Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 9 July ’18
The WWE starts us off with a video package for Roman Reigns and Bobby Lashley. Reigns is growing his beard out to look tougher. Lashley steps in front of him on his way to the ring. Lashley wants to be called out so that he can tear Reigns apart. Reigns cuts to the chase and calls out Lashley. Kurt Angle & Constable Corbin come out to stop the impending brawl but his pleas fall of deaf ears. All of the jobbers come out to separate them. I suppose Finn Balor & Bobby Roode aren’t jobbers. Lashley gets in one good flattening of Reigns. Roman gets in a dive over the top rope spot shortly after.
Mickie James & Alexa Bliss are watching the TV in the back like a bunch of normal WWE employees aka like no one else in their right minds would. They are taking on Nia Jax & Natalya. The bulk of the beat down on Natalya takes place when they’re on commercial. Jax press slams James. Leg drop for the win. Bliss attacks Jax with a kendo stick as the ref hits three. Jax recovers enough to grab the kendo stick then snap it in half. Charley Caruso asks Jax about the under handed tactics of Bliss. She’s ready to give Bliss the pay back she deserves.
Kevin Owens stops in to talk to Kurt Angle after a video package of himself & Braun Strowman. Owens gives Angle a Doctor’s note that he isn’t physically able to wrestle tonight. Owens parks himself in Angle’s office.
No Way Jose is finally getting his rematch against Mojo Rawley. I’m sure you can read my excitement. Rawley only gets two after a Pounce. Rawley just wears down Jose with a rest hold. Jose catches a charging Rawley with a knee. Mojo with an Alabama Slam for the win.
Bayley & Sasha Banks got a female therapist this week. Bayley is tired of being stabbed in the back.
Jinder Mahal tries to give Seth Rollins a pep talk. Rollins mockingly asks for help then walks away. Rollins reminsces about his experiences in Boston. He grabs my attention though by calling Drew McIntyre an over grown Wookie. Dolph Ziggler gets the mic first when they come out though. Ziggler shows Rollins the Intercontinental Championship. Rollins nails Ziggler with a zinger then Ziggler loses his train of thoughts. Ziggler then goes on to brag about all of his accomplishments. Rollins wonders why McIntyre is even listening to Ziggler. Rollins then figures out that Ziggler has dirt on McIntyre. Drew challenges Rollins to a match later tonight.
The B Team is dressed up as Matt Hardy & Bray Wyatt again. They come out to the ring that way too. They mock them but also lay stake to the Tag Team Championships. Bray Wyatt & Matt Hardy teleport to the ring. I forgot Wyatt was slated to face Bo Dallas. The Revival is also watching TV like a bunch of loyal WWE employees.Hardy gets to show a mean streak which is somewhat needed. The announcers are really selling it too. Hardy goes to suplex Dallas out of the ring. Axel distracts him. Wyatt takes out Axel. Dallas catches Hardy coming back in. Cross Rhodes from a hanging position for the win.
Renee Young wonders what’s in Bobby Lashley’s head. He has no respect for Roman Reigns. He tells us that Reigns won’t walk out of Extreme Rules.
Liv Morgan & Sarah Logan get to rip up Fashion Police shirts this week while Tyler Breeze. The “Riott” continues. This has got to be an inside joke, right? They’ve got to know how bad it is by now.
Sasha Banks doesn’t get any real air time. Jonathan Coachman says that her & Bayley not getting along could cost them their job. Doesn’t he know they’d just sign with Smackdown Live?
Alexa Bliss was excited about getting to crack Jax with a kendo stick.
Ember Moon is mixing it up with Liv Morgan again. Ruby Riott is out with an injury. No time table is given. Morgan is not trying to be a carbon copy. That is so rich since she a cross between Bliss & Carmella. Morgan gives Moon a Tornado Spike that gets a near fall. Moon jumps while Morgan is on her back. Morgan breaking out the Matrix move. Moon drops Morgan into the turn buckle. Moon has some great Strong Style type offense that is mixed with some high flying. That my friends is unique. Sarah Logan gets clocked for her interference. Morgan tries to take advantage but can’t. Jack Knife Cover by Moon for the win.
Finn Balor gets about his feud with Baron Corbin. Bobby Roode answers for him though. He blows smoke up Balor’s ass.
Kevin Owens and Kurt Angle are not a comedy act. Drew McIntyre is banned from ring side at Extreme Rules. Owens & Ziggler protest. McIntyre says it will be fine since Rollins won’t get thru him tonight.
Elias comes out and does his thing. People love to say Walk With Elias then boo him ten seconds later. Constable Corbin wants to sing a lullaby. Roode & Corbin clothes line each other. Balor gets a short lived hot tag. Corbin grabs his leg and Elias takes advantage. A Sling Blade by Balor creates an opening. Roode gets the second hot tag. Roode gets caught coming off the top rope. Choke Slam Back Breaker. Balor breaks up the pin. Corbin takes out Balor. Blockbuster by Roode for a two count. Balor pulls Elias off the apron and clocks him. Corbin goes after him. Balor gets the better of him. Balor gets crotched by Corbin. Roode dodges a charging Corbin. Roode goes for the Glorious DDT. Corbin with an End of Days for the win. We all knew that was why Roode was in this match, right?
Braun Strowman comes into Angle’s office. He announces a Steel Cage Match between Strowman and Owens. Strowman thinks Owens wreaks of fear and aerosols him.
Sasha Banks & Bayley are on TV again but don’t have audio for the second straight segment.
Roman Reigns is a Dog. He has a killer instinct that Lashley doesn’t have. He’s beating Lashley and moving on to bigger and better things. Good stuff.
Drew McIntyre is wrestling to stay at ring side at ER. Ahhh. My bad. McIntyre controls the early part of the match with his size advantage. Rollins tries to get rolling with a suicide dive but McIntyre turns it into a tilt a whirl back breaker on the ring apron. McIntyre really looking good for the first time in his return. McIntyre continues to beat down. Rollins drops Drew into the bottom turn buckle. Sling Blade by Rollins. A pair of suicide dives connect. Spring Board clothes line by Rollins only gets two. Block Buster also gets two. Rollins goes fo the Stomp but Drew dodges it. McIntyre gives Rollins a backwards Alabama Slam. At least I think that’s what you’d call that. Sit Down Power Bomb by McIntyre only gets a two count. Rollins crotches McIntyre. Drew is caught in a Tree of Woe. McIntyre pulls up and throws down Rollins from the top rope. Super Kick by Rollins is followed by a Falcon Arrow. McIntyre head butts Rollins who again kicks out. McIntyre takes Rollisn to the top rope. Rollins slips out. Buckle Bomb is followed by a side kick. Ziggler eats a boot and later takes the Stomp. Rollins turns around to eat a Claymore for the loss. – Kevin DiFrango
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