Yeah, I'm super late.

It’s Super Bowl Sunday and I finally have some free time to watch wrestling. I’m not going to be consistent with this project because my dogs will almost surely wake up before I get done reviewing ROH. This time is normally reserved to review Pro Wrestling Ohio but they had a rerun last week so check out my review from earlier this week. I’m not going to go into the detail I do with their reviews for ROH even though I know a limited number of people can actually view this program. By the way, be sure to put the head phones on and listen to Dusty & Matt about iMPACT Wrestling. I’m bumping their post so scroll down.

Prince Nana is garbage. Evidently he’s a corporation so they brought in a lawyer character. He dresses like a complete dope but it’s kind of funny. He likes the 80’s look a bit too much. Tommaso Ciampa of the Embassy takes on TJ Perkins. TJ gets control early. Nana grabs Perkins leg so that Ciampa can take over. Both of these guys are undefeated in some capacity which waters down the concept. I’d love to know why Ciampa does the shark fin celebration. Perkins misses grabbing Ciampa’s leg so they need to redo the spot for a Dragon Whip Leg take down. Perkins goes for a lax cover after a sky high. Ciampa wins with a power bomb turned Back Stabber. Slick looking move.

Some guy with a huge beard tells about his long history of problems since he was born. Looks like he dresses like a lumber jack in the ring. His name is Grizzly Redwood. Fucking seriously? How dumb. Devon Storm is his opponent. Truth Martini, Mike Elgin & Roderick Strong interrupt the debut. Truth pays off Storm so that Michael Elgin can take on Grizzly. Kevin Kelly acts indignant to Martini when he joins the booth. Kelly rooting for “Grizz” is too much. He could be worse than Mike Tenay. That pains me to type.  Kelly just said “keep chopping wood Grizz.” Why am I doing this review again? Elgin wins with a spinning sit down powerbomb. Weird to have a debuting character squashed.

They review Kevin Steen vs Steve Corino. I love that wrestling a fat guy who’s been out of wrestling can earn your job back. Steen cuts a promo about the ROH show missing unpredictability but the show will have it now. Steen is going to take the ROH Title so that he can call the shots. You don’t own the company you nitwit. Jim Cornette says that he doesn’t want wrestlers injured. He threatens Steen with a statement next week.

They review the problems between Eddie Edwards and Kyle O’Reilly. I’ve been watching this show for a month or so now. I’m not sure how Cornette is a brilliant booker. These promos are terrible. No one seems committed. Mike Bennett will take on Jay Lethal next week. Oh, I forgot Maria was on ROH. She helped turn an OK promo to being bad. Her fawning over Bennett was unconvincing at best. Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas aren’t getting their title rematch. They are fighting some champs. Let it be noted that O’Reilly, Edwards, Davey Richards, Mike Bennett & The World’s Greatest Tag Team all had promos in the matter of five minutes. Cornette is brilliant, right? Why is he following the TNA playbook then?

Remember her?

Cedric Alexander & Caprice Coleman are taking on Kyle O’Reilly & Davey Richards in the main event. I’m not sure why this match is getting thirteen minutes of TV time. Alexander & Coleman haven’t been on TV or even mentioned before this program. That says to me that they’re squash material especially against the champ & his training partner who is in a girly slap fight with Edwards. After a commercial break, Coleman drop kicks O’Reilly while he has Richards in an accidental headlock and DDTs his partner going down after the drop kick. Worst spot ever. Let go of your partner’s head immediately. Coleman & Alexander almost win with a pair of near falls. Richards kicks one of them. O’Reilly super kicks the other one. Fight February is starting out in “stighyle” according to Kelly. Yuck. Alexander taps after O’Reilly has a Dragon Sleeper on him and Richards double stomps his back. Richards has yet to impress me. Time for a dog walk. Be back later for wrestle-fest. -Kevin

Impact Wrestling Review

Kate Garraway from the UK Mirror

Alrighty, this part took longer than I expected to get underway. The dogs usually fall back asleep for another longer nap after walk number three. No such luck. Let’s roll.

