Cena confirmed as stooge, Karen Angle is now a Jarrett, Bischoff still hates the Internet

eric bischoff

"Jump on the bandwagon!"

CENA THE MEANIE: According to Prowrestling.net, a WWE wrestler who heard about Vince McMahon’s interview with the Boston Herald where McMahon praised John Cena for “stepping on people” to get ahead confirmed with Jason Powell that Cena is, in fact, an asshole and a stooge. (But not a slave to fashion; have you seen those jorts?? Pee yew!)

“The only difference is that Cena did his ‘stepping over guys’ in the locker room more than in the ring,” recalled the wrestler. He offered his opinion that Vince is looking for a “backstabbing asshole/stooge” to serve as his top guy. “It has zero to do with in-ring talent,” said the wrestler. “Cena stepped on guys like the Spirit Squad and others who were only there for less than six months.”

Pfft, who better to step on than people who have no tenure! That’s called easy pickings, my friend. “Hey, I hear Aloisia fucked Bob Holly in the shower. Oh, he doesn’t work here anymore? Ummm, yeeeah, I meant Chris Jericho. Yeah, that’s the ticket!” Oh, and I guess this means it was John Cena’s idea to lock the Spirit Squad in a box marked “Return to OVW: Louisville, Ky.” He might have ratted on them about something (read: probably nothing), but he didn’t make them look like a bunch of Brooklyn Brawlers on a weekly basis. NOW who’s playing politics?

GARBAGE DAY IN HENDERSONVILLE: Also according to Prowrestling.net, Karen Angle and Jeff Jarrett were married in August. I’d comment on this, but Google Analytics has informed me that Stunt Granny has already met its alloted white trash quota for 2010.

ERIC BERIC BOO-BOO FACE CRYING AGAIN: Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Eric Bischoff talked to Monday Night Mayhem about how critics on the Internet are “stupid,” “negative” and “miserable” with nothing “intelligent to say.” Looks like he’s never read Stuntgranny.com!

“Let me put it to you this way: Misery loves company. It’s easier for people who are negative, who want to criticize without really having anything intelligent to say and without it being constructive criticism. It’s one of the reasons why I constantly am trying to raise the bar, eliminating one stupid fan at a time. When I see the kind of comments like ‘TNA Sucks’ or ‘Your storylines blow,’ or ‘Fire Russo, or ‘Fire Bischoff,’ or ‘Hogan sucks,’ I laugh at that stuff because there are a lot of people out there and because misery loves company.

“Let’s face it, WWE is a giant bandwagon. It’s been around a long time. It’s easier and safer when you’re the type of person who is looking for a group of miserable people to jump on the bandwagon that’s successful, because the WWE is a cable television juggernaut. It is what it is. So it’s easy to jump on that bandwagon and look down at TNA for its warts, blemishes, bumps, bruises, and dents because there’s plenty of them. TNA is not WWE. It’s not a billion dollar company with the kind of infrastructure and production staff taking their show live on the road every week.

“There’s so many things that we don’t have that it’s easy to point out our flaws. I think if you look at what TNA does, and does well, and tries to do, we are ‘the little engine that’s trying.’ There’s some great talent in the ring, I think we have the greatest balance of new, young and exciting talent, established talent that rates well despite what everyone else wants to believe on the Internet. If you’re objective and you’re a real wrestling fan, you’re gonna have comments, and while you may not like certain things that are happening in TNA, you’ll find plenty of things to like.”

So let me summarize: Pretty much the only people who watch TNA are also vocal on the Internet. Most of them hate TNA and its management (for what that “company” has done to the wrestling industry, which is taken it below “dumbed down” to “medically retarded”) but shouldn’t speak out because they have nothing constructive to say. And Bischoff is happy to weed out those viewers, although you’d think his means of “raising the bar” (without explaining how he’s actually raising the bar) would both retain the current audience and gather new viewers. (At best, TNA’s audience is one-in, one-out, but who cares, the stupid and miserable fans are leaving! And if they continue churning out TV for part-time masochists, that 1.1 is gonna be a 1.1 any day now!) -Eric

2 Responses to “Cena confirmed as stooge, Karen Angle is now a Jarrett, Bischoff still hates the Internet”

  1. Newbobdole 2010-09-02 at 1:05 pm #

    hhhow could you do it cena?

  2. stuntgranny 2010-09-02 at 4:49 pm #

    hhhe’s a jerk is how!

Leave a Reply