Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 11 April ’16

The Walt Disney Concert Hall designed by Frank Gehry. Saved from musiccenter.org

The Walt Disney Concert Hall designed by Frank Gehry. Saved from musiccenter.org

The WWE starts us off with Shane McMahon. He notes that he got one over on Vince and thanks the fans. He gives us a bunch of fresh matches because they decided to bring new people onto the roster. The highlight is Sami Zayn getting a match up against AJ Styles to join the WWE Championship match at the next PPV. Kevin Owens comes down to complain about being screwed over. Owens even complains about his Intercontinental Title. Shane gives him a match against Cesaro. The match happens right now. Except for the commercial break.

The bell rings right as we come back. The Miz is dressing like a normal snob now. Thank goodness. Owens has so many good little touches like apologizing to JBL for knocking his hat on the floor. Owens gets control after attacking Cesaro’s shoulder that is taped. Cesaro does look less cut than before. Titus O’Neil commercial since his suspension is up. Cesaro doesn’t get to swing Owens but does double stomp Owens. Owens rolls through a cross body into a cross face. Cesaro ends up turning it into a Sharpshooter. Owens nails a frog splash. Cesaro kicks out. Cesaro finally does the Swing but has to let go early. Owens attempts a Pop Up Power Bomb but Cesaro gives him a head scissors. Cesaro ends up reversing some moves into a Neutralizer for the win. I hope Owens moves on to bigger things.

Charlotte complains about having to defend the WWE Women’s Title. Ric Flair is mad at everyone for her predicament too. Dr. Phil greets them. Dr. Phil tells Charlotte that Ric is holding her back at this point. Phil going full Woo on them.

Shane McMahon is told Kevin Owens he isn’t going to screw over Sami Zayn again so he needs to hit the lockers and leave. So Owens is going to screw him over still, right?

New Day comes out and brags that everyone wants a shot at them. There is a new tournament for a shot at the WWE Tag Team Championships. The Lucha Dragons are out for the first match.

The Dudley Boyz came out and started the match during the break. Sin Cara takes a beating after Kalisto was eliminated before the bell. Sin Cara put up a fight but lost to the 3D. Enzo & Cass come out. Enzo gives the usual introduction. Not too surprisingly, Enzo & Cass get the better of the verbal battle. Not a surprise either that these teams “might” meet in the second round.

Kevin Owens is being escorted out in his Tapout gear. Roman Reigns hits the ring. He repeats his talking point about being “Thee Guy.” I like the direction he’s taking but then again I haven’t hated him yet. Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio & Rusev come out and want to challenge Reigns. They bicker back and forth. The League of Nations comes to attack Reigns. The Wyatts show up to save Reigns. Shane McMahon comes out and gives us 2/3 of the LON against Bray Wyatt & Roman Reigns tonight.

I didn’t watch the Colons sniffing flowers. Dr. Phil comes to the ring. Natalya hits the ring first. I do dig the updated robe that Charlotte started wearing at Wrestlemania. The announcers finally mention that Wrestlemania was Brie Bella‘s last match in the WWE. Natalya is taking it to Charlotte early in the match. Charlotte finally gets control after taking a breather on the outside. Charlotte locks on a regular figure four. Natalya fights out. Charlotte puts on the Sharpshooter. Natalya fights out again. Natalya gives Charlotte a German Suplex. Discus Clothes Line gets Nattie a two count. Charlotte turns it around with a big boot. Charlotte gets in an exploder suplex. Natalya moves away from a moonsault. Nattie locks in the Sharpshooter. Ric Flair pulls the referee out of the ring to get the DQ as Charlotte taps. Dr. Phil is mad about Charlotte cheating. But she didn’t really cheat, unless she controls her father.

Sami Zayn gets asked about possibly being in the WWE Championship. Zayn talks about his heart and being an underdog. AJ Styles talks about fighting the same fight that Zayn did in the independents. Styles wants to keep his spot.

The Usos are out for the next Tag Tourney match. Curtis Axel & Heath Slater are their opponents. Jey Uso’s shoulder is hurt for the first time in a year so Axel & Slater work it over. I’m getting uncomfortable with the amount of offense they’re getting in at this point. They do a victory lap. Jimmy Uso gets tagged in. Jimmy rolls up Slater for the ring. Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows attack the Usos after the match. I agree with Byron Saxton, why attack now? Shouldn’t you be pissed at New Day for not including you in the tournament?

Maryse freaks out on the guy waiting on  The Miz. Jojo tries to get a question. Maryse berates her too. The Miz isn’t sweating Zack Ryder or Cesaro. He’s going to roll out the red carpet of uppercuts. I could do without Cesaro having the ear piece in.

AJ Styles takes on Sami Zayn. The match is a good back and forth affair early in the match. It picks up with a charging knee by Styles. Zayn answers with an over the top rope senton. Styles is in control after the break. Zayn reserved a move into a small package. Zayn fights of Styles. He connects with a cross body. Zayn gives Styles a tornado DDT. Pele Kick by Styles leads to a double recovery phase. Zayn ducks a Flying Forearm. Blue Thunder Bomb by Zayn got a two count. Styles locks in the Calf Crusher. Zayn fights to the ropes. Zayn flips out of a power bomb from the top rope and drop kicks Styles. Zayn goes for a Helluva Kick and Styles dodges. Styles connects with the Phenomenal Forearm for the win.

AJ Styles is consoling Sami Zayn. Shane McMahon thanks them for an awesome match.

Chris Jericho comes out for a Highlight Reel. He appoints himself guest of his own show. Jericho can’t think of anyone he should take on right now. Dean Ambrose cures us of boredom. The show gets called the Ambrose Asylum. Jericho is his first guest. He asks about the scarf. Jericho goes off on the same tangent he went on against Styles.

Even Dr. Phil can’t help R Truth & Goldust.

Apollo Crews gets to beat Adam Rose. Rose gets in more offense than I would have expected but Crews gets another win that shows off all of his skills.

Roman Reigns & Bray Wyatt are taking on Alberto Del Rio & Sheamus. Rusev is of course on the outside. Wyatt takes an early beating from the League. Reigns doesn’t really get a hot tag because Sheamus rolls out of the ring. Some people are so against Reigns that they’re cheering for Sheamus & Del Rio. These clowns haven’t gotten a response in weeks. Reigns pulls ADR down from the World’s Dumbest Move. Wyatt gets the real hot tag against Del Rio. Sheamus breaks up a pin. Reigns takes Sheamus outside but loses the war. Rusev attacks Wyatt while the ref is distracted. Wyatt kicks out though. Braun Strowman & Erick Rowan show up to eliminate Rusev. Wyatt recovers and reverses into a Sister Abigail for the win. Reigns & Wyatt have a stare down after the match. – Kevin

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