"MMM, DRUGS!"

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA star Jeff Hardy pleaded guilty to three felony drug charges in Moore County, N.C. today.

Hardy pleaded guilty to two counts of intent to distribute a controlled substance, and one count of conspiracy to traffic in a compound containing opium.

Seriously, people still do opium? What is this, a basement in the ’50s? Anyway, it’s obvious that members of Hardy’s “inner circle” love drugs, so it’s not hard to imagine that he was going to distribute them in some way. According to one North Carolina indy wrestler, that way is by throwing huge parties and offering everyone with two nostrils a little bump. (According to me, that way is putting pot in his brother’s gigantic stack of brownies.)

The consequences here are 10 days in jail, a $100,000 fine, and 30 months of probation. Ten days in jail is easy when the wrestling company you work for tapes two weeks’ worth of TV in two days; the $100,000 will be easy to come by since Matt has made two lifetimes’ worth of money (just ask him, he’ll tell you); but the 30 months of probation will probably turn Jeff into a ticking time bomb. If this backwoods shit head could go 30 *minutes* without licking a toad, I’d eat my hat. -Eric