Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on May 20, 2013 by stuntgranny

WontBeSurprised

You can see the website for the picture well enough. If you’re blind but somehow reading these words, it’s from LOLpix.com. I will not be surprised when Curtis Axel is introduced by Paul Heyman at the 9 PM slot. My woman asked me who it was. I thought she meant Kury Angle. Oh well, it’s not a big deal. I saw the tease earlier today so I knew something was coming.

They start with ambulance. Ryback wants an ambulance match. Aside from the whole vehicle, what’s the real difference with the match stips? Ryback going full heel by running down the fans. Glad they’re putting some gusto behind it. I don’t think he delivered though.

One sure fire way to catch up, FF the introductions. At least Fandango, Wade Barrett, The Miz & Chris Jericho got entrances. But like any good match, nothing happens except for more WWE App pimping. Fandango and Summer Rae bring us back. Jericho ends up taking advantage of Barrett. The Miz comes in for the cheap figure four tap. Jericho partners with Summer Rae but then blows her off. I guess that’s what you call it. Weak sauce.

Vickie comes out without her better half. She rigs a vote for Jack Swagger‘s next opponent. Of course it’ll be Randy Orton. Very pumped about the Shield holding lots of gold. Kane and Daniel Bryan start witty banter then it turns into arguing. Kofi is the piece maker oh, because he’s teaming with them tonight. The Shield will have another easy win.

Sheamus gets the big win but Mark Henry gets the TV time. He went home. Jerry Lawler implies it might last for a little bit. Titus O’Neil is his fodder. Darren Young will factor into the match but Sheamus will overcome. Yep, he gets to eat some barricade. O’Neil takes advantage. JBL & Lawler are putting him over something fierce. Young factors in again which gets O’Neil a near fall. White Noise. Brogue Kick. Mitchell Cool even calls him game at the end.

I’ll still listen to Paul Heyman‘s spiel. I didn’t know Lesnar was taking a break. Good for him. Come back at Summer Slam. Oh my lord, it’s a re-package Michael McGillicutty. Curtis Axel has himself quite the playoff beard. His new name is a mash up of his dad’s & grandfather’s. Good deal. Heyam is surprised by HHH‘s appearance. Did the internet explode when he big footed a possible new star? Axel steps up. After a slap, we get a match between the two.

Alberto Del Rio and Big E Langston go at it. Was I not paying attention to the news or did I really not see an update on my boy Dolph Ziggler? Big E showing off the strength with the Del Rio cross arm breaker turning into a ring post baseball bat. Aside from a Lawler joke about Ziggler keeping AJ monogamous. Big Ending for the victory after some eye gouging.

Kaitlyn attacked AJ Lee last night. Layla El is her opponent even though she’s #1 contender. AJ locks in the Black Widow for another win.

Zack Ryder takes on Cody Rhodes for who is really in the dog house. I’m sort of in the dog house. Baby Momma Drama is dragging his feet on the move out. It’s time to draft some legal documents. Horray for friends. No, I can’t pay attention to another feed. Well, maybe I could if it’s silent like Ryback. Disaster Kick to put Ryder in the dog house. Ryback gets to pummel Ryder more. Mention that Ryder was Cena’s friend! Turn Ryder heel after this beating.

The Shield shows up for their match. I’m glad they got time to brag before the match. Kane & Daniel Bryan interrupt and bring a commercial. Kofi Kingston starts off the match. He gets to take a beating too. Bryan gets to be the hot tag. Lawler re-tells an already bad joke about voices in the head. Dude, quite after one bomb. Big six man stand off to break. Kofi gets to botch some offense. Daniel Bryan is awesome in the ring. Big surprise, I know. Kane gets the second hot tag. Double suicide dive. Kane & Reigns are in the ring. Ambrose & Rollins dispatch their opponents. Flying knee by Rollins. Spear by Reigns for the win. Glad they didn’t pin Bryan. More of a statement pinning Kane. HHH gets to act tough.

Kaitlyn & Natalya get to act weird. Cody Rhodes makes the segment much better than it had any right to be. No one is surprised when Randy Orton runs away with the voting. At least they didn’t fudge the numbers to make it look like a closer race than it ever could have been. Him and Jack Swagger start after the break. The match gets my attention when Orton starts selling a knee injury. More app pimping. I feel like it’s the Twitter rage all over again. So naturally they show the Twitter ticker after the break. Swagger gets Orton into the Patriot Lock. He had to switch legs. Ha ha. RKO out of nowhere. That’s his trademark more than anyone else.

Curtis Axel gets the big second entrance. Nice of HHH to let him follow. Axel looks a little bigger than the last time I saw him. The announcers are selling HHH’s injuries from last night. Almost certainly confirming that he’ll win. HHH is trying to shake something off. He can’t get back into the ring. Trips sits down for a spell. The doctor then calls it. I’m not engrossed. Or worried. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on May 6, 2013 by stuntgranny

Sleepy_Puppies

My dogs crashed out early which is strange enough in itself. When you add an open front door to the equation, I’m really confused. Time to start this review though before I inevitably have to take them on another spin. Let’s roll.

