Sarcasm alert.

Charlotte takes on Becky Lynch with Sasha Banks not on the head set but at ring side. Ric Flair grabbed the leg of Lynch on her way back into the ring. Charlotte took advantage and gave Lynch a big boot. She followed with Natural Selection for the win. Solid match without giving away too much the week of the show.

Vince McMahon doing a back stage interview is strange. I feel like it’s been a long time. Shane McMahon confronts him. Shane tells him he stole this company from his own father. Shane is going to take it from him on Sunday.

Kane & Big Show took on Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel. Adam Rose & Heath Slater caused the DQ. Then the locker room emptied with no one exciting.

HHH runs down the crowd again but no one cares. He tries to make this WWE Championship match seem more important to the Wrestlemania 32 card than it is. He is heeling it up well. Roman Reigns comes down and throws fists. HHH backs off.

The New Day come out. They make fun of the League of Nations and their possible cereal names. The League got no promo time. Alberto Del Rio took on Kofi Kingston. He ended up losing to Kofi with a roll up. It was a back drop so that Jonathon Coachman could announce that Sportscenter will be at Wrestlemania 32. Great. More sarcasm. I don’t care. It doesn’t make me money.

Roman Reigns is ready to get a back stage promo when Bubba Ray talk trash to him. Devon shows up. Then HHH attacks from behind. HHH is doing everything in his power to make Reigns look like a baby face but the crowd isn’t buying it. There’s actually something of a cheer when HHH cracks his head on the back stage box.

Kalisto took on Connor of the Ascension. Salida Del Sol in short order. Ryback comes down and demands “Feed Me More” then leaves.

Paul Heyman does an excellent job of hyping the match between his client Brock Lesnar and Dean Ambrose. He also describes in much detail how much of a beating Ambrose will take. He then shows up when Heyman is ready to wrap up. Ambrose collects weapons from ring side then leaves. Ambrose never looked at Lesnar. Nice different hype.

Paige and Emma are supposed to have a match but it becomes a back drop to finally setting up the other Divas match at WM on Raw. Emma does win only after Lana kicks her while the referee is distracted. Eva Marie is the big reveal for mystery team mate which was just announced any way. She immediately gets booed because, what did they think would happen? She’s gotten booed at every turn for a while now.

Goldust and R Truth are in yet another segment much to my consternation. Nothing of importance happens.

Sami Zayn, Dolph Ziggler & Sin Cara are taking on Kevin Owens, Stardust & The Miz. The funniest thing in the match to me was the cheap shot Super Kick Ziggler put on the Miz. It’s so unnecessary to use that much force to get someone off the apron. He could just knock him off. Nope, Ziggler went all in. Good for him. The crowd is out for itself by chanting all kinds of nonsense. The match is fine and doesn’t deserve this from the fans. Sami Zayn ends up getting the pin fall on Owens after the Miz & Stardust leave him high and dry.

Stephanie McMahon degrades the crowd more. Seriously Steph, everything is cool behind this keyboard in my work place. HHH barely starts to talk when Roman Reigns shows up. They go back at it again. The heels come out and help HHH mug Reigns. The baby faces come out to even the odds. They separate HHH and Reigns. HHH acts like he’s walking away when he charges back. Reigns catches him by diving onto him. HHH crawls away. Reigns stands defiantly in the ring. That’s the main event now, right? – Kevin

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