Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 2 May ’16

Photo by Connie Reed. Saved from the Examiner.com

Photo by Connie Reed. Saved from the Examiner.com

(Architecture Lesson: It would be super easy to do the Gateway Arch which was designed by Eero Saarinen in 1963 but it’s a fairly simplistic design even if it is iconic. The Basilica of St. Louis was the only building to survive the demolition to make room for the Arch because it was of historical significance. It was designed and built by Laveille & Morton in 1831. It is done so in the Greek Revival design style, which does bear some similarities to the Beaux Arts since it goes back to yesteryear to get their design ideals. Most design had been grabbed from Roman architecture which was itself an updated version of Greek architecture. The Greek architecture was more simplistic than Roman architecture though much of difference comes in detailing than obvious design differences.)

The WWE starts us off with Stephanie McMahon & Shane McMahon. Just what I wanted. (Note the huge dose of sarcasm.) Stephanie has a present for Shane so that they’ll be good business partners. Stephanie gives him back the picture Vince McMahon smashed recently. Steph wants to hear Shane’s ideas. When he finally gets ready to say them, Kevin Owens interrupts. Obviously his idea for them is a rematch for his Intercontinental Title. And he wants it tonight. Owens sucks up to Steph. Just when it looks like he’s going to get the match, Cesaro comes out. Cesaro points out that Owens and Sami Zayn interfered in his match last night. Shane gives them a match to determine the number 1 contender.

The Miz is on the head set. Cesaro starts off with the Uppercut Train. I suppose it should be capitalized since it’s a move officially. The Miz continues to point out that he won last night and that’s all that matters. Kevin Owens is really starting to feature the Bullfrog Splash, this time off of the apron to the floor. I can barely hear Maryse when she talks. Is that on purpose? Cesaro is a one trick pony. He’s all uppercuts. (Next Day Note: I’m supposing the internet isn’t in an uproar over his lack of move set.) Cesaro uppercuts both Owens & The Miz. The Miz interferes to cause a DQ. Owens & The Miz argue. Sami Zayn’s music hits. He comes down to even the odds. Zayn takes out Owens with the Helluva Kick. Maryse saves the Miz.

Stephanie runs into Dean Ambrose. He thinks she’s just putting on a smile. She books herself on the Ambrose Asylum.

R Truth is selling Gorgeous Truth to Tyler Breeze. But Breeze isn’t paying attention until Goldust shows up. Fandango is back again. So not everything is great during the Shane Era.

AJ Styles is talking to Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows. He was “phenomenal” last night. He tells them to pump their brakes. Roman Reigns comes in. He tells AJ that he respects him but not Anderson & Gallows. Reigns challenges them to a six man match with the Usos later.

Goldust & Fandango are taking on R Truth & Tyler Breeze in a match. I guess every show needs a breather. Breeze rolled up Goldust for the win. Oh, it was a singles match. I wasn’t paying attention.

New Day comes out to address the Vaudevillains winning through injury so they have to take them on. They keep showing Enzo Amore‘s concussion. But hey, there’s no blood. Enzo did get released from the hospital. No Xavier Woods, he isn’t okay. Woods recovers and says that it might take a while for Enzo’s recovery. Good catch, Mr. PhD. The Vaudevillains show up to rain on the recovery parade. Aiden English tells us that they would have gotten back up after the concussion since they are real men. Simon Gotch mocks Amore’s catch phrases. The Dudley Boyz come out and try to say they’re the baddest team in the world. They want the tournament restarted. Big Cass comes out and says he’s good to go against the Villains.

We get an eight man match after the break. Bubba Ray “teaching” the Villains is pretty damn funny. Woods is taking the beating for the good guys. Woods creates an opening with an enziguri. Kofi Kingston gets the hot tag. English distracts Kingston. He then gets tossed into the post for a break. Kofi gets to take a beat down too. Big Cass & Big E getting to be lazy on the outside. Cass ends up being the one who gets the hot tag. Poor Gotch gets a Big Boot off the apron into Big E’s arms. He release suplexes him on the outside. East River Crossing Side Slam for the win. Cass won’t be kept off TV much like Enzo’s injury in NXT. Good for him.