I wasn’t paying attention to Twitter today so I had no idea they worked an angle on it. John Cena tries to climb aboard the Daniel Bryan bandwagon with his promo. Brickie comes out without the Brad Maddox part. Ryback comes out to merchandise. Doesn’t he know it’s summer? I’ll give the marketing department an F on this one. John, it’s two dollars that Ryback owes you. Vickie almost cracked a smile at the granny panties on a pole match. Ryback decides to go with a last man standing match. Mitchell Cool had “sources at the scene” when Heyman & Lesnar went to WWE Headquarters. It was a scary situation according to Jerry Lawler’s sources. Why couldn’t hey get real words? Real sources. They work for the WWE. It happened hours ago. You used Twitter to announce this angle. All of the information should be out already. The angle destroys itself.

Randy Orton is taking on Damien Sandow because the WWE liked their match on Smackdown. Sandow had good points but a terrible rhyme. Awkward commercial break as Orton is in the middle of a drop kick. RKO. The crowd goes crazy. Fair enough match but whatever. I dig the moment of going to the announcers but having Big Show KO Orton. Cool called it out then they went to replay.

My lady thinks it’s bull shit that she didn’t get to see Chris “Jerry” Jericho and his light up jacket last week. I agree. The traveling dancing circus are going to help Jericho judge Fandango‘s dancing. Lawler makes an awful ballet joke. R Truth comes out for more dance. Fandango leaves after R Truth wins on the score cards. This gimmick is ridiculous. So is this Lesnar angle. Just another partial answer segment. I don’t get it. I’m not more invested in the answer.

Daniel Bryan is challenging Ryback again. Ryback turns him down. Kane steps up. Ryback rules. Another solid segment. Dolph Ziggler is taking on Alberto Del Rio again. Why did I watch Smackdown? Jack Swagger decides to show his mug with Zeb. Dolph gets kicked in the head off a missed enziguri. Jack Swagger gets to look really good. Ouch, it looked like Dolph & Alberto took head shots with the ladder. Upon further review, sell job by Ziggler. Del Rio looked like he took one in the noggin.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on April 8, 2013 by stuntgranny

calvin-writing

Quotes from Jeremy on Facebook about Wrestlemania – #1. Yeah I totally got away with not contributing at all this year. Fortunately Kevin DiFrango was there for us all. (About my last preview post for Wrestlemania) #2. Kevin DiFrango wrote about WrestleMania 29. I saved $70.00 by not ordering and reading his review. I hope you do the same. (Considering I posted this today, Jeremy know his tenses very well.)

Quotes from Dusty on Facebook about Wrestlemania – Just read the quick results for Mania. The only result that didn’t make me want to jam a needle into my eye was Del Rio beating Swagger. Glad I occupied myself with baseball and old SNL today

Quotes from Eric on Facebook about Wrestlemania -

I get the odd feeling we won’t be talking about Wrestlemania this year. I re-watched the first two or three matches last night. I’ll try and watch the rest of the matches at some other point to properly evaluate. When you’re watching during a party and having to explain past histories and build up, you don’t pay attention very well. Toss in trying to blog and you’re nearly useless. I’m home with two conked out dogs. Time to concentrate on Raw. Let’s roll.

John Cena comes out and gives a Cena speech. He is the only person that gets this much of a reaction unless you count the part timers. Ryback and CM Punk come close. Mark Henry spoils the victory speech. Cena tries to derail a good promo. Booker T comes out to kill a main event that should headline a PPV. I have no idea where Vickie Guerrero is. Booker turns it into a non-title match. Henry still delivers a good promo.

Daniel Bryan comes down with Kane. Big E Langston comes down with some guy with blonde hair and a woman who might be smaller than my sister. I’m glad this crowd is better than the one last night. Nice choice of the director to not show Langston tossing Bryan onto Kane. Langston wins with the Big Ending. That was quick. Glad to know that Ziggler’s briefcase will continue to not be used as he still pursues the useless tag titles.

Wade Barrett gets his rematch against the Miz who went back to the goofy jacket for some reason. It doesn’t fit his character so I have no idea what he’s thinking. I do like the new wrestling gear though. Of course nothing happened before the commercial. I was grabbing dinner finally so I missed Barrett’s spell of offense. Barrett gets to break the figure four. Barrett whacks the Miz off the post. Bull Hammer for the win. Okay. Can someone tell me what the purpose of Barrett dropping the strap in the first place? Vickie & Brad Maddox are yammering when Sheamus comes in. He gets a match but Vickie doesn’t specify against who. Glad to know she’s as tired of that match as the rest of us are.

