Shane Helms may have been drunk when he crashed his motorcycle

I mean, he drinks and hangs out with weirdos, sooo...

On the latest Stunt Granny Big 11, Dusty was kind enough not to skewer Shane Helms too much given his recent motorcycle accident. I mean, poking fun at Shane Helms is like making fun of a retarded boy. No, there is no analogy here, it’s literally making fun of a retarded boy. Have you heard this guy talk? Have you seen the company he keeps? Putting a mongoloid on a two-wheeled motorized machine is like giving a gun to a chimp, except when someone gets shot, you get to blame the chimp. If anyone was cruisin’ for this kind of bruisin’, it was free-wheelin’, backwoods livin’, Shawn Michaels-hatin’ Shane Helms. But oh, how the plot does thicken: Now, according to Prowrestling.net, Helms’s accident is being investigated as a DUI. So Helms, who could probably get a contact high off his buddy Jeff Hardy (or a contact cavity from Matt), according to a witness allegedly chose to drink, get drunk, ride his motorcycle with his girlfriend on the back, fly through a stop sign and crash into a chain-link fence. (Do we need a “Stand back, there’s a Hurricane coming through” joke here?”) Dusty said over IM that, in response to whorry Velvet Sky soliciting donations for Helms’ recovery, Shawn Michaels ought to write a check to him for one dollar and include a note that says, “You obviously need this much more than I do. Love, Shawn.”

OK, he might need more than a dollar... (Credit TMZ.com)

And on a side note, what is it with this motley crew’s luck with ladies and accidents? Shane Helms gets drunk and nearly kills himself and his girlfriend on a motorcycle ride. Jeff Hardy stashes drugs in his home with his girlfriend, and his house burns down. Matt Hardy dates Lita and, when she sees his penchant for chocolate and sewing, dumps his womanly ass for a real man. It’s a good thing no one would touch that scumbag Shannon Moore with a 10-foot pole or we could have another dual-gender tragedy on our hands. -Eric

"Hey, watch it!"

3 Responses to “Shane Helms may have been drunk when he crashed his motorcycle”

  1. Avatar
    Fanatic May 9, 2011 at 9:42 pm #

    Helms & The Hardy’s better buy stock in kharma, it’s working overtime on them.

    • stuntgranny
      stuntgranny May 10, 2011 at 10:26 am #

      I was going to make a similar joke, but then I thought of Ultimate Warrior saying Bobby Heenan’s cancer was “karma.” Yeah, because he talked shit about a guy lots of people hated or at least thought was weird, the gods of Destrucity struck him with cancer. You fucking flake. (As if he reads this.) But yes, talk shit, get hit. Good one, Sugar Shane. -E

  2. Avatar
    dwl4825 May 30, 2011 at 7:41 pm #

    warrior(funny name for a guy who never served in combat)is a heartless cold blooded cocksucker.bottom line.bobby heenan is fighting for his life and the ultimate fucktard belittles him.pray you never get cancer warrior, you are not man enough to handle it.

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