Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 16 July ’18
The WWE starts us off with Kurt Angle in the ring. Since he “hadn’t heard from Brock Lesnar or his agent” (even though he did hear from him on Twitter), he was going to strip him of the Universal Championship. Paul Heyman comes out to finally answer. Why is Angle sounding like Roman Reigns? After many platitudes about how Lesnar loves being Universal Champ, Angle demands that he defend the Belt at Summerslam. Heyman (I think) mocks Angle’s moxy to make this ultimatum. Bobby Lashley is first in line. Drew McIntyre is next out. The surprise doesn’t hit me since I saw this doing an ROH Twitter review. Seth Rollins wants his chance too. Elias pipes up too. Finn Balor joins the fun too. Roman Reigns wants his say too. Angle makes two triple threat matches. Elias vs Rollins vs Lashley is one.
McIntyre vs Balor vs Reigns is the other. Michael Cole wonders what Lesnar thinks of all of this. Um, the last time Heyman was on TV, he said pretty much everyone except McIntyre wasn’t worthy. Had McIntyre been important then he would have been under the bus too. Baron Corbin is mad that he isn’t in one of the matches. Thanks for letting me bold someone’s name in this paragraph. This match is moving along with no one having a long dominant spell. McIntyre flip dives onto Reigns. Balor dodges the dive and pushes McIntyre into the steps. Double Stomp on Drew’s neck. Stomp on Reigns back in the ring. Balor kicks Reigns in the face. He goes up for Coup De Grace. McIntyre cracks him with a chair, legal in triple threat matches. McIntyre is in control of Reigns at the break. Balor reintroduces the chair and assaults both of them. Balor goes outside to attack McIntyre. He sees Reigns coming and allows him to Spear McIntyre. Balor attacks Reigns and gets him back in the ring. Reigns catches him with a Superman Punch but only gets two. Reigns Hulks up for the Spear. Balor kicks him. Drop Kick into the corner. Coup De Grace but McIntyre pulls him out of the ring. McIntyre rolls Balor back into the ring after an assault. Reigns Superman Punches McIntyre then Balor. McIntyre Claymores Balor. Superman Punch on McIntyre to knock him out of the ring. Spear on Balor for the win.
Bayley is waiting on Kurt Angle. He asks how counseling went. She says it just didn’t work. Angle makes a match with her & Sasha Banks against Dana Brooke & Alicia Fox. He threatens to trade one of them if they can’t work out their issues. Please make trades, let’s say every other month.
Dolph Ziggler comes out. He gets to do some bragging and people cheer. He gives Rollins credit then proceeds to run him down. Bobby Roode answers the call though. Roode admits that the sidelines suck. That’s why he’s out to challenge Ziggler. He accepts Roode’s challenge but doesn’t put the Belt on the line. Roode tosses Ziggler to the outside but doesn’t capitalize. He does, finally, after I type that. Ziggler has “veteran instincts.” Hilarious since Roode has wrestled longer. Roode takes back over until he falls for the same trick twice. Roode rolls through a sleeper and gets back on the offensive. Dolph counters a Glorious DDT. They counter a bunch of pin falls. Ziggler counters into a Zig Zag but only gets two. Roode catapults Ziggler into the corner. Spine buster for a two count. Roode hurts his knee. Superkick by Ziggler for the win. I expected the non-title win. Ziggler could use some wins so I won’t argue.
Bobby Lashley vows to be the Universal Champion.
Bobby Roode is walking back stage. He gets a slow clap from Mojo Rawley. Interesting possible feud. He is facing Tyler Breeze. Rawley gets to show off the size advantage. Breeze gets to show that he’s a bump machine. Alabama Slam for the win.