Booker T is backstage when Randy Orton approaches. Of course he wants a match against Big Show too. Booker over rules Vickie. Oh crap. It’s going to be worse than I thought with just a plain old rematch. We’re on the brink of anarchy according to Zeb Colter. Damn, I just got my finances straightened out. At least I had a good couple of year run to enjoy it before anarchy.

Alberto Del Rio and Jack Swagger do the heavy lifting. No surprise there. Also no surprise that they go to commercial with someone laying outside the ring. JBL has been stumping for free speech but doesn’t want it when Jerry Lawler makes a Colter joke. Neither Mitchell Cool nor Lawler called him on it. Del Rio breaks the Patriot Act. Del Rio turns a second attempt into a cross arm breaker. That was slick. Swagger taps out. Del Rio starts selling his ankle injury. Dolph Ziggler comes out. He cashes it in. The crowd is going crazy. The WWE will have it on mute in the main office. Enziguri by Del Rio. Kick out by Ziggler who had to wait until 2. Ziggler gets out of the cross arm breaker with a partial ankle lock. Zig Zag for the World Championship. Awesome. So awesome.

The fun continues. The Shield comes out when the Undertaker comes out. Glad to know he’s taking off more time officially. I’m not surprised. Aww crap, they do love this three man group so much, they’ve made up another three man group to not make them singles wrestlers.

Dolph Ziggler gets to give a victory speech. He said that this is his Wrestlemania moment. It is about damn time. Great cockiness that he needs to keep. 3MB gets to wrestle R Truth, Zack Ryder & Santino Marella. This match is very exciting for all involved. You didn’t get into Wrestlemania, here’s your consolation prize. Cobra beats Heath Slater. Awesome, they showed Fandango’s appearance on Opie & Anthony. Nice showing from little Jimmy Norton. Kaitlyn got to give away tickets instead of having her Wrestlemania moment. Sheamus and Randy Orton are arguing. Sheamus tells Orton that he’s got this. Orton is sitting back too much these days.

Big Show was angry last night. He is obviously angling for a feud with Randy Orton since another feud with Sheamus will bore us to death. Sheamus and Orton talk more. Tweet my choice. #IDontGiveACare. After the commercial break, we get a match between them for a chance at Big Show. I do love the after Wrestlemania crowds. This is down right hilarious. RVD! JBL! Jerry! Michael Cole! Commercial break! ECW! Lawler is thinking the crowd might run out of chants. The announcers finally get to talking about the match too. The wave. Clubbering time. Randy Savage! HBK! White noise and the crowd boos. Missed Brogue Kick. The Big Show comes out. Sheamus into the post. Thank You Big Show! Finished off with a WMD on Orton. Nope, not finished off. Really setting up the feud. Big Show is looking impressive in the process.

Fandango comes out. Kofi Kingston gets to job. How the moderately powerful have fallen. I guess they didn’t want Kofi to job? Chris Jericho interferes. I’m fine with keeping the feud going. The announcers complain about their table being used again. Walls of Jericho that referees try to break it up. Code Breaker as the finale. The crowd loved it. They also love Fandango correcting Justin Roberts.

Paul Heyman is interviewed by Josh Matthews. He sells Brock Lesnar. Heyman moves on to CM Punk. He is going to let Punk do his talking next week on Raw. Interesting. I like the tease. The Bellas & Rhodes Scholars come out for the oops, we put P Diddy on the show instead of you. So what if the crowd crapped on Diddy. Tons of Funk & the Funkadactyls are out second. The crowd is loving Sandow. Double Splash on Sandow for the Tons of Funk win. We didn’t miss anything on Wrestlemania.

Holy crap, that’s a real shirt that John Cena is wearing. You couldn’t see the belt earlier. If anyone over 12 buys that, they deserve to be beaten senseless. Mark Henry is using the power to his advantage. Duh. Count out victory for John Cena. There we go, figured an attack was coming. Ryback comes out. So Cena will get another feud. Feed me more. He looks at Cena. Then offers a hand.  Cena goes to tje ropes. Hilarious. He’s got to be trolling the crowd. Meat Hook clothesline on Cena. Shell shock. Surprised this crowd is getting into Ryback this much. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #WWE #Wrestlemania

Posted on April 7, 2013 by stuntgranny

my busy day

Alrighty, I’m actually starting on time after a busy day of making some great food. I got an assist from my woman who made dessert and from my neighbor who smoked some ribs and chicken. I hope everyone enjoyed the previews. I hope everyone had a perfect day like we did here in the fine city of Columbus. Enough about the day. It’s time for wrestling. Let’s roll.

Sheamus hits the ring first so we know they are winning. You always need a crowd pleasing win to start the show. Randy Orton & the Big Show join him on stage before they saunter to the ring. The Shield makes their group entrance. Roman Reigns starts the match for them along with Sheamus. Seth Rollins gets in some offense for the Shield. Dean Ambrose gets to show off how to take a beating from Show. I’m surprised that Show takes a beating early on. Why are the baby faces unclothing the heels? I hope Rollins is still alive. Dear lord that looked bad. Orton is the one that pisses off Big Show. Maybe we don’t see a baby face win. Dean Ambrose with the pin after a spear. Big Show slacked on breaking up the pin. The crowd seemed to like the outcome. I still want for them to do something more than three man matches. Big Show knocks both of them out. They needed to keep him heel so that’s one way to do it.

