Stunt Granny Audio #192

This an excruciatingly special edition of Stunt Granny Audio because it features the reuniting of Jeremy, Eric and Dusty for the first time in a long, long time. And not only that, but it also features the debut of several different new features of Stunt Granny Audio, including the Top Five At Five, Match Game and the Mount Rushmore game. Can you barely contain your excitement!? They talk about the nine hour long AJ-Daniel Bryan-CM Punk segment that opened Raw, they talk about the heart warming ascent of Austin Aries, they talk about Iowa’s own Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame and who will all be there, and they talk about a whole lot more things that you can only know about if you listen to the audio. So why don’t you do that? NOW.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #192

Stunt Granny Big 11, Week Ending 9/17/2011

1. Claudio Castagnoli - All signs point to Claudio finally signing (well, re-signing, after one failed attempt) with WWE. Various reports have him heading to Florida Championship Wrestling under the name Antonio Cesaro. Other reports have me heading to Olive Garden to order the antonio cesaro with a breadstick, but whatever. Good move by all parties. – Eric
2. Hulk Hogan - Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling debuted this week on TruTV. I didn’t watch it, I don’t think the other SG guys did… I don’t think anybody did. If this even appears on the Nielsen ratings, I bet it’s a… SMALL number!!! Christ, get me out of here… - Eric
3. Matt Hardy - OK, let’s face it, it’s impossible to fill this up with 12 things if you don’t mention the literal white elephant in the room. (You’d think with all the drugs he does, he’d be skinnier, right?) Days after calling people out for being mean to him based on his personal choices (which he freely Tweets about and also which become a matter of public record because he’s a danger to others), he gets arrested for another DWI, this time in an airport. And then he claimed he was framed. By cops who have a vendetta against him. Wow. Not sure where the radiation came from that’s killed his brain, his antique North Carolinian computer monitor he sits in front of all day, or the microwave that nukes his daily 12-Hot Pocket lunch. - Eric
4. The Rock - He is flaunting the idea that he and John Cena will meet for the first time at Survivor Series. In other words a year was too long to wait for the first ever match up so let’s hype it all in two months. Long term planning be damned – Jeremy
5. Night of Champions - Why hasn’t the question been brought up more - neither Triple H nor CM Punk are champions. Why are they on this card? – Jeremy

6. Ric Flair/Sting - Really, this writes itself. They main event an episode of Impact Wrestling and it was a barn burner. It encompassed everything wrong with TNA. One guy can’t go and the other is bored but won’t retire. You figure out which is which. - Jeremy

7. Alex Riley – This is fake, but I don’t really give a flip:

I believe WWE is still presenting this as if it’s Riley official Twitter page, and therefore this gives me carte blanche to pretend this is a real news story. – Dusty

8. Teddy Hart – We’re talking new wrestling with keys to unlock weapons, robotic turnbuckles that can adjust the height, skateboarders, dogs running interference, etc. We’re talking about http://www.fightnetwork.com/news/wrestling/john-pollock-wai-ting-chat-w-teddy-hart/. We’re talking about Persian cats being the best cats the cat world can possibly offer. – Dusty

9. Bill Watts – So apparently he sucked a guy off once?

…Certainly, the sins above mentioned, we cannot overlook in our “judgmental pride” of being heterosexual—and I personally have been so guilty of them, and in my depravity of these abominations have so grieved the Spirit of God as I transgressed in them—–including even foolish, but not innocent homosexual experiences (not that I ever participated in committing a homosexual act myself, or even any homosexual touching, or being touched, or have even entertained any homosexual feelings—-but allowed myself to be orally gratified—-and that strictly one person’s oral stimulation only, by this homosexual at one point in my life)—-in my youth, as I reached that age of puberty, and hormonal rages, and sexual exploration——and worse, even allowing myself to be gratified by this homosexual for financial reward—–as many of us “young athletes did” (and I’m also speaking here of some of these athletes who became real stars in their sports, so we are not talking about “just ordinary people”—–or ignorant, or poverty trapped victims, but some exceptionally gifted athletes)—–as we were preyed upon by this influential and wealthy pervert in our youth——which does not in anyway excuse me in this abomination. (Yes, he also preyed on others, the non-athletes too.)Now, this person who I’m referring to above, was allowed to function in a very influential position by both of the major universities in our state, recruiting young high school athletes to their programs, (and as I have already indicated, many of whom he “gratified” later became stars in their sport—-football, wrestling, baseball, etc.) though these universities were “unaware” of his perversion—-at least initially, or else, they just “looked the other way.” (And, at some various points in time, he was even arrested for his perversion on young boys, but released, and went on as if nothing had happened, and continued in his relationship with these schools too, until the publicity of his activities became too well known.)

