What’s the Roman numeral for 2000? Anyway, this was the biggest WrestleMania of the past five years without WWF’s biggest star, Steve Austin, on the card, so WWF went into heavy PR mode, including getting each of the four main-event participants a guest-host gig on Saturday Night Live. It was still an odd card, with only one singles match, for the Women’s Title. Somewhere in the chaos was one or two matches worth voting for, so have at it!
Unfortunately, I have been unable to locate the pictures of myself and my younger brother dressed up as the Bush Whackers for Halloween. Luckily for everyone who enjoys me making an ass out of myself, I found a picture of myself celebrating my tenth birthday with a WWF cake made by my mother. Merry Christmas. -Kevin
We here at Stunt Granny are suckers for nostalgia, so when we think of Survivor Series, we don’t think of some queefy triple threat match with John Cena, CM Punk and Ryback. We hearken back to the days when teams of five (or four) strive to survive! You know, hence the name of the event. At its inception, the Survivor Series pay-per-view was composed of elimination matches, with the goal of survival at the expense of the entire opposing team. Then they started fucking with the format, and now it’s a bunch of singles matches, with the token bone thrown at us older fans of one, maybe two elimination matches.
Well screw you, WWE, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 Survivor Series elimination matches of all time! We’ve scoured YouTube for copyright infringers (them, not us) and found most of these matches for your viewing pleasure. If you find one that we couldn’t, leave the link in a comment and we’ll post it. (Don’t rip it and upload yourself; remember, we’re not the ones breaking the law )
Side note: How was the 1989 event so damn good?? The worst match featured the top draw and two of the best workers of all time!
1988 Powers of Pain & Rockers & Hart Foundation & British Bulldogs & Young Stallions
vs.
Demolition & Brain Busters & Bolsheviks & Fabulous Rougeaus & Conquistadors
1989 Ultimate Warrior & Jim Neidhart & Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty
vs.
Andre the Giant & Arn Anderson & Haku & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
Macho King Randy Savage & Earthquake & Dino Bravo & Greg Valentine
vs.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Bret Hart & Ronnie Garvin & Hercules
Dusty Rhodes & Brutus Beefcake & Red Rooster & Tito Santana
vs.
Big Boss Man, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel and Honky Tonk Man
Rick Rude & Mr. Perfect & Fabulous Rougeaus
vs.
Roddy Piper & Jimmy Snuka & Bushwhackers
1991 Ric Flair, The Mountie, Ted DiBiase, & Warlord
vs.
Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Virgil, & Davey Boy Smith
1993 Marty Jannetty, Randy Savage, Razor Ramon, & The 1-2-3 Kid
vs.
Irwin R. Schyster, Diesel, Rick Martel, & Adam Bomb
1994 Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid & Davey Boy Smith & Headshrinkers (Fatu & Sionne)
vs.
Shawn Michaels & Diesel & Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett
1995 Shawn Michaels & Ahmed Johnson & Davey Boy Smith & Psycho Sid
vs.
Yokozuna & Owen Hart & Razor Ramon & Dean Douglas
2001 The Rock & Chris Jericho & Undertaker & Kane & Big Show
vs.
Steve Austin & Kurt Angle & Booker T & Rob Van Dam & Shane McMahon
2003 Randy Orton & Chris Jericho & Christian & Scott Steiner & Mark Henry
vs.
Shawn Michaels & Rob Van Dam & Booker T & Bubba & D-Von Dudley
Tonight’s episode of WWE Main Event on the Ion television network marks Week Six of a newly produced, newly formatted program that gives WWE an extra revenue stream and, apparently, a sandbox in which to play.
To the point of the new format, right out of the box, WWE placed an active superstar in, what looked at the time to be, a permanent color commentator position. The announce team of Michael Cole and The Miz had potential, both in calling the action and in growing the stagnant “Miz” character, even preparing Miz for a future in broadcast should he choose to accept it.
My eyes were opened even wider to the new format when only two matches were announced, then recorded, then broadcast on each show: one headline match and one “undercard” bout. And the headline match lasted a good 20 minutes. And, week to week, the headline matches were set up by something that had happened on the previous episode. AAAAND, the wrestlers were still given promo time – not soliloquy time, but just enough time to get themselves and their match over.
So many thoughts went through my head as the weeks went on:
How great is it that WWE hypes one match for a whole week on one of their shows?
How great is it that WWE doesn’t try to cram 10 pounds of shit into a 5-pound bag?
