Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 21 Dec. 2015

The Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, MN designed by Jean Nouvel. The most excellent picture is from

The Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, MN designed by Jean Nouvel. The most excellent picture is from

Stephanie McMahon greets us yet again to start the show. She tries to play off last week while also saying it was bad what Roman Reigns did. Reigns comes out through the crowd. He is being such a smug bastard that it makes him awesome. Reminds me of how Ryback used to be. Steph keeps screeching for him to get out. He turns his back on her and exits the ring. She makes matches with the Usos against New Day 2 on 3 and Dean Ambrose vs Sheamus. Why would Reigns sweat that?

Dolph Ziggler comes out dressed up well to present the Break Out Star of the Year. All of the choices have some valid points. If they’re actually taking people’s votes, Neville wins in a land slide. After the break, he does indeed win it. He gets very little time before Kevin Owens interrupts. He’s mad because he beat John Cena in his first match. Ziggler laughs at him. Owens said that Ziggler could win “Has Been of the Year.” Ziggler attacks.

Strangely, the Bray Wyatt vs Kane match starts while the fight above is being broken up. The match ends in a DQ when the Wyatts attack Kane. The Dudley Boyz & Tommy Dreamer make the save. The eight man match starts after the break. After a chaotic spot, Luke Harper discus clothes lines Devon for the win. That was two terrible short matches.

LOL Moment of the Year presented by Santino Marella. I have no idea what the front runner for this one is. R Truth ends up winning it. Marella says he’s going to accept the trophy for him. R Truth comes out and is fooled by the “Look There” gimmick.

Mick Foley does the Santa gimmick. His creepy obsession with Christmas makes me not enjoy those segments. He admits to giving Xavier Woods a trombone last year, which is kind of funny.

Paul Heyman is out to present, well Brock Lesnar, then the “OMG Shoicking Moment of the Year.” Kalisto wins with the Celina Del Sol. He appreciates all the support and wants to do better because of it.

Kevin Owens is set to take on Dolph Ziggler. They go at each other quickly. Owens gets the upper hand first. Ziggler gets tossed into the barricade. Owens continues to take it to Ziggler in the ring. It strikes me as funny that Owens it the only man who worries about money in wrestling. Ziggler fights back for a moment. Owens knocks him down with a clothes line. Owens barks at Ziggler. Dolph catches him with a DDT. Fisherman’s Suplex off the middle rope by Owens on Ziggler. He jumps over a Pop Up Power Bomb attempt and super kicks Owens out of the ring. Ziggler tries to bring him back in but gets face planted on the announcer’s desk. Fameasser off the middle ropes but only gets two. Ziggler charges in, PUPB for the win. It is becoming close to RKO levels.

Stephanie gets to present “Superstar of the Year.” The winner is Seth Rollins. He comes out on crutches. The announcers paint him as something of a baby face. He wants to thank us but says there was no other choice than him. Similar points as the announcers but he sound much more heelish.

Jack Swagger takes on Alberto Del Rio, again for some reason. The League of Nations has to be at ring side so that Swagger can seem like a threat. Swagger still has the crowd behind him despite barely being on TV recently. Alberto Del Rio uses his stupid finisher. Let go off the damn ropes. For the love of Mexico. Swagger gets Brogue Kicked. Are they actually going to make Del Rio the feature act?

The Hero in All of Us” Slammy is brought to you by Mark Henry. John Cena gets the award. Cena’s charity goes “unnoticed.” Except on your flagship TV show. And wasn’t one of his segments on Good Morning America? That’s the most watched morning show, Right? I got no clue but feel like I’ve heard that.

Surprise Return of the Year presented by Bo “Santa Claus” Dallas. Sting ends up getting the award. He is also not there. Plenty of no shows.

New Day complains and entertains before the Usos come out. I think the back week or two from New Day has ended tonight. Kofi Kingston starts and gets beat up. Xavier Woods is getting beat up too. New Day finally takes over and does the Stampede. Eric Nelson’s favorite move must always be documented. Thanks for bringing it back on the regular, Big E. He does get some serious air for his splash. Whisper in the Wind by Jimmy creates an opening. There was not much peril to that hot tag. Jey cleans up all three members. Big E pulls down Jimmy on a double dive attempt. Jey super kicks Big E off the apron. Woods tries to take advantage. Jey turns the tables though and gets the pin.

R Truth got his trophy back. He also presents Diva of the Year. Paige wins the award. She tries to go heel but R Truth interrupts. Of course he blew it like Steve Harvey. We were just waiting for that to happen. Nikki Bella actually won. She wants to dedicate this trophy to all the ladies involved in the WWE, staff and fans alike.

Rusev is taking on Neville. The Miz is on the head sets. He doesn’t understand why Neville is refusing his service. I want to hurt anyone that helped make Santa’s Little Helper trend on Twitter. Rusev tosses him around ring side. Rusev misses a charge and falls outside. Neville hits a top rope moonsault. For some reason, Neville jumps off the top rope right into a super kick by Rusev. The Accolade for the tap out win. Brogue Kick on Neville.

The Miz gets to present the This Is Awesome Moment of the Year. The Rock & Ronda Rousey vs the McMahons wins. More winners not at Raw.

Becky Lynch continues to win the wardrobe contest in the Divas division. She is taking on Brie Bella. Charlotte is the only one at ring side. Alicia Fox is in Afghanistan. Brie gives Becky the Daniel Bryan kicks. Brie connects with a running knee to the face. Team Bad is in the back and wearing black. Byron Saxton has to say “UUUUU-nitY!” Lynch gets on a roll. Brie tries to take over. Lynch ends up applying the Disarmer for the tap out win.

Ric Flair presents Match of the Year. Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar wins. Brock’s music hits but only Paul Heyman comes out. I didn’t vote but it wouldn’t be my choice. No one in the back wants to stand up to Lesnar.

The League of Nations attacks the Usos in the back. The beatings end with a Brogue Kick again.

Sheamus is in the ring first. Dean Ambrose comes to the ring cautiously. He gets caught looking at the League of Nations and gets Brogue Kicked. The League beats him up before tossing him into Sheamus. He works over Ambrose. The crowd chants “This is boring.” Which makes no sense. Ambrose fires back with a sling shot clothes line. White Noise from the top rope only gets a two count. Ambrose crotches Sheamus. Ambrose gets cornered at the top of the cage. Ambrose gives him the flying elbow from the cage. Ambrose gets his head slammed in the door by Del Rio. Roman Reigns attacks and runs of the League. Amborse connects with Dirty Deeds. Hw tries to climb out of the ring for no apparent reason. They fight on top of the cage. Ambrose ends up falling off and winning the match. Sheamus gets speared. Bad night for the League. – Kevin

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply