Stunt Granny Big 11, Week Ending 9/17/2011

1. Claudio Castagnoli – All signs point to Claudio finally signing (well, re-signing, after one failed attempt) with WWE. Various reports have him heading to Florida Championship Wrestling under the name Antonio Cesaro. Other reports have me heading to Olive Garden to order the antonio cesaro with a breadstick, but whatever. Good move by all parties. – Eric
2. Hulk Hogan – Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling debuted this week on TruTV. I didn’t watch it, I don’t think the other SG guys did… I don’t think anybody did. If this even appears on the Nielsen ratings, I bet it’s a… SMALL number!!! Christ, get me out of here… – Eric
3. Matt Hardy – OK, let’s face it, it’s impossible to fill this up with 12 things if you don’t mention the literal white elephant in the room. (You’d think with all the drugs he does, he’d be skinnier, right?) Days after calling people out for being mean to him based on his personal choices (which he freely Tweets about and also which become a matter of public record because he’s a danger to others), he gets arrested for another DWI, this time in an airport. And then he claimed he was framed. By cops who have a vendetta against him. Wow. Not sure where the radiation came from that’s killed his brain, his antique North Carolinian computer monitor he sits in front of all day, or the microwave that nukes his daily 12-Hot Pocket lunch. – Eric
4. The Rock – He is flaunting the idea that he and John Cena will meet for the first time at Survivor Series. In other words a year was too long to wait for the first ever match up so let’s hype it all in two months. Long term planning be damned – Jeremy
5. Night of Champions – Why hasn’t the question been brought up more – neither Triple H nor CM Punk are champions. Why are they on this card? – Jeremy

6. Ric Flair/Sting – Really, this writes itself. They main event an episode of Impact Wrestling and it was a barn burner. It encompassed everything wrong with TNA. One guy can’t go and the other is bored but won’t retire. You figure out which is which. – Jeremy

7. Alex Riley – This is fake, but I don’t really give a flip:

I believe WWE is still presenting this as if it’s Riley official Twitter page, and therefore this gives me carte blanche to pretend this is a real news story. – Dusty

8. Teddy Hart – We’re talking new wrestling with keys to unlock weapons, robotic turnbuckles that can adjust the height, skateboarders, dogs running interference, etc. We’re talking about http://www.fightnetwork.com/news/wrestling/john-pollock-wai-ting-chat-w-teddy-hart/. We’re talking about Persian cats being the best cats the cat world can possibly offer. – Dusty

9. Bill Watts – So apparently he sucked a guy off once?

…Certainly, the sins above mentioned, we cannot overlook in our “judgmental pride” of being heterosexual—and I personally have been so guilty of them, and in my depravity of these abominations have so grieved the Spirit of God as I transgressed in them—–including even foolish, but not innocent homosexual experiences (not that I ever participated in committing a homosexual act myself, or even any homosexual touching, or being touched, or have even entertained any homosexual feelings—-but allowed myself to be orally gratified—-and that strictly one person’s oral stimulation only, by this homosexual at one point in my life)—-in my youth, as I reached that age of puberty, and hormonal rages, and sexual exploration——and worse, even allowing myself to be gratified by this homosexual for financial reward—–as many of us “young athletes did” (and I’m also speaking here of some of these athletes who became real stars in their sports, so we are not talking about “just ordinary people”—–or ignorant, or poverty trapped victims, but some exceptionally gifted athletes)—–as we were preyed upon by this influential and wealthy pervert in our youth——which does not in anyway excuse me in this abomination. (Yes, he also preyed on others, the non-athletes too.)Now, this person who I’m referring to above, was allowed to function in a very influential position by both of the major universities in our state, recruiting young high school athletes to their programs, (and as I have already indicated, many of whom he “gratified” later became stars in their sport—-football, wrestling, baseball, etc.) though these universities were “unaware” of his perversion—-at least initially, or else, they just “looked the other way.” (And, at some various points in time, he was even arrested for his perversion on young boys, but released, and went on as if nothing had happened, and continued in his relationship with these schools too, until the publicity of his activities became too well known.)

But I can tell you, he used that position to feed his desires by orally gratifying many “weak and impressionable,” and “morally weak” young boys and men—–and has continued to integrate himself into situations that would allow him to seduce even more—–for years and years and years now. When last I heard, he was still in charge of promoting youth wrestling in our state’s capital city.

If you consider how many young men and boys this one person practiced his perversion on—–even clear back when it was illegal——-can you imagine now, when we have created a “protected status” for them?!

He also introduced many of us to pornography—–to stimulate us while he indulged himself with us, because we certainly were not stimulated by him. I do not say this to excuse myself for allowing him to gratify me. I am totally responsible for my own actions in this!…

He’s the best booker ever, so I have to believe he did the right thing in this instance. – Dusty
Edit: Since I was a lazy and forgetful bastard, my choices got left off so I’ll add them now.
10. Night of Champions II – I’ve been excited about the recent resurgence of the tag team and to a lesser degree the Women’s division. It just dawned on me though that this could just be a longer term plan to make this pay per view more interesting then both of these divisions will be shuttered much like they have been for the past five years. Why else would the WWE give the main face of the tag team a division a name as terrible as Air Boom? -Kevin

11. Super Shows – I’m glad we have super shows now so that everything good that occurs on Smackdown will be repeated on Raw so that a much larger audience sees them. (That’s sarcasm.) See Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes and Mark Henry’s promo from each. I guess it’ll save me time in the future viewing both shows. -Kevin

12. What TNA Did Right This Week – I know I stole this gimmick from Jeremy quite some time ago but I will admit to liking the AJ Styles and Devon promos on Jeff Hardy. It’s a small consolation prize after watching the remainder of the crappy show including the awful finish from the aforementioned Sting vs. Ric Flair travesty. -Kevin

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