One Slap, SALAD!

Ok, so this has nothing to do with wrestling and Eric will inevitably take this down and scold me but this has to be seen by as many people as possible. This is the greatest invention I have ever seen and really, why wouldn’t I trust this guy and buy at least forty-five of these? Vince ShamWow or whatever his last name is a tremendous pitchman and would make a fine addition to TNA or at the very least ROH as a manager. No one can like this guy so he would make a wonderful heel manager for the likes of, well, anyone in ROH. He would be especially useful as a manger for Abyss in TNA. Imagine Abyss gets tossed through a stained glass window in the next Hallowed ground barbwire exploding pulpit match. As he slumps in a pool of his own sweat and blood, Vince comes over with the ShamWow and magically he stops bleeding. He then hands Abyss a Slap Chop and Abyss dices up his opponents forehead enabling him to hit the blackhole slam for the victory. Consider it a modern day cheese grater to the forehead and also a reason to watch an actual Abyss match. -Jeremy

4 Responses to “One Slap, SALAD!”

  1. Fanatic 2009-01-05 at 9:49 pm #

    “YOu’re gonna love my nuts”

    “This is making you cry, this is making me cry. Life’s hard enough as it is, you don’t wanna cry anymore.”

  2. stuntgranny 2009-01-06 at 1:33 am #

    I would definitely not take this down. I thought this guy was awesome doing the ShamWOW (“You know what great products the Germans make!”) and the aforementioned line about his nuts had me rolling the first time I saw this commercial. Billy Mays can go fuck himself, this guy is the best.

  3. B-Esser 2009-01-06 at 7:51 pm #

    Myself and a few other friends have been obsessed over this guy and his ever so smooth commercials. Never thought of him as a wrestling personality, but seeing him next to some giant stiff like Abyss, Vladimir, or Khali, talking a mile a minute around them and explaining how devastating they’ll be, how powerful they are, how they’ll change your eating habits, etc, would be fan-fucking-tastic.

    A little background too: the man is no stranger to odd-hours commercial products, as he’s also the mastermind of “The Underground Comedy Movie.” Couldn’t believe it myself. He’s also sued a couple people because of it, including Anna Nicole Smith, with the belief that they hurt the movie’s chances from being anything more than the piece of shit it was.

    Also, his last name is Offer. Vince “What an Incredible” Offer (made the nickname up)!

  4. Super_Jerk 2009-01-10 at 10:16 pm #

    Slap Chop is fucking amazing. Look at that thing. It’s beautiful.

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