Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw 18 Dec. ’17

Chess Pieces by Dan Hogman on pinterest.

The WWE starts us off with a replay of last week’s main event. Kurt Angle then comes out and punts on what the outcome of last week’s match was. Braun Strowman is out first between him and Kane. Strowman was the last man standing last week so he should be the opponent. That claim brings out the Big Red Machine. Paul Heyman interrupts the posturing. Brock Lesnar does some of his own. Then he gets into some action. Kane gets F5ed but eventually ends up sitting up from it as Lesnar goes to the back.

Seth Rollins comes out for a match. He is soon followed by Jason Jordan. He tells Rollins to take his spot in line to fight Samoa Joe. He comes out and proposes Rollins & Jordan fight each other for the right to take on Joe. Rollins doesn’t like the offer because he has a match with Joe already scheduled.

Jordan pushes Rollins down which prompts him to fight Jordan. I am getting a kick out of Samoa Joe at ring side. Probably not a good thing for the match itself. Booker T admitting that he didn’t sniff the level of Jordan for ten years makes it even funnier that he has a problem with Jordan. He’s just hating because Jordan hit that level in way less than ten years. A spring board clothes line by Rollins makes me more hopeful for the high leverage moments of this match. Rollins took out Jordan with a suicide dive along with himself as he hits the barricade too. Jordan only gets two after two Northern Lights suplexes. Rollins stops Jordan’s momentum with a head butt. Rollins follows with a frog splash. Rollins has a stare down with Joe. They separate but Rollins tosses Jordan into Joe. Rollins then super kicks Joe. He rolls Jordan back inside. Rainmaker Knee for the win. Samoa Joe attacks after the match.

Dean Ambrose joins Rollins to complain to Angle. Jordan comes in to complain about Joe attacking him too. He ends up making a six man match. The Bar & Joe against those three.

Bray Wyatt is ready to play Matt Hardy’s game of chess. I suppose he’s still scary?

Finn Balor is still treated like a big deal while not being so. He is taking on both Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel. The poor announcers have to sell Dallas & Axel who have been jokes for years at this point. I’m not buying what you’re selling. Neither of their singles matches against Balor gave me reason to believe either. This match didn’t help either. Balor is ready to take out Axel with Dallas comes in to beat down Balor causing the DQ. Hideo Itami makes the save. That’s the way to help get eye balls on 205 Live. Dude’s a buddy of Finn Balor!

It ends up being a tag team match after the break. The announcers are selling me on Itami being part of 205 Live. Balor takes Dallas outside the ring. Itami with a GTS on Axel for the win.

Cedric Alexander wants to be the Cruiser Weight Champion. He’s not over looking Drew Gulak tonight though. Enzo Amore comes out with Gulak to put his own spin on the match. He even gives Gulak his microphone. No one doves a flip dive like Alexander. Gulak and him tumble out of the ring which turns things around. Gulak works over Alexander’s back. It ends up costing Cedric on his first come back. Flux Capactor only gets a two count. Gulak ends up getting Alexander in a Single Leg Crab/Camel Clutch type move. Enzo leaves the stage which distracts Gulak. Alexander kicks Gulak in the face. That didn’t really turn the tide but Alexander did win the exchange. Lumbar Check for the win.

Nia Jax is back stage waiting for Enzo. Before they can really talk, Gulak staggers in and apologizes for his loss to Alexander. Jax ends up leaving to let the men settle their situation. Enzo is fuming at Gulak who continues to babble.

Asuka is taking Alicia Fox again. Michael Cole gets to freak out on Booker about his anti-Asuka stance. Asuka has minimal adversity. Arm bar for the tap out win.

The Six Man tag match helps me save time with all of the entrances. Jordan tags himself in to the match early then proceeds to get worked over by Cesaro. Rollins gets an early hot tag. Rollins also gets the multi-man match second beat down. Rollins dodges a charging Sheamus who runs into the post. Cesaro gets tagged in and stops Rollins from tagging out. Rollins gets tossed outside and a brawl ensues. Ambrose comes out on top. He awaits a tag from Rollins. Cesaro boots Ambrose to prevent a tag. Rollins dives onto the whole crew. Rollins gets distracted by an Ambrose injury. Brogue Kick while the ref is attending to Ambrose. Cesaro covers for the win.

Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins are attacked in the trainer’s area by the heel trio.

The Revival has had bad luck with injuries. They take on Rhyno & Heath Slater. Shatter Machine in short order for the win. Kurt Angle tells Rhyno & Heath to toughen up. Rhyno takes it as a time to be a mentor to Slater.

Who wants to walk with Elias? Plenty of people from the reaction. Elias is the first to declare his stake in the Royal Rumble. His song about Roger Goodell was cut off by Sasha Banks. Then Mickie James came out. Then Bayley came out. She tries to get a hug from him. It fails. They are taking on Paige, Mandy Rose & Sonya Deville. Michael Cole mentioning that Paige had them on Tough Enough finally gives us a reason as to why they are a team. They still don’t fit in my opinion. Rose & Deville assault Sasha to cause a DQ. Nia Jax makes a save. She double Samoan Drops Rose & Deville. Paige gets the upper hand by attacking from behind. The rest of the locker room makes the save. Stephanie McMahon comes out to taut the women’s division. She announces the women’s Royal Rumble match. Cool. – Kevin DiFrango

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