How great is it that WWE is employing the pre- and post-match promos with Matt Striker, often in the ring or at ringside, fight-night style?
Furthermore, WWE appears to have learned from its previous thrust into the one-hour basic-cable limelight – WWE Superstars on WGN, which debuted in April 2009 – and didn’t overhype its new show as “the place to see all of the biggest WWE stars!!!” Three years ago, the opening match featured the Undertaker, WWE’s resident part-time legend. Two years and 51 weeks ago, Superstars became the Fit Finley Fiasco, with your occasional Big Show here and Jericho there.
With WWE Main Event, you’re probably going to get a Randy Orton or a Sheamus or an Alberto del Rio, you’re probably going to get them in a six-man tag team match, they’re probably going to have a really good, made-for-free-TV match, and they may even cut a nice promo.
Then in the undercard, you’re likely to see someone climbing the ranks like Dolph Ziggler or Cody Rhodes get a win over a floundering but memorable Brodus Clay, when it could be worse, like Jey Uso or Epico. And if you do see Jey Uso or Epico, it’s probably in a tag team effort with their respective partners, Jimmy and Primo, in a decent 10-minute match. The point here: WWE is also utilizing its talent base as best it can here. Rather than feeding Zack Ryder to Kane in a meaningless match, you might get Zack Ryder & Santino Marella – Team CoBro – in a fun, well-worked, 10-minute tag match against the super-over Kane & Daniel Bryan. And then everyone wins.
Everything I have typed above comprised the list of things I love about WWE Main Event, not to mention the fact that the name and, to an extent, the format are throwbacks to days of yore, when I would record the WWF’s sporadic network TV show, The Main Event, on VHS. So now, for the thing I hate about Main Event: None of these formatting positives will translate to the A-show, Monday Night Raw, or the B-show, Smackdown. These are the shows where my dreams go to die. I don’t want 20-minute promos by Brad “Show Your Teeth, Boy” Maddox. I want 90-second promos from Sheamus, something I can digest, not cram. I don’t want three hours of scattershot bullshit. I want 60 minutes of well-planned programming that strikes a balance between wrestling and talk, with getting yourself over as the fulcrum. I don’t want main events that were thrown together last hour by a crooked general manager. I want seven days of hype for a match between two men who have a score to settle.
Pro wrestling is not that hard. I am not that hard to entertain. Maybe I’m in the minority by feeling this way, but WWE Main Event nails both of those things far more often than either Raw or Smackdown.
According to Prowrestling.net, former WWF/WWE diva Tammy Sytch, better known to AOL subscribers in 1996 as Sunny, was arrested three times in three days. What is she, from Waterloo or something? (See? Go to hell, Midland, Michigan.) TMZ, who continues to break the most amazing pro wrestling news, says all three arrests are linked to domestic violence. Here’s the Dot Net blurb:
Sytch was originally arrested on Tuesday following an altercation with a man she lives with. She was released the next day and arrested a few hours later on disorderly conduct and strangulation charges involving the same man. She was arrested on Thursday for violating a restraining order for a second time in two days for another incident involving the same man.
Tammy Sytch’s entire life is like the last two minutes of that show “Intervention.” They spend nearly an hour exploring the fucked-up life of some white-trash drug or booze addict, send them off to a tropical rehab resort, show them 60 days later with whiter teeth and smaller bags under their eyes, and send them packing… only to tell us that “12 minutes after arriving home, Candy was arrested for public intoxication and punching a police officer.” Now imagine an “Intervention” marathon. That’s the life of Tammy Sytch. And to think, she was at her post-Candido hottest just two years ago. How the mighty have fallen, probably thanks to a stiff right hand. -Eric
Kevin and Dusty are back with an extensive look at bad announcing, including the Mount Rushmore of Horrible Announcing. Listen and learn who they think are the worst announcers of all time. What current day announcers are bad enough to earn a spot on the list? Hint: One guy who currently does every WWE show, some of which completely by himself, much to the petrification of Dusty. Find out which guy….. annoys Dusty…. because of the ridiculously long…. pauses…. he used to take between words. Find out which guy makes Kevin cherish his childhood memories of watching wrestling so much. Find out which guy wears Hawaiian flowery shirts and gets into internet pissing contests because he has a small penis and a need for attention. And so much more, and it’s only going to cost you about an hour of your time, so you need to listen or you’ll catch something incurable.
