Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw



My DVR still isn’t recording Raw but I doubt I missed much considering that Stephanie was listening to crickets as she mocked Daniel Bryan about his injuries. HHH sells the pain of the Elimination Chamber. Sheamus interrupts them. He brought an end to the Yes! Movement. Ryback is second up which is confusing since he lost last night. He defends DB.

Ryback and Sheamus have a match because of the segment. I was expecting a parade of Chamber participants. Announcing Brain Cramp of the Week: Michael Cole blames Stephanie for “rigging” this match because Ryback was injured. JBL blames it on the insult. Um, you do both remember that Ryback suggested this match and in the segment, right? Right? The referee pushes back Ryback because Sheamus is faking an eye injury. Brogue Kick for the win.

Dean Ambrose makes the Seth Rollins celebration an enjoyable segment. Kane ends up giving him a match with Bray Wyatt like we haven’t seen that before.

Neville gets an interview in the middle of the ring with Renee Young. Neville has the thickest accent I may have ever heard. Bo Dallas comes out to run down Neville. The later points out he beat Dallas for the NXT Title. I like this feud for everyone involved. King Barrett comes out for the match. Dallas goes to the head set. Barrett nails the Bull Hammer for a fairly easy win. The announcers sold the knee injury. Dallas attacks the knee after the match.

Rusev runs down Lana and says she won’t be there tonight. Which of course means that she came down to the ring. She said he was saying “I quit” in Bulgarian. I’m not sure where this angle is headed exactly. How long can Lana stay this hot? That’s the biggest question.

Bray Wyatt vs Dean Ambrose is making my brain cramp slightly with the announcer acknowledging but not really the Ambrose vs Wyatt feud from a couple of months ago. I love Wyatt countering the sling shot clothesline with one of his own. Ambrose gets it the second time though. Joey Mercury distracts the ref while Jamie Noble shoves Ambrose off the top ropes into Sister Abigail for the Wyatt win. Both of these guys are in the Chamber, right?

Cesaro & Tyson Kidd come to the ring with Natalya. New Day pleads the case for Xavier Woods who is banned from ring side. I do enjoy the fact that Cesaro & Kidd have changed to the colors of Fiorentina for their outfit. A somewhat uniform look is always needed. New Day gets DQed by attacking Kidd. Woods makes the save for New Day. The rest of the tag teams join that will be in that Chamber match: Lucha Dragons, Los Matadores, The Ascension and the Prime Time Players.

John Cena comes out to make the US Open Challenge. Kevin Owens was the one to answer the call. I first thought “Oh crap, another NXT guy, they can’t keep doing this.” By the end of the segment, I loved it. It was a verbal, more than physical confrontation with Owens more than holding his own. I’ve been suspect of Owens because what little of him I did see in ROH, he looked uninspired. I thought he got a gimme of a story with Sami Zayn with their history. He delivered in his first big spot.

Dolph Ziggler dispatched of Stardust quickly. Ziggler is bummed about losing to Sheamus more than he’s mad about the scar. Lana marches down to the ring. She ends up kissing Dolph. Rusev comes marching down to the ring. Dolph gets the jump on him but Rusev puts him down quickly. He starts yelling at Lana. She slaps Rusev. Ziggler recovers and hits the Zig Zag. He walks away with Lana.

Luke Harper & Rowan are officially a tag team again. They are taking on Fandango & Zack Ryder who probably would be better off as a team. Ryder gets a very short lived hot tag. Super kick into a urinogi is the pinning combination.

Brain Explosion of the Night: Stephanie McMahon making fun of Brie Bella for being mentally fragile. My brain exploded not because of the angle but from the continued idea that we should feel bad for the Bellas. You haven’t built them up to be sympathetic. One catty encounter with Steph didn’t change that, in any way.

Nikki Bella has to defend her Divas Title against Naomi who has Tamina at her side. Naomi has to continue the charade that we should feel bad for the Bellas without just cause other than Naomi getting a bad attitude. Tamina ends up interfering to cause the DQ. Paige ends up making the save for Nikki. She ends up attacking Nikki. Good for Paige.

Seth Rollins gets the big party at the end of Raw. Everybody takes their turn blowing smoke up his ass. I just keep waiting for whoever is going to show up. Dean Ambrose is the choice. They pretend like all of the Authority isn’t going to attack. J&J Are the only ones to attack. Ambrose dispatches of them quickly. Ambrose gets Rollins head on cinder blocks and snags a chair. Stephanie caves to his demands unlike the Brock Lesnar freak out which we should forget about. Ambrose ends up being attacked again. He loses this time. – Kevin

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