Becky Lynch is taking on Emma. They show the Tweet Beef for this match. Emma giving Lynch a Sick Kick which only gets a two count. Emma with the cross body in the corner which also gets a two. Becky turns things around with clothes lines and a heel kick. Beck-sploder suplex is only two count worthy. Emma rolls to the ropes when Lynch attempts the Disarmer. Emma thumbs Becky in the eye. Emma follows up with a Michanoku Driver for the win. (Next Day Note: I’m still at a loss as to what the WWE is doing with the Women’s Division. They may have revamped the name and usually give them two segments per Raw but they’re fairly rudderless. And do we need to send out an SOS for Sasha Banks?)

I’m still not watching the Puerto Ricans vignettes. Dean Ambrose introduces Stephanie McMahon. Ambrose keeps trying make Steph the heel. She deflects and stays cheery. Ambrose asks her about getting speared. Reigns taught her a valuable lesson, don’t put her nose where it shouldn’t be. Steph keeps up the act even when Shane is brought up. Dean keeps driving home her reasons for displeasure. She cancels the Ambrose Asylum. Ambrose grabs his plant and leaves. Steph brings out Chris Jericho for The Highlight Reel. Ambrose attacks when Jericho gets to the end of the ramp. Jericho ends up wining the brawl and kicks Ambrose off the ring apron to the floor. Jericho breaks Mitch the Plant over Ambrose’s head. Jericho whispers sweet nothings into Ambrose’s ear. (Next Day Note: I’m going to imagine it was something along the lines of “Don’t worry, it’s concert season so I’m going to put you over again before I leave.”)

The League of Nations break up story and Baron Corbin get high lighted before the battle royal to take on Kalisto for the US Title. Ziggler tosses Corbin but Corbin assaults Ziggler then rolls him back into the ring for an official elimination. Smart move on Corbin’s part. Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio & Rusev are in the final five with Sin Cara & Zack Ryder. Del Rio eliminates Sin Cara. The League beats down Ryder. They then fight among each other. Sheamus gets kicked out by Del Rio with help from Rusev. Ryder eliminates Del Rio with a drop kick knocking ADR off the apron. Ryder looks like he’s going to get the elimination when Rusev turns an Irish Toss around for the win.

The Women are still just getting garbage for story lines. The Chicago Screwjob is another example. Charles Robinson is front in center in Charlotte & Ric Flair‘s defense. He tells us that Natalya verbally tapped. Robinson pretends to flub up whether his friendship with Flair had any influence. Natalya comes down and accuses Flair of paying off Robinson. Charlotte goes after Nattie but she blocks the blow and throws Charlotte out of the ring. Natalya slaps Flair something fierce. She then puts Flair in a Sharpshooter. Charlotte makes the save.

Stephanie runs into Charlotte & Ric Flair back stage. She makes a submissions match at Extreme Rules. She also informs Flair that he is banned from ring side.

(#6ManTag) The Usos and Roman Reigns take on Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows and AJ Styles. Reigns and Styles go at it early. Jimmy Uso gets dumped outside for the obvious break of the match. Styles gets super kicked after he tells Gallows to stay in the corner. Reigns gets the hot tag. Reigns turns  ablind tag by Styles into side slam. Styles catches Reigns coming in with a modified enziguri. Jimmy tags in. Things devolve. Anderson & Gallows give Reigns the Boot of Doom on the outside. Jimmy comes charging and eats a Flying Forearm for the win. Anderson is ready to hit Reigns with a chair then he gives the chair to Styles. He refuses to use it. The Usos use a steel chair on Styles. They then take out Anderson & Gallows. Styles attacks the Usos with a chair. Reigns, who was down the time, sees it and connects with a Superman Punch. Reigns finishes it him off with a Power Bomb through the announce desk. People are really loving booing Reigns.  – Kevin DiFrango

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