This coming Monday’s “Raw 1,000″ will feature the marriage of Daniel Bryan and AJ, and in their honor, we present to you the finest wedding moments in WWE history. Of course, a “fine wrestling wedding” is like being the prettiest waitress at Denny’s, but that hasn’t stopped WWE from booking cringe-inducing wedding angles for years. In fact, let’s skip the first actual ceremony (it’s split into two 11-minute parts on YouTube, and I will not do that to you fine people) and get right into the WWF’s first wedding reception, for Paul “Butcher” Vachon and Ophelia. Welcome to the slowest god damn food fight in history:
WWF learned so much from the atrocity of this segment that they… held the next one, between Uncle Elmer and Joyce on a high-cost episode of NBC’s “Saturday Night’s Main Event.” Good lord, Vince McMahon could have poached a bald eagle on TV back then and it would have drawn a 10-point-0.
Possibly the greatest marriage angle of all time featured Macho Man Randy Savage and his long-time love, Miss Elizabeth. Audiences fell in love with the demure Elizabeth at first sight, but for years, Savage abused her verbally and occasionally took advantage of her presence physically. After a two-year on-screen split, Elizabeth returned to Savage’s side in a moment of need, and there wasn’t a dry seat in the house.
What’s the matter, toots, your shoes too tight?
Mid-1991 brought a change of heart for the “Macho Man,” as he got down on one knee and proposed to the woman we all explored our bodies to:
In honor of Rent-a-Center’s earth-shattering sweepstakes to meet Hulk Hogan and Troy Aikman, we thought we’d compile a list of the top 10 TV commercials starring professional wrestlers that weren’t for a professional wrestling product. These larger-than-life figures explode onto the TV screen with such abandon and fervor, such charisma and passion, that how could you *not* buy a pizza from them?
Let’s stick with the Hulkster, who hawked Right Guard in 1991 with the savoir faire of Robert Goulet and the acting chops of Mr. Belvedere. Starting this list off with anything less would be uncivilized!
Wrestlers seem to end up in commercials for food quite often. What was I saying about pizza and gargling copious amount of pills? Oh yeah, here’s Kurt Angle, following his 1996 Olympic gold medal win, ready to chow down on some Pizza Outlet:
Wow, wrestlers and pizza go together like, um, wrestling fans and bigger pizzas. Pizza Inn cashed in on the popularity of the Von Erichs in Texas in the early 1980s, but really, who in the hell is going to believe that 170-pound Mike Von Erich taught his brothers, ripped-ass Kevin and blown-up Kerry, anything about eating?
Keeping in the realm of food, I don’t have five minutes nor two scoops of Kellogg’s Eat Shit & Die for Mick Foley, but I do remember this Chef Boyardee commercial starring The Rock, pre-Hollywood but well into his puffy Nation of Domination days. Hell of a shirt, Rock; don’t date yourself too much or you might get chaffed:
Honorable mention: And because superstars’ shuckin’ and jivin’ doesn’t stop at the front door of Titan Tower, here’s Booker T and his big fat momma, eatin’ up all tha food:
I swear to sonny Jesus, this commercial with Andre the Giant made me want to try Honey Comb, and thus allowed me to become a fat shit for the first 28 years of my life:
John Cena, the face of WWE and hero to millions of children everywhere, can’t resist that double meat? Tell me he didn’t just say that!
And in the locally sold booze category: If I were you, Chicago Lake Liquors, I’d give Mad Dog Vachon a coffee break:
Of course, this wouldn’t be a discussion about great commercials with wrestlers if we didn’t include spots for Slim Jim! Here’s one with Macho Man Randy Savage and some teenagers, blowing things up Beavis and Butthead style:
And one with Ultimate Warrior and some more explosions (never let it be said that Slim Jim doesn’t understand its market; I still nice “Niiiice, antique!” every time I see a plastic chair):
More drinks: Man, the NWA/WCW got the short end of the advertising stick back in the day; while Hogan, Warrior and Savage were running wild, Rick Steiner was crawling around like a jackass with Roos on his hands:
And if you can’t land Mountain Dew like the WWF, get your first fattest babyface to drink the second-best thing!
