"Mmmmm, thish spi... spinach dip ish good, you guysh."

Oh, the jokes just write themselves, don’t they? As usual, riding the coattails of Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer has announced that he, too, will finish up his run with TNA iMPACT Wrestling, with this weekend’s shows in Marion, Ill., and Memphis, Tenn. being his final appearances, according to Prowrestling.net. With Foley and Dreamer both departing TNA, Matt Hardy has to be absolutely salivating thinking about the glut of leftover hoagies in catering. Seriously, Matt Hardy is a slovenly piece of shit. Don’t you people get it yet? How many Hostess Snack Cake jokes do I need to make before you understand?!

This news does beg a true concern: What will TNA do with all of the company logo T-shirts they ordered special for Tommy? Maybe Don West will put them in a grab bag: “For just TWENTY DOLLARS, you could get FOUR TNA DVDs and a T-shirt TOMMY DREAMER… PROBABLY WOULD HAVE WORN!” Where do I sign?? Also, further condolences to Tommy’s wife Beulah, who now has to see Tommy at home every day. Beulah can seek consoling by heading west on I-80, taking the MLK Pkwy exit, turning left at the second light… -Eric