Just to start, the arena looks so much better than Orlando. The crowd is better too. We’re never going to see Jeff Hardy again according to Bully Ray. Like anyone is buying that line. Bobby Roode intentionally called England Ireland. The crowd reacted appropriately and didn’t buy that dumb trick. They do boo patting oneself on the back though. James Storm gets called out and he answers. Sting gives us Storm a match against Bully Ray & Bobby Roode separately. Seems like a dumb request to me. Mike Tenay tells us that Hulk Hogan is returning to iMPACT Wrestling. What a dumby. Not that we didn’t know it. I also suppose that’s what Dusty’s headline meant in his TNA Audio.

Crimson & Matt Morgan take on Samoa Joe & Magnus. What weird stipulation do they have that Joe & Magnus can be in there at the same time? I’m mowing thru the program so I’m not watching ring entrances. I did stop long enough to hear Tenay say that Joe & Magnus were specializing in post match attacks. That’s a bad specialty since more times than not when that occurs, you lost the match.  Or weren’t involved in it. Evidently the weirdness has to do with a Buckingham Brawl rules. So they need to go two on one to win a match and that makes them a threat for the titles? Did we forget that both Morgan & Crimson beat them each separately the last two weeks?

Eric Bischoff comes out and runs down his son. He tells Garrett that his idea is a fantasy which isn’t attainable instead of a dream which is achievable. Eric doesn’t think his trainer will back him up. The crowd is chanting Hogan so Tenay isn’t a complete yutz. So Garrett threatens a meeting later tonight. Why did that segment happen? It’s already been teased. Tenay again mentions Hogan returning.

I blew thru Mark Haskins “I’m wrestling at home” segment so that I could see him wrestle Austin Aries. The crowd is cheering for Aries. Hilarious. What an incredibly terrible string of events. The dogs got woken up by Mormons (Go fuck yourself Mitt.) then Pats fan Sean talked me into going to a Super Bowl Party. Normally, I’d troot for the AFC but it’s the Pats. I strongly dislike them. Noth quite the same as hating the Ravens. It’s now 1:02 AM. I’m going to finish iMPACT. Fuck Smackdown. I can sleep 5 hours and get away with it. Not 4.

Bobby Roode takes on James Storm in the mid-main event. Storm is a retard. Nothing happened before the break. I really don’t care at this point. I’m glad Dusty & Matt reviewed this in some state of sobriety. Taz said frustration. Congrats on being a real broadcaster and correcting your horrendous English. Roode has taken over. Solid match so far. The crowd is eating up Storm. The director cuts to a shot of Bully Ray coming to ring sing. What a fucking dolt. You had time to correct your mistakes. Use another camera shot. Fucking hell. How dumb are you? Incredibly evidently. At least I correct mistakes when I make them. I don’t send a set of drawings out knowing there is a mistake on them. (For those of you who might be reading any of our garbage for the first time. I’m a registered architect. I would NEVER send out drawings knowing they’re wrong. That’s what the director did with that shot.)

Tara takes on Gail Kim in a non-title match. Gail is supposed to look impressive with two belts but it’s a complete joke. OK, I didn’t address this on the audio but I have a bit of a beef with my colleagues Dusty & Eric that the Knockouts are “much” (being the keyword) better than the Divas. They are better but I wouldn’t use the word much. The storylines especially the car washing are worse than the WWE. The wrestling is much better. To me that evens out to Knockouts > Divas. Not “much”. Maybe I’m picking knits. Tara won since it’s non-title.

Just as Garrett Bischoff is about to announce his trainer, Eric & Gunner interrupt. So it’s official. Mike Tenay was in fact dumb enough to say Hulk Hogan‘s name twice on the broadcast before his reveal. What a terrible announcer. The crowd went nuts so good on them. The crowd knew it was coming though so how obvious was this angle? Smack you in the face obvious.

Hogan says they’re just “this close” to breaking through. What a fucking joke. Your director wouldn’t be terrible and neither would your play by play man. I hate Mitchell Cool enough to not call him by his real name. Tenay is somehow worse than that. Congrats TNA, you’re ready to take off.

Bully Ray takes on James Storm in the main event. I didn’t tape the overrun. The crowd chants “We want DEvon”. The crowd is finally wrong tonight. Bully Ray is smart enough to rip off the protective wrap as we go to commercial. Sting does get me to giggle by carrying a cricket bat. Yep. the show cuts before the match is over. Nap time. -Kevin