But I can tell you, he used that position to feed his desires by orally gratifying many “weak and impressionable,” and “morally weak” young boys and men—–and has continued to integrate himself into situations that would allow him to seduce even more—–for years and years and years now. When last I heard, he was still in charge of promoting youth wrestling in our state’s capital city.

If you consider how many young men and boys this one person practiced his perversion on—–even clear back when it was illegal——-can you imagine now, when we have created a “protected status” for them?!

He also introduced many of us to pornography—–to stimulate us while he indulged himself with us, because we certainly were not stimulated by him. I do not say this to excuse myself for allowing him to gratify me. I am totally responsible for my own actions in this!…

He’s the best booker ever, so I have to believe he did the right thing in this instance. – Dusty
Edit: Since I was a lazy and forgetful bastard, my choices got left off so I’ll add them now.
10. Night of Champions II – I’ve been excited about the recent resurgence of the tag team and to a lesser degree the Women’s division. It just dawned on me though that this could just be a longer term plan to make this pay per view more interesting then both of these divisions will be shuttered much like they have been for the past five years. Why else would the WWE give the main face of the tag team a division a name as terrible as Air Boom? -Kevin

11. Super Shows – I’m glad we have super shows now so that everything good that occurs on Smackdown will be repeated on Raw so that a much larger audience sees them. (That’s sarcasm.) See Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes and Mark Henry’s promo from each. I guess it’ll save me time in the future viewing both shows. -Kevin

12. What TNA Did Right This Week – I know I stole this gimmick from Jeremy quite some time ago but I will admit to liking the AJ Styles and Devon promos on Jeff Hardy. It’s a small consolation prize after watching the remainder of the crappy show including the awful finish from the aforementioned Sting vs. Ric Flair travesty. -Kevin

Dusty’s Blog: A Closer Look At The Jeff Hardy Situation

I have been conditioned to believe that everything involving a Hardy brother right now is a work. A rib. A con. A ruse. An implement used to pull the wool over people’s eyes. Not kosher. You get the general idea. So when I saw Jason Powell post this yesterday afternoon, I read it with a jaundiced eye, to be sure:

TNA officials came close to pulling Jeff Hardy from Sunday’s TNA Final Resolution pay-per-view. At one point, there was concern amongst TNA management that Hardy was in no condition to perform. There was talk of making an announcement that Hardy was injured, and that he was being stripped of the TNA Title.

Replacement main events were discussed and they were planning to go with an alternate main event at one point. However, the original main event of Hardy vs. Matt Morgan with Mr. Anderson as the special referee was back on as of last check.

Everyone’s immediate instinct is to get all up in arms when they read something like that. How could TNA let him perform under these conditions? They should fire him for being so unprofessional!

The problem with this logic is that this kind of thing has been TNA’s M.O. for a long time now. WWE released Kurt Angle because he was in such bad condition, they didn’t want him to die in a WWE ring. Desmond Wolfe failed a WWE physical so badly that they wouldn’t even consider signing him to a contract. They handed him to TNA, so unconcerned were they about losing him as a prospect.

So this really shouldn’t be anything new, work or shoot. But I hesitated on posting something about it until today because I wanted to read about (couldn’t be bothered to actually watch the show live, mind you – making me exactly like almost every other fan of professional wrestling) exactly what happened on the show and whether he wrestled or not. And, of course, he did. He wrestled a 12 minute main event title match against Matt Morgan, who obviously deserves much better than that, and is likely just counting down the days on his contract until he can go back to WWE and become a star.