Mark Henry is the next one out of the shoot. I’m glad they’re giving me plenty of time to beer myself and my neighbors. Ryback gets the big second entrance. Henry gets the first offense. Pictures of the beer will be coming later. The Meat Hook clothesline gets busted out pretty early in Ryback’s offense. Nice way for Henry to get out of Shell Shock. Holy crap, he pinned him. That’s a pretty weak victory. Ah, Ryback is going to get the mojo back after a post match beat down. Isn’t that the job of the heel? I’m confused.

My boy Dolph Ziggler, Big E Langston & AJ Lee get thei first entrance. Kane & Daniel Bryan are the champs so they get the second entrance. Bryan almost gets the 18 second pin on Dolph who got a kiss from AJ. Langston shows off his strength against Kane. I’ll be surprised if Kaitlyn doesn’t make an appearance. Big E has some nice agility considering his background. Daniel Bryan wins with a flying head butt. My neighbors, woman & myself thought that the ref counted three on Kane earlier.

Stupid Lilian doesn’t know how to pronounce Fandango. When Chris Jericho was on Opie & Anthony on Thursday, you could tell he wasn’t very interested in this match. I haven’t looked that well at the set until now. We’ve got the Brooklyn Bridge, Empire State Building & Statue of Liberty. Of course a year I decide not to preview what the set might look like, they decide to go local on the set. JBL said he was surprised how long this match has gone. I’m not too surprised. The first hour moves pretty quick in most Wrestlemanias. Jericho kicks out of the top rope leg drop which I’m guessing is going to be his finisher. Jericho air balls the knees up. Good recovery by Jericho. Fandango wins with a small package. I’m better with that finish than I thought I’d be.

I find out that the Miz won the Intercontinental Championship with a figure four as Wade Barrett taps. I don’t care enough to turn into the preshow. Zeb Colter thinks people still speak Eyetalian in the US. Woof. Jack Swagger gets to pace. Alberto Del Rio gets the big entrance. The first thing I notice in the match is the giant brace that Del Rio is wearing. The match has been fine. I like Zeb denying the foot moving. Another interesting finish. Del Rio monkeys around with Colter. Swagger gets the drop on him. Del Rio locked in the cross arm breaker after Swagger got back into the ring. You’re still not Rey Mysterio.

Living Colour sounds much better than P Diddy/Sean Combs. CM Punk is sporting a Gracie Jiu Jitsu sweatshirt. I’ve got to think even more that Undertaker wins this one with it being this early on the card. Hard to believe this is the half way time of the show. I dig the people grabbing at Taker. My neighbor makes a good crack that hell is New Jersey. The wife part of the neighbors has noted that many wrestlers have gone purple for tonight’s outfit. Completely agree. Nice reversal of Old School. Even better of Punk to reverse it. Nothing happens until Punk gets crotched n his second Old School attempt. Heyman distracts Taker long enough so that Punk can nail a spring board clothes line. Macho Man elbow only gets two. Last Ride is reversed into a head kick. Punk isn’t heavy enough to break the table. Cool moment anyway. Taker beats the count. Hell’s Gate end sup leading to an Anaconda Vice. People go nuts for the Tombstone. People get a little deflated when Punk kicks out. People love Taker kicking out after the urn shot. 2nd Tombstone gets the win. People go bananas.

I wolfed down my woman’s cookies & cream cheese cake. It was awesome. Great food day even if we had a small lunch at Taco  Bell. Shawn Michaels came out first. Brock Lesnar comes out second. Weird. Dear lord. HHH tries to come up with creative entrances but they all end up sucking. He’s so losing after the fireworks went off. Glad HHH is going with some chest hair. The Spanish announce table finally breaks. I didn’t expect that. BRock goes to work on him in the ring. Lesnar is tossing HHH around tonight. German suplex to follow it up. And another one. I’m going to guess that there won’t be too many tables or ladders in this match. Michaels takes an F5. HHH follows with a Pedigree. It didn’t work. Lesnar with an F5 on HHH. Still only two. The ladies are grossed out by Lesnar’s boogie. Lesnar whacks HHH with the stairs. A second set of stairs only gets two. Kimura by Lesnar. HHH rams him into a corner. Lesnar sits on the top rope and locks back in the kimura. Spinebuster by HHH. Holy shit, the feed just froze as Lesnar runs into the ring post. Mother fucking WOW. I’ve seriously got to consider changing cable companies. HHH has the kimura locked in when I get the feed back. Lesnar slams HHH on the steps.  Repeat the cycle. And again. Well, it was a DDT on replay. Sledge hammer time, right to the head. Pedigree on the steps. HHH wins. Boo. Good match from what I saw. Wrestlemania is not where wrestlers go to die.

