Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 23 Oct. ’17

The Johnson Wax Building in Racine WI. Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. Saved from

The WWE starts us of with the usual recap of events. Naturally it centered on the main event of TLC. Kurt Angle is the first one to come to the ring. He gives us a run down of the Survivor Series card which is mostly a champion vs champion show. It will include a men and women’s elimination match too. The Miz is mad that Angle injected himself into the match because of Dean Ambrose’s promise. Isn’t the promise null and void when the Shield isn’t an entity? Which it is when Roman Reigns is out of action. Just as Cesaro, Sheamus and Curtis Axel surround Kurt Angle, Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins come to his aid. The Miz sold out because they’re sticking up for management. Um, they worked for management in their first go around Miz. Angle makes a match with Ambrose, Rollins and AJ Styles taking on Miz & The Bar.

Here’s the paragraph for the match. The first big move of the match is a triple sling shot plancha by The Shield & Styles. It leads to a commercial break. Ambrose is being worked over after it. Ambrose gets to tee off on Sheamus to create an opening. Rollins comes in for the hot tag. His momentum comes to a screeching halt. If Rollins had taken the loss after the DDT, I wouldn’t have argued. I’m channeling my inner Steve Austin. Rollins catches his own beating. Rollins gets tossed outside. The Bar goes after him. Ambrose takes Sheamus into the crowd. Rollins gets away from Cesaro to get Styles in. Ushi Giroshi is not something I’d hear on WWE TV with regularity even five years ago. Styles goes for the Clash but Miz distracts him. Sheamus pulls Styles’s leg. Rollins & Ambrose take out Miz & Sheamus. Flying Forearm for the win. Kane comes out. He waits long enough for the heels to recover so they can all attack.

Kane is still in the ring. He calls Braun Strowman trash. Kane says he saw fear in Strowman’s eyes. Kane is Raw’s only monster. He wants competition like Braun used to ask for. Finn Balor answers the call. That was not who I was expecting. Balor tries to use his speed but it doesn’t work so well. A drop toe hold into the steps finally does the trick for Balor. Finn attacks as Kane comes through the ropes. Sling Blade. Drop Kick into the corner. Kane sits up. Choke Slam then Kane stands over him. Kane gives him a second one. And a third for the victory. I understand and don’t all at the same time. Why not have Styles win last night?

Kurt Angle is talking to someone on the phone. Shane McMahon pops in. They start the annual terrible banter about who is going to win Survivor Series. I don’t remember the results from last year. I’m shocked the writing staff does.

Asuka comes out. We can only hope she takes less time to beat Emma tonight. Corey Graves says that Asuka learns from her mistake so not to expect the same match as last night. This crowd is not very into Asuka. She gets tossed into the ring post. Graves & I are both wrong about the match being shorter. A drop kick off the middle rope turns things around for Asuka. Emma pushes Asuka into the middle turn buckle. Emma goes for a roll up. Asuka flips her into the Asuka Lock for the tap out win.

Alexa Bliss comes out and is ready to officially put Mickie James in the past. She then starts asking for respect. Bliss wants a “You deserve it” chant. This is back firing as planned. James comes out looking smoking hot as usual. Kick to the stomach. Jumping DDT.

Kurt Angle has Bayley & Sasha Banks with him in the back. He wants to name one of them the captain of the Raw women. Alicia Fox wants her chance to be captain. Angle makes a match to earn captain status.

I don’t heed Corey Graves’ advice to use mute with Elias Samson in the ring. He makes an Aaron Rogers joke and gets a huge response. People, you’re not helping get him off TV by reacting this way. Jason Jordan is his opponent again. Booker T continues his Jordan hate. Oh my lord, Michael Cole tries to hand Booker a hater-ade line about Jordan and he doesn’t bite. Cole then appropriately mocks him. Jordan drives Samson into the barricade twice. Samson cracks Jordan with the guitar for the DQ loss. Booker T is an insane person and tries to argue that Jordan was doing something illegal. I want to see Graves & Cole’s facial expressions only during this match.

Paul Heyman notes that people who trash talk denigrate their opponents. He never talks trash to Brock Lesnar opponents because they’re worthy of steeping into the ring with him. Jinder Mahal is worthy of trash talk though. The last time Brock faced a SD opponent, Brock broke a bunch of rules. I’m not sure who that person is.

Kalisto does not respect Enzo Amore. He’s invoking his rematch tomorrow night on 205 Live. Tonight, he’s involved in a ten man match.

Sasha Banks, Bayley & Alicia Fox have their match for the captain spot. Banks & Bayley keep dumping Fox outside. Fox was working over Banks. She took time to laugh at Bayley. Banks fought back. Bayley recovered and double power bombed both of them. Bayley gets two after a weird move with Fox caught up in the ropes. Fox catches a charging Bayley with a boot. Fox grabs the bell and starts ringing it. Banks yanks away the bell. Bayley catches Fox coming back in the ring. Banks breaks up a pin attempt after a Bayley to Belly. Bayley puts down Sasha with a side suplex. Fox gives Bayley a Bayley to Belly. Banks locks in the Bank Statement. Fox fights out when Banks pushes off the ropes. Fox tosses Sasha into Bayley. Sasha leaves the ring. Bayley falls in and Fox pins her for the win.

Drew Gulak has to do Enzo Amore‘s entrance due to a vocal chord injury. Tony Nese, Noam Dar and Ariya Daivari are also on his team. Gran Metallik, Rich Swann, Cedric Alexander and Mustafa Ali are teamign with Kalisto. The match comes down to Daivari & Enzo taking on Swann & Kalisto. The team recovers to save Enzo from being pinned. Enzo with a jumping DDT is broken up by Kalisto’s team. Two flip dives & two moonsaults. Salida Del Sol for the win.

Kurt Angle is ready to announce his team for Survivor Series. Shane McMahon comes through the crowd with the Smackdown Live roster. They go to the back and beat down Titus O’Neil & Apollo Crews. They keep running through different parts of the arena. I FF because it’s contrived even by wrestling standards. – Kevin DiFrango

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