Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 3 Sept. ’16

Saved from who had a trademark on the picture.

Saved from who had a trademark on the picture.

After getting a new fancy recap of the happenings from last week. The WWE starts us off with Stephanie McMahon talking to someone about celebrating Kevin Owens’s Championship win. Mick Foley asks her whether she knew about HHH interfering in the match. After an over the top plea, Stephanie says she had nothing to do with it. They are in the ring after the opening video. Stephanie introduces Kevin Owens who has a black suit on. Owens turns on the crowd for chanting “You deserve it!” which is awesome. This guy is trying everything to be the heel. After Owens boasts about Raw being his show, Seth Rollins marches down to the ring. Rollins really digs in about Stephanie knowing what HHH was planning. Rollins is going to burn it all to the ground if they choose Owens over him for the face of the WWE. Owens tells Rollins that the only thing he’s blue printed was failure. Rollins punches Owens. They brawl. Rollins ends up tossing Owens out of the ring. Stephanie tries to suspend Rollins but Foley decides to put him in a match with Owens for the Universal Championship at Clash of Champions.

Stephanie is scolding Mick for usurping her power. Mick said he did it to show that no one is showing favor to Kevin Owens who appears. He complains about Rollins’s bad behavior is rewarded. Owens gets appointed a match against Sami Zayn. Chris Jericho comes in to help his com padre. He ends up getting a match against someone who I will correct later. It was Seth Rollins.

Charlotte talked down to Dana Brooke back stage earlier today. She has to take notes when Charlotte takes on Bayley. She controls the early portion of the match. Charlotte gains the upper hand going into the break. Charlotte has Bayley’s head leg locked. Bayley turns things around with a cross body. Charlotte works over Bayley’s injured leg to turn things back around. Charlotte locks in a Half Crab. Bayley tries to fight out but Charlotte snaps her leg back. Bayley fights back with a spring board back elbow. Bayley sells the knee injury. Charlotte rolls up Bayley after a distraction from Brooke. Bayley kicks her off and knocks heads with Brooke. Bayley to Belly for the win.

Dana Brooke tells Charlotte she’ll make it up to her. Charlotte slaps Brooke and walks away. Brooke looks hurt.

Bo Dallas is back on TV after weeks of the brand split. Bo has the same goofy grin but is talking more serious. Roll of the Dice for the squash win. Squash matches, not just for Braun Strowman & Nia Jax any more.

Chris Jericho is still talking up Kevin Owens. He’s going to kick Seth Rollins’s ass just for his buddy Owens. They hug and Jericho heads to the ring. Those two are cracking me up.

Seth Rollins dismantles Chris Jericho early in the match as I look for a suitable picture for this post. Jericho uses the ref to gain the advantage before the break. Rollins stealing the Sling Balde from Finn Balor still. Rollins going for running forearms in the corner. Is he going for baby face offense? Rollins turns a bunch of counters between both of them into a small package. Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho. Rollins lands on his feet and enziguris Jericho. Rollins air balls on a frog splash. Jericho connects with a Lionsault but only gets two. Jericho connects with his own enziguri. Rollins recovers and hits the Pedigree for the win.

Cesaro comes out for Match 3 in his series with Sheamus. Cesaro gets a back stage promo assuring everyone that Sheamus is just bluster right now. Sheamus does seem like he’s won the series already in his back stage promo. The announcers are really selling the urgency for Cesaro. Sheamus works over Cesaro’s back injury to make his peril even greater. Sheamus with a Brogue Kick for the win.

The Shining Stars thankfully get interrupted by Enzo Amore & Big Cass. After doing their usual schtick, we get a tag team match. Enzo’s suicide dive gives us the break. No one is shocked the Enzo is taking the beating after it. Epico getting some personality by mocking Enzo’s dance. Primo misses a dive into the corner. Big Cass gets the hot tag. He cleans house. He tags in Enzo for the Rocket Launcher. Enzo connects with the wrong man. Primo rolls Enzo up for the unexpected win.

Sami Zayn is bothered that he won the match against Kevin Owens but now Owens is the Universal Champion. Owens comes in and says he thought he was playing catch up this whole time, but the Championship was the finish line. Zayn tells Owens that he won’t need HHH to hand the Title to get it.

Nia Jax gets to squash Ann Esposito. She got in more offense than other opponents but it was still a squash match.

Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson are now retirement specialists. They bring out “The Old Day.” The Old Day say they beat the Power of Positivity out of them. That’s a segment where they’re trying but it’s terrible. New Day comes out and doesn’t make the segment much better. They end up running into the ring but Gallows & Anderson bail. New Day tries to dance but one of the Old Day attacks Big E. New Day beats up Old Day. Super Big Ending.

Darren Young comes out with Bob Backlund. Jinder Mahal is his opponent. Titus O’Neil is on the head set. He’s pissed because Young has never been great so he can’t be “great, again.” Gut Check for the win. O’Neil comes down to attack Backlund but Young jumps him.

Nia Jax beats Braun Strowman to having a feud. She makes fun of Alicia Fox for being friends with Ann Esposito. Fox ends up flipping out like a crazy person. Jax wins in the physical department but walks away before anything serious happens on either end.

Braun Strowman actually beats Jax to a feud. Sin Cara is pissed about Strowman ripping off the lucha dore’s mask last week. Sin Cara connects with a drop kick but it doesn’t phase Strowman. Sin Cara fights back a second time. Strowman tosses Sin Cara into the barricade. Strowman wins by count out. Strowman runs over Sin Cara.

Sasha Banks comes out to make her announcement. She alys out all of the women trail blazers in years past going from Mae Young to Trish Stratus & Lita. She talks about how she used to save up money to go to WWE shows. Dana Brooke is out to finish Banks off for good. Sasha locks in the Bank Statement. Sasha says the bad news wasn’t for her, but for Charlotte.

Sami Zayn comes out first. Kevin Owens comes out second. Owens gains control early. Zayn turns it around before the break. Zayn connects with an over the top rope plancha. He connects a second time. Zayn fights out of a power bomb on the apron. Owens  connects with a Cannon Ball. Half Nelson Suplex in response that only gets a two count. Zayn aggrivates his ankle injury. Him & Cesaro are both selling long term injuries. Zayn hits a similar suplex on the outside. Zayn goes for the Helluva Kick but injures the ankle. Super kick. Pop Up Power Bomb for the win. Roman Reigns music hits. Chris Jericho comes out to confront Reigns.  Mick Foley‘s music hits. If Reigns can beat Owens next week, he gets added to the Universal Championship match at the Clash. That’s all for tonight. Go home happy. Jericho gets speared out of his maroon jeans. Now it’s the end. – Kevin DiFrango

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