Bayley & Sasha Banks have their match against Alicia Fox & Dana Brooke. Bayley starts against Fox. Brooke knocks Banks off the apron so that Bayley can’t tag. Bayley takes over after that. Brooke levels Bayley with a clothes line and tosses her outside. Fox attacks Bayley on the outside. Banks comes to her aid but gets everyone counted out. The announcers are very unconvincing about the outcome of the match and it’s implications moving forward. Banks doesn’t want anyone else beating up Bayley. Banks doesn’t want to talk about her feelings. Banks says she loves her and leaves. The WWE stops another launching of this feud. The WWE stops another launching of this feud. I feel like Charlie Brown. I really thought it was happening this time. Never buying their feud until the next time.
Braun Strowman is sorry that he didn’t get to congratulate Kevin Owens on his victory last night. Braun doesn’t need to be No. 1 Contender because he has the Money In The Bank briefcase.
The B Team hits the ring. The B Team celebrating is hilarious. They are taking on the Ascension. Curtis Axel tosses Connor into the ring post to start a beat down. Scott Dawson & Dash Wilder still watching TV in the WWE Style. Bo Dallas is in the ring when Viktor gets the “hot tag.” Axel low bridges Connor. Super Neck Breaker for the win. Bray Wyatt & Matt Hardy are upset. They want their rematch next week. Delete is losing it’s oomph.
Alexa Bliss comes out with Mickie James so that she can brag more. She has dominated the women’s division because of her brain. She has beaten everyone in locker room and has no challengers. Ronda Rousey comes to the ramp thru the crowd. Rousey gets her hands on James. Spinning Samoan Drop. She tries to get an arm bar on but Bliss pulls James out of the ring. Refs come down to break it up. Ronda breaks away and gets to Bliss. Angle tells her to stop. Baron Corbin wants more punishment. He forgot his phone. Angle tells Rousey that she can have a match against Bliss for the Raw Women’s Championship but only if she doesn’t have another out burst like this one.
Charley Caruso wants to know what’s on Seth Rollins mind. He’s ready to be next the Universal Champion. He knows Reigns will have no problems if they have to fight for the shot.
Authors Of Pain come out. Apollo Crews & Titus O’Neil are ready for pay back. They may get the mic time but they aren’t getting the victory. Razar screaming in Albanian (assuming) is scary. The crowd is watching in stunned silence. Nice cover work by Graves. The Ascension had more of a chance against The B Team. Last Chapter for the win.
Sarah Logan is facing Ember Moon this week. Naturally, Liv Morgan is at ring side. I guess Logan has Viking roots. Morgan & Logan have benefited from Riott being gone. They both already have more back ground. Logan gets to work over Moon far more than Morgan. Moon kicks her in the head to break a hold. Moon gives her a knee lift. Morgan gets knocked off the apron. Logan takes advtantage momentarily. Suicide Dive by Moon but she only gets a two count. Moon goes up for the Eclipse. Morgan distracts her. Logan knocks her off and gets the pin. They all need something to do so I like extending the feud. Moon still goes over in the long run.
Elias still gets his guitar spot. His insults for Buffalo just start right away. They’re all about being depressed because Buffalo. Seth Rollins interrupts his performance. As Bobby Lashley comes to the ring, Elias attacks Rollins from behind. Lashley handles Elias. Rollins picks off Elias outside. Rollins & Lashley square off. When Lashley goes for a suplex on Rollins, Elias knees him in the face. Elias tosses Lashley into a post. Rollins misses a suicide dive. Elias slams Lashley into another post. Top rope elbow drop only gets a two. Rollins frog splashes Rollins. Elias tosses him out and goes for the pin but only gets two. Rollins gets two after a Block Buster. Rollins buckle bombs Lashley. Rollins superplexes then Falcon Arrows Elias. Rollins connects with suicide dives on both opponents. Rollins with the Stomp on Elias. Lashley breaks up the pin. Lashley takes over with his power. Delayed Suplex. Lashley sets up for the Spear. Lashley misses. Side kick by Rollins. Elias pulls Rollins out of the ring. Lashley Spears Elias for the win. Now why wasn’t this same match a number one contender’s match for Extreme Rules?
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