Geez, I guess wrestlers and soda go together like wrestling fans and pizza and soda. Now here’s an idea I can get behind: Sting + population control, thanks to Sprite:
And now TNA is making deals with shitty auto insurance companies, because who better to hawk insurance you can finally pay for than wrestlers who only make $300 a week:
And finally, because we all go to our grandpa for weightlifting advice (“Back in my day, we punched a potato sack until our knuckles bled like stuck pigs! We put our polio-crippled brother on a rope and we dragged him 2 miles!”), here’s Ric Flair’s latest venture into advertising, for Fuel in a Bottle:
Oh, wait, we can’t talk about Ric Flair and TV commercials without posting Bruce Mitchell’s two favorite things in the whole world, wooin’ like Ric Flair and scratchin’ them lottery tickets:
Wow, 15 greats plus an honorable mention. Did we miss anything? Post them in a comment below!
This is a very very special edition of Stunt Granny Audio because The Man is back. Dusty and Kevin join up to talk about Psycho Sid’s return and just how it rates in the lexicon of all time great moments in pro wrestling history. They talk about how good it must be to be Heath Slater right now, how pathetic Ric Flair is now, how weird those old Ultimate Warrior vs Andre the Giant matches were, Brock Lesnar’s sudden transformation into David Copperfield, John Cena *finally* getting a well deserved title match, and much much more. The best part is it’s only going to take about 40 minutes of your precious time away from you, so you really have no excuse not to listen immediately, fucko.
Today marks 25 years since the monumental professional wrestling event that was WWF WrestleMania III. The event that would purport to break the world’s indoor attendance record, the event headlined by three-year champion Hulk Hogan vs. former best friend and “undefeated” Andre the Giant, the event that encapsulates the incredible boom period of the 1980s somewhere between the petulant innocence of rock-n-wrestling and the glitz and glamour of global dominance.
With 25 years gone by, let’s take a look at 25 fun facts about this canonical event.
1) Sorry to start on a down note, but known deceased wrestlers, managers and wrestling personalities from that card include Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes, Joey Marella, Hercules, Little Beaver, Little Tokyo, Fabulous Moolah, Junkyard Dog, Dino Bravo, Adrian Adonis, Davey Boy Smith, Randy Savage, Miss Elizabeth and Andre the Giant.
2) Attendance for this show has been disputed for the whole of its 25-year history. Vince McMahon and WWE claim 93,173, which would have broken Pope John Paul’s attendance number at the time. Since then, Wikipedia cites 93,682 in attendance for the Pope’s visit. Dave Meltzer and the Wrestling Observer frequently cite a faxed report from a Silverdome worker stating 78,000. And Hulk Hogan constantly increases the figure to the point where he may have slammed a 900-pound Andre the Giant in front of 17 million screaming Hulkamaniacs.
"Anybody want a peanut? YOU! You, Hogan! You want a peanut!"
3) The announced total combined weight of the two main-event participants – Hulk Hogan at an announced 302 pounds and Andre the Giant at 525 pounds – is the most of any singles WrestleMania main event.
4) WrestleMania III marks what some consider the furthest WrestleMania-to-WrestleMania dive down the card for one wrestler: King Kong Bundy, who headlined WM2 against Hulk Hogan in a steel cage for the WWF Title and then teamed with two midgets to wrestle Hillbilly Jim and two more midgets in the third match of 12. The match’s saving grace: Bob Uecker, who likened Little Beaver after a 450-pound Bundy elbow drop to “marinated mushrooms.”
5) The double countout ending to the Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules “full nelson challenge” would be the second of its kind in WrestleMania history – the first being Paul Orndorff vs. Magnificent Muraco at WM2 – and would not be the last – Brutus Beefcake vs. Ted DiBiase and Hacksaw Duggan vs. Bad News Brown at WM5, Roddy Piper vs. Bad News Brown at WM6, Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith vs. Vader & Mankind at WM13, and the first finish of Miz vs. John Cena at WM27.
6) The epic Ricky Steamboat vs. Randy Savage match was, at that point, the longest match in WrestleMania history at 14:35, topping Hogan & Mr. T vs. Piper & Orndorff (13:13), David Sammartino vs. Brutus Beefcake (an excruciating 12:43), Piper vs. Mr. T (a laborious 13:14) and the British Bulldogs vs. the Dream Team (13:03).
"Alice who-per?"
7) Accompanying Jake “The Snake” Roberts to the ring for his match against the Honky Tonk Man was shock-rock icon Alice Cooper. (No More) Mr. Nice Guy would be the fourth recording artist to accompany a wrestler at WrestleMania, the others being Cyndi Lauper (in the corner of Wendi Richter at WrestleMania 1), Ozzy Osbourne (seconding the British Bulldogs at WrestleMania 2) and of course Jimmy Hart (who performed with the Gentrys and managed many WWF superstars of the day).
)