John Cena is a bad man. I like the solo entrance. He didn’t do one of his over the top entrances. Too bad he duck waddles when he runs. That’s an extra long ramp at Wrestlemania. The Rock takes his grand old time to get to the ring. We’ve got thirty nine minutes left as the bell rings. The crowd has sounded weird tonight. Did the crowd sound awful when we were in Orlando? That’s the last outdoor one I can remember. Texas, Phoenix, Atlanta, shit where were they last year? Anyway, they look more animated than the sound I hear most of the time. Taker match was the most clear to me. The match has moved along in the first seven minutes. Nothing of consequence. The missed flying tackle looked really ridiculous. Sharp Shooter by Rock. My neighbors aren’t buying it. They’re quick learners. Missed Five Knuckle Shuffle. STF after the Rock had a bit of offense. The crowd isn’t buying the urgency either. Five Knuckle Shuffle is hit. Rock Bottom after Cena being dismayed. Attitude Adjustment. No one is still surprised. Too much time left in the broadcast. People’s Elbow only gets a two count. Cena kicks out of another Rock Bottom. The crowd is back into it. Attitude Adjustment after a Five Knuckle Shuffle attempt by the Rock. Would have been poetic justice but they pass on it. Cena gets two from a Rock Bottom. Cena goes back to the People’s Elbow. Cena stops at the ropes. Rock Bottom. Another kick out. DDT by the Rock but he waits for Cena. Rock drops another mother fucker. Attitude Adjustment for the win. Duh. We’ll wait for part III. They shake and hug after the match. The Rock looks unhappy. They aren’t foreshadowing a third match up at all. -Kevin

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Wrestlemania 29 (NY/NJ) Preview Part IV

Posted on April 6, 2013 by stuntgranny

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

Since Jeremy agreed that he wouldn’t be doing previews as I had predicted on Monday, I’m going written for the previews. I’m hoping to do two matches a day including on Sunday. We’ll see if it happens or if I end up stacking them up because I can’t get to them. I’ll be separating them into pairs with one good match and one bad match.

Bad Match

World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio defending against Jack Swagger: The build up has been the most boring of any of these bouts. The hate might have worked better if Alberto Del Rio was a bigger baby face. He hasn’t come close to replacing Rey Mysterio. I really don’t like him any more as a baby face because he still feels so bland. Jack Swagger hasn’t done himself any favors since coming back either. I haven’t been impressed with his in ring work which has been passable at best. His gimmick isn’t doing much for me either. I suppose it’s good that he has a mouth piece but since the gimmick isn’t working I don’t like Zeb Colter. Prediction: Alberto Del Rio sucks slightly less so he retains.

Good Match

CM Punk vs The Undertaker: Aren’t we all glad that William Moody aka Paul Bearer died so that we could have an angle for Wrestlemania? I do wonder what this build up would have looked at without this tragic end to a fantastic mouth piece. I was glad that CM Punk got to sink his teeth into something other than the length of his title reign. I thought the angle ended up pigeon holing him from how he wanted to verbally attack the Undertaker. He did what he could and I enjoyed it but I also thought it was predictable and a little bit boring. The interesting part of this match is that because of the lengthy title reign, CM Punk is a legitimate threat. Undertaker has only made a couple of token appearances in the past year. Punk is a perfect torch handing over guy. Prediction: The streak stands and the internet doesn’t explode.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on April 1, 2013 by stuntgranny

Socrates You're Drunk

It’s the go home show for Wrestlemania. I had no idea that “Go Home, You’re Drunk” was a meme. I’m not exactly excited by this show. In fact, when I heard Michelle Beadle and Sam Roberts talking about it on After Opie & Anthony Live talking about how excited they were for Wrestlemania since it’s in “New York City” that I wanted to puke. All I could think to myself was “They have got to be putting up a facade to get interviews.” Maybe some people are enjoying this build up. I don’t know how though. I’ll save more of those thoughts for a written preview because I know I can’t rope Jeremy into a match by match preview like we’ve done in years past. Let’s roll.

We’ve got a Shawn Michaels tease to start. I have to explain Paul Bearer to my woman. She hasn’t watched in a while. John Cena gets to start us off in the ring. She just told me that the crowd no sold Cena’s Johnson joke. Good for them. There’s just nothing new here. John, you don’t need to sell us on your win. There’s way too much money in a part III.

Okay, Jeremy warned me about the same old matches. Naturally, the first match is a rerun. Randy Orton, Sheamus & Big Show get to squash 3MB. The blank check joke from Lawler gets no sold by Cole & JBL. Good for them. Three finishers. The Shield starts walking down from the crowd. They get their promo time instead of ring time.

Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter are stopping traffic. I think. I definitely saw a biker go past them. My woman is unenthused about Wrestlemania already. We The People. Matt Striker might be an upgrade. Alberto Del Rio gives us the same speech he’s given before.