As I indicated before, I figured it was a work from the beginning. Like in any good murder mystery, you have to look for the person ultimately responsible. In this case, you have to realize that Vince Russo still books TNA. Against all better judgment, all sense of reason and common sense, it’s still Vince Russo who is responsible for TNA’s murders. Let’s examine that more closely for a minute, shall we.

People can get in for free at the Orlando Fairgrounds. So there is no way to judge whether their booking is effective in getting people to pay money to come to the live events. The same amount of people every month watch their PPVs. Most people who view their PPVs opt to do so less than legally online. Apparently only people without an internet connection are willing to pay to see the product on pay-per-view. So that’s not the best way to gauge the product either.

The bottom line here is that there exists no system of checks and balances to show whether Vince Russo is doing a good job or not. I mean, I don’t know how to cook worth a damn, but I can tell you when you just burned your soufflé. But if you want statistics to back that up, I come up woefully short. If TNA does anything well, it’s keeping you from knowing just how not well things are going.

So back to Jeff Hardy. He’s looking at serving prison time for drugs, so when you hear something like “in no condition to perform” you automatically think he’s up to his old tricks. And whether it’s a work or a shoot, it’s a sad situation because no one is able to say, “Well, wait a minute, that doesn’t make sense!” Because it does. It’s perfectly plausible that Jeff Hardy would show up to any given show higher than ten kites stacked on top of eleven kites, being flown by Kevin DiFrango.

In a true professional wrestling organization, well run with discipline and accountability, Jeff Hardy would never have been booked in a main event World Title match at a PPV in the first place. He probably wouldn’t be employed. Once again, I go back to the example Bill Watts gave in his RF Video shoot interview. In 1995, when Shawn Michaels, Sean Waltman and Davey Boy Smith got beat up by a bunch of Marines in a bar that time, that’s three guys who should have been fired on the spot. They were drunk and hopped up on whatever, and they got beat up and made to look bad to boot. Which, in turn, makes the company look bad. It doesn’t matter if these are top guys or not, what they did was profoundly stupid and unprofessional, and you can’t be having that in your company. You need to send the message that it is unacceptable.

In TNA, there is no such accountability. They are willing to hire people with drug addictions, pain killer addictions, people so broken down they can’t even pass a basic physical examination. And you can’t argue that they can’t afford to lose Hardy because he’s too important to the company. We’ve already established here that they have no business model for financial success. They can’t even market him properly; the top babyface in all of wrestling in 2009 is now being utilized as a heel, thus potentially castrating his ability to sell merchandise.

So I refuse to get all up in arms about whether he really was in no condition to perform (Powell’s suggestion that he must have “slept it off” before going out to wrestle is wholly laughable here), because the problem isn’t with Jeff Hardy. Jeff Hardy is simply doing what he always does: get high, have fun, mess around, be a big kid. It’s the company’s fault here. They are sending him the message that it is perfectly okay to behave in that manner. No repercussions will follow. He’s a former WWE superstar, and that’s all that really matters to TNA anyway.

 Because for as long as TNA exists, it does not exist to make money. It does not exist to get good television ratings. It does not exist to sell a bunch of pay-per-views. It exists as somebody’s vanity project, a chance for them to rub elbows with superstars and get their face on TV. And after all, isn’t that what’s really important?

Stunt Granny Nostalgia Audio: NXT And Jobbers!

Stunt Granny Audio is never BLANK...

Dusty takes time out from nursing his back to health with chocolate ice cream and a Crazy for Swayze Movie Madness Marathon to join resident Stunt Granny nostalgia specialist Dan “Zourah” Kuester in talking about a veritable plethora of things, wrestling and non-wrestling related alike. Who do the guys think is going to win this season of Survivor? Which one reminds Dusty of Kaiser Soze? What do the kind young gentlemen think of the NXT guys? What does that have to do with nostalgia anyway? Find out how everything gets tied together like an Encyclopedia Brown novel in this audio spectacular! Or else!

Stunt Granny Nostalgia Audio: NXT And Jobbers!

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