Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 14 Mar. ’16

The Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh PA. Saved from

The Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh PA

New Day started off by bragging about beating the League of Nations at Roadblock. They got the best of the League on Twitter too. The League decides to send out Alberto Del Rio & Rusev tonight instead of Sheamus & King Barrett. I did not end up watching Roadblock. Big E ends up getting the better of Rusev. It leads to decent beating by Big E & Xavier Woods. Big E ends up celebrating too much which gives Rusev an opening. Woods gets a mini-hot tag. He ends up taking an extended beating. I was so shocked by Del Rio using the World’s Worst Move in an understandable manner that I stopped typing. Rusev gets a believable near fall by Rusev on Woods who kicked out at the last moment. Kofi Kingston takes out Barrett & Sheamus on the outside which distracts Rusev. Woods rolls up Rusev and grabs the trunks for the win. The League ends up beating down New Day. They are not getting the boos they’re expecting to out of this diabolical move.

Dean Ambrose is the next out of the chute. Again, I didn’t see Roadblock so I didn’t see this silly way to keep the belt on HHH. He’s pissed about not getting the belt but knows he needs to turn his sights to Brock Lesnar, who hits the stage. Paul Heyman does the talking as usual including anyone who wrestles Brock at Wrestlemania is in the main event. Heyman begs Ambrose not to provoke his client any more. Ambrose tries to get Brock down there by mocking his bounce. Heyman plugs the Network and tries to get Brock to leave. Brock can’t leave though. He stalks the ring. Brock tries to get in but Ambrose swings with a crowbar and gets him to back off.

Ryback is in the ring. Sin Cara is his opponent. Kalisto is at ring side. What happens in the match is what you should expect, a small flurry by Sin Cara near the end of the match didn’t stop this squash match. Double Shellshock for the win. Ryback then challenges Kalisto for the US Title at Wrestlemania.

Stephanie McMahon introduces HHH. The whole world didn’t watch Roadblock, HHH. Already mentioned that a few times in this very column sir. He gives us a speech about all of the fans having hope. We complain about the authority above all of us. He is doing everything he can to turn fans against him. I’m just laughing at how over the top this performance is. We all think Roman Reigns is the hope. Wow, just when I thought this promo couldn’t get more ridiculous. He keeps chastising us until Dolph Ziggler shows up.  He’s got nothing left to lose because of how many times he’s been told he’d be fired. Ziggler will not quit. HHH tells Dolph that maybe he hasn’t had the right people backing him. Ziggler wouldn’t side with them if they were the last two people on earth. Stephanie makes him an offer, Ziggler has to win tonight to get a match at Wrestlemania. Steph books him in a match with HHH. Interesting.

Kevin Owens is on the head sets. Sami Zayn comes to the ring. The Miz is his opponent. Owens said that Zayn doesn’t deserve to be in a WWE ring. It sure sounds like they’re at least setting up a four way match also involving Neville for the Intercontinental Title. The match is secondary to Owens’s state of mind. Zayn nails Miz with a twisting planacha. Owens goes to attack Zayn when Miz hits him from behind. Miz crawls back in the ring. Zayn gets back into the ring. Miz gets distracted by Owens. Zayn connects with the Helluva Kick for the win.

Renee Young interviews the League of Nations. They didn’t care about the belts. They wanted to send a message. Sheamus challenges them to a 4 on 3 match at Wrestlemania. I feel special guest tag team partner for New Day.

Brie Bella & Alicia Fox are taking on Naomi & Tamina. Lana of course comes down to the ring. Fox gets a short lived beat down. Brie gets the hot tag. Brie gives Tamina a second rope X Factor. Naomi makes the save. Lana walks up the stairs. Some type of double team slam for Naomi & Tamina win.

Jojo is interviewing Paige when Lana shows up. So do Naomi & Tamina after Paige threatens Lana.

Renee Young gets to interview Charlotte. She tells us that Sasha tossed cookies before her first match. She’s still the same scared girl now. Becky Lynch was always awkward and wanting to be included. She insults both of them more. Ric Flair gives Charlotte a set up to a little patting on your own back. She’s really heeling it up.

The Usos quickly dispatched of The Social Outcasts then have a barking match with the Dudley Boys.

Mick Foley asks Dean Ambrose why he’s doing what he’s doing. They show how they have similar attitudes about just keeping going. Foley gives him a present, which of course is the barbed wire baseball bat.

Dolph Ziggler is taking on HHH. I buzz through HHH’s entrance which is starting to rvial Undertaker’s for the longest to do the least. Kent State Wrestling mentioned again. JBL should mention that five wrestlers from the program are going to the NCAA Championships this coming weekend. Kent State is no joke of a program. Ziggler takes a beating for the majority of the match. Ziggler gets up a boot up when HHH goes for the Lawler Middle Rope Fist Drop. Ziggler makes a quick strike come back. HHH kicks out of a Fame Asser. I’m not sure why that was a close call. Ziggler gets another near fall off his swinging DDT. Ziggler gets stopped twice charging. HHH can’t take advantage though. A match after the Super Kick Party, Ziggler gets a close fall with one. Ziggler gets tossed off the apron into the barricade. Ziggler barely gets back in and counters a Pedigree. That is only temporary, HHH Pedigrees him for the win. Roman Reigns music hits. He comes out from the stage. So Reigns pulls heel tactics and we’re supposed to like this guy? Reigns pushes down Charles Robinson. Reigns continues to clobber HHH. Neither Michael Cole nor Byron Saxton mention this is exactly what HHH did to Reigns a few weeks ago. Reigns ends by bending a TV over HHH’s back backstage. Fun brawl.

Jacqueline is the latest Woman to go into the WWE Hall of Fame. I enjoyed a decent chunk of her work.

R Truth making fun of himself for not knowing which city he’s in. He talks to Goldust about the mating habits of penguins. Goldust turns him down again. Please make these segments stop.

Chris Jericho runs down AJ Styles, again. Why did you use “Who’s Your Daddy?” That’s about twenty years old. Neville is his opponent. Neville has control going into an early break. Jericho shoves Charles Robinson which earns his a DQ. Robinson having a tough night. Jericho complains about Styles again. He finally shows up. He connects with the Phenomenal Forearm and leaves Jericho laying.

Vince McMahon is ready to gloat after Wrestlemania. He introduces the Undertaker. Vince tells Taker to never handle him ever again. Taker takes off his jacket and hat. He never really threatens Vince again. Shane McMahon hits the ring. Shane flubs his opening line which is a bad tone setter. All of Shane’s fighting isn’t going to be enough. Taker has these old fists. Shane pulls the control card. He ends up calling him a bitch. Taker attacks but Shane keeps