Dolph Ziggler doesn’t get an entrance because he’s not important. Daniel Bryan is taking him on. The match is occurring while I set the table again. I can’t remember though if it’s a tag team match or a six person at Wrestlemania. It’s a tag team match. The guys are putting on a good match in the mean time. If someone is surprised, they haven’t watched much wrestling. Dolph with the cheap roll up. Post match beat down by Big E Langston. The switch for him on Kane was a nice touch. Hey, two positive things!

Shawn Michaels gets to give us a Wrestlemania run down. He tells us about the three important matches. HHH interrupts him before he can go anywhere. Michaels got to skip the goofy part of the promo. He delivers a great promo. Brock Lesnar comes down but Paul Heyman does all of the talking. Another good build up. What the hell is going on, you’re blowing up my theory.

The Miz and Wade Barrett get a special match on Youtube and Facebook. The Miz is in the booth. Barrett gets to squash Zack Ryder. I feel bad for him even more. Ryder is adding muscle and he still isn’t getting anywhere. The WWE wouldn’t be on Youtube if it weren’t for him. Well, they’d probably would have gotten there but he sped things up. The Miz didn’t over do the suit today. Bull Hammer Elbow. Brad Maddox is talking to Vickie Guerrero. Santino gives us the news that Vince McMahon is in the arena. April Fool’s joke. I wasn’t even thinking about that possibility. Marella gets a match out of it.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on March 25, 2013 by stuntgranny

The_Final_Countdown

I’m getting to start early because my boxer decided to fall asleep much earlier than expected. It looks like today starts the final count down to Wrestlemania. I hope this song sticks in your brain during the whole show. Let’s roll.

CM Punk & Paul Heyman get to start the show. If the Rock isn’t the last segment, I’ll be shocked. Punk is not getting much of a reaction. The crowd does get behind the Undertaker attack. The promo didn’t do a whole lot for me. Taker looks like he is mobile. I wonder what length of match he has in him though. Thirty seconds isn’t a test.

Fandango is supposed to make his in ring debut again. They talk about Chris Jericho who never should have been surprised by Fandango showing up when they put his entire entrance up on Smackdown. Jericho goes right after Fandango. Why did Jericho agree to work this angle? I’m confused that this is his thing headed into Wrestlemania. Dolph Ziggler was conveniently ready to go when Fandango ran off. Before the break, I was busy checking the news on Dustin Kilgore, who wrestles for Kent State. He won the the 197 pound division last year and lost this year in the championship 8-6. Impressive career. I wonder if he’ll follow in Dolph’s foot steps. Big E Langston interferes of course. A second attempt works for the Walls. Dolph taps. Langston ambushes him. Someone for their team needs some heat. Fandango comes back down. After dancing in front of him, he assaults Jericho. Why should I believe Fandango can beat Jericho if he just got the guy who has the MITB briefcase to tap? None.

They recap Smackdown again. It really must be Wrestlemania season. Two weeks in a row on this stuff. Sheamus gets to talk until the Shield attacks. These dummies aren’t traveling together? Randy Orton then Big Show make the save. Stay together or within closer ass kicking distance.

Mark Henry gets to continue his show of strength by beating the Usos. They got a splash in which is surprising. World’s Strongest Slam. Impressive but getting repetitive at this point. He’s had this character for a while. This Philly crowd seems luke warm.

They put the 9 PM switch to Antonio Cesaro taking on Alberto Del Rio. Good for them. Mitchell Cool informs us of frequent belt changes at Wrestlemania. I’ll remember that for the John Cena vs the  Rock match. Jack Swagger attacks Ricardo Rodriguez again. Del Rio makes the save. Cesaro celebrates the count out win. Kind of funny. Del Rio attacks Cesaro. Why are you making a baby face look like a petty dick?

The Prime Time Players get to play fodder to Team Hell No. You could convince me the crowd was half of 18,000+ Mitchell Cool just said. I feel bad for Cool when Lawler no sells his “Don’t work six days of the work” line. Kane choke slammed Young for the win.

HHH gives me plenty of catch up time. He delivered a HHH promo and didn’t waste time. I could handle that. HHH kicks Wade Barrett in the nuts.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on March 18, 2013 by stuntgranny

Brad-Pitt-fight-club-body

I was a lazy ass for the site for this past week. I’ll home that trend doesn’t continue. I’m bummed that I didn’t get to my Guinness post for St. Patrick’s Day. That still may be coming. I still have to review the 6 beers I had in Nashville that are all brewed in the fine state of Tennessee. I only have one game to attend this week so I’ll hope to get typing more. Let’s roll.

John Cena comes out in black & gold in Pittsburgh to try and get a better crowd reaction. It doesn’t help. His promo doesn’t have Wrestlemania Main Event written anywhere near it. Glad John passed by the Pirates. They have a great history, just not a recent one. This skit is leading to a squash match. Woof. I like the Prime Time Players most of the time. This one was a terrible effort at an inopportune time. This squash match even gets a commercial break. Just wow. Forget what I said two weeks ago about the WWE writers waking up. Five Knuckle Shuffle & AA finishes the match after the break. Recap of Smackdown with Mark Henry, Ryback & the Shield. That was the next break.

David Otunga is fodder for Ryback. The crowd finally gets to the chanting for the clothesline. Shell shock. I’m glad he’s addressing Mark Henry. Vickie makes their match for Wrestlemania. I guess SD has a story line for this week. Granted, everyone knows that the Big Show is going to be the other partner. I was scratching my head watching SD.

Holy cow, another Smackdown recap. They are loving the Fandango. The Great Khali is coming down to the ring for some reason. Fandango wants Natalya to take a crack at his name. He’s going into a Brian Fantana/Ron Burgundy territory hitting on her. I wonder if he’s going to have the parquet by the time they hit Cbus in late April.

I’m kind of digging the R Truth wife beater. The whole outfit is a bit much. Damien Sandow is a good foil for him. I liked both of their promos more than Cena’s. Sandow saves himself by rolling out of the ring and getting counted out. Am I smelling a Rhodes Scholars vs R Truth & Kofi Kingston at Wrestlemania? Kaitlyn interrupts the Bellas who are fawning over Cody‘s mustache. I think I smell a Diva’s Title match too. Rhodes should drop the Bellas. Not even a contest.

Undertaker allows me time to catch up. Undertaker is short and to the point. CM Punk playing with the urn is awesome. I’ve loved his switch in focus away from the title reign length. Good stuff but not much to it.

Daniel Bryan & Kane are taking on Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo. Mitchell Cool said that the mask hides Kane’s expressions. I guess he’s missed every single skit with these two since they’ve been together. Kane looks like he’s going to finish off Primo when AJ Lee skips around the ring. Epico takes the loss instead. Big E Langston & Ziggler vs these two for the titles at WM? Chris Jericho is proud of his Intercontinental Championship total. He’s interrupted by Fandango. Silly Jericho has been in full effect since his babyface turn. He’s not all that funny in this mode.

My mutt Kia can’t decide where to sleep tonight. She just took my spot on the couch. I skip over Alberto Del Rio‘s introduction. At least he has stopped using the car entrance. Cody Rhodes gets to lose to him.  The old shoulder into the post trick gets Rhodes his save face offense. Scratch on that. We do get a commercial break. The live crowd got to see most of Cody’s offense. Mitchell Cool explaining the Cross Arm Breaker like it was a complicated concept was really weird. A part of the crowd starts chanting “USA!” Cody Rhodes taps out. Jack Swagger ambushes Del Rio again. What a fall by Rodriguez. Looked like he rolled thru fairly well though. Zeb Colter gets to back up so that Swagger can save him. Good sell job by Ricardo too.

Booker T is going into the Hall of Fame. Good for him. I would have expected him to get the nod when they go to Texas again.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on March 11, 2013 by stuntgranny

ap_paul_bearer

We have to cover wrestling some time. So here it is after a week off and more to come from our shenanigans in Nashville. Let’s roll.

The WWE does the right thing and pays tribute to Paul Bearer to start the show. The man that awkwardly ended that segment comes out next. Thanks for giving your catch phrase to a real dead man, Undertaker. CM Punk interrupts before Taker can get started. I love the promo again. What a dick move.

They are really pushing WWE Active. I’m still not biting. Kane goes on a rampage against Punk because Undertaker can’t wrestle. Alex Riley finally gets some air time. Big Show comes out next. They recap more story that didn’t happen on TV. Here’s an idea for the WWE. How about less replays and more actual content on the show? Seth Rollins is taking him on one on one. SOrt of, what’s to prevent them from attacking like normal? Shouldn’t they be banned from ringside just to start with. Big Show helps them out with the angle. Triple power bomb. I hope that after Wrestlemania, The Shield progresses and breaks into singles wrestling or a singles wrestler and a tag team. CM Punk cries to Vickie Guerrero about Kane. She puts him in a no DQ match with Kane. Holy shit, a Smackdown replay on Raw? What is coming of this world?

Daniel Bryan was out before the break. We can Tout about Paul Bearer because we haven’t had enough social media on the show yet. Dolph Ziggler is his opponent. I think my boy might win. Big E Langston needs to start doing something other than look menacing. Commercial time. I’d be pretty cool if they made Bryan a legitimate threat again. I get the feeling though he’s headed for Chris Jericho territory. Fun counter by Ziggler. Doesn’t seem very heelish. Rocker Dropper only gets two. Awesome finish with counters. Ziggler wins with the Zig Zag. Big E drops Daniel Bryan with his finisher.

Tensai the dancing monkey is supposed to take on another dancing monkey, Fandango. This gimmick may be growing on me. GI Joe: Retaliation preview looks pretty cool.

Team Rhodes Scholars does a good mock of the New Age Outlaws introduction. People still love the original and will continue to love shouting “Suck it!” Brock Lesnar comes out. Billy Gunn tries to take the fight to him but fails. Good way to get him some heat. Paul Heyman does a great sell job on the conditions.

Kofi Kingston is fodder for Mark Henry. They show the show downs with Ryback. World’s Strongest Slam. Cody Rhodes hits on Kaitlyn but Damien Sandow brings back the Bellas. Holy smokes. You ladies aren’t the answer to anything. Vickie puts them in a match with Sheamus & Randy Orton. Ryback is out next. The sacrificial lamb is introduced after the Psych preview. I hope it doesn’t suck as much as the show Cena was in.

Heath Slater gets the nod. Good choice in the selling department even if we’ve seen it before. Henry watches from the ramp. Shell Shock. Drew McIntyre gets the same treatment. Henry walks into the ring and slams McIntyre. Shell Shock. Slam.

Alberto Del Rio takes on Antonio Cesaro. Del Rio cuts a cheese-tastic inset promo. Cesaro is starting to seem like Dolph Ziggler part 2. They keep putting him into good matches but he keeps losing but they clearly like him. Cross Arm Breaker submission for Del Rio. Kane loves his father’s ashes.

I’m glad they could give us more recap on John Cena & the Rock. More replays, of Brock Lesnar now. Sheamus gets the big introduction. Randy Orton came in before the Lesnar replay. WWE App still has more real content than the TV product. Randy Orton gets the hot tag though. T-Bone suplex out of Orton. Good for him. Not really a hot tag. Time for him to sell for their team. We may get a commercial break. Nope, Sheamus got the hot tag for reals. Rhodes takes the RKO so that both the good guys can do their finishers. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Sandow for the win.

The WWE App has even more real content instead of the TV show. The Shield attacked Orton & Sheamus. Chris Jericho tells us more movie footage because it is more important than TV product too. Wade Barrett gives us more movie footage. The Miz gives his same schtick. Jericho shows him how to stay somewhat fresh. The Miz and Jericho are going to fight to get a crack at Barrett. Wade is on the headset when they return. The old toss your opponent into the guy on the head set trick rears it’s ugly head. Is this what Jericho gets for Wrestlemania?

I FF thru Zeb Colter’s promo because I’m tired of it already. Jack Swagger gets Sin Cara to tap out easily. Alberto Del Rio comes to his rescue. More movie stuff. This time with Halle Berry. David Otunga grew his goat back. He gave her phone number to Kane. He kills again. I’m not sure how they talked her into that one. Or the movie.

They are not leaving much time for CM Punk vs Kane. I got 10 minutes by my DVR. They take a commercial break at 11:05. What a bunch of douches. They come back with 2 minutes left on my DVR. Fuck these guys. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on February 25, 2013 by stuntgranny

undertaker-buried-alive

Never a good day to go to a funeral. No one is coming back after months of resting an injury. That’s all she wrote man. Profound, huh? I’m not so I’m not going to pretend. Enjoy your time here. I’ll feel a little bit better after mocking the WWE for about three hours. Let’s roll.

Vince McMahon starts the show. He’s kind of got a Joker like suit on. Paul Heyman comes dressed for a fight. I love the people in the front row clapping about the Romo joke. Brock Lesnar shows up again. HHH shows up with a buzz cut. You need to have HHH win and he does. Predictable stuff.

Dolph Ziggler is taking on Ryback. Big E Langston & AJ Lee are at ring side. I’ve been on the phone the whole segment. It has not changed how much I taped. Big E comes into play. It doesn’t matter though. Loss 1 million for Ziggler.

CM Punk tells us tonight is about him. I’m even starting to tune out him. Donald Trump is the newest inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame.

I’m off the phone but completely uninterested in Mark Henry vs the Great Khali XX. We get it, Henry can World’s Strongest Slam Khali. The Marine III looks terrible. If that’s the best you can do, stop trying.

Miz TV is next with Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez. It goes as expected. I was explaining Swagger to Baby Momma Drama so I missed the specifics. Whatever.

Randy Orton takes on Antonio Cesaro. Let’s see if I can type more than two sentences about it. RKO out of nowhere because Orton needs to beat an up and comer just to keep his quasi-main event status. He’s got no direction right now. Brad Maddox & Vickie Guerrero talk Daniel Bryan & Kane into a match with the Prime Time Players. Not their best work. Team Brickie does have a nice ring to it. This JBL/John Cena commercial is pretty funny. They have the perfect people in the roles.

Sheamus is out to give us his Oscar snubs. Thanks for helping to get us some extra hits for mentions of unrelated material. Oh, it’s funny man Sheamus plugging the movie Barrett is in for five seconds. This is bombing. Wade Barrett is here to save us. He did well but didn’t blow me away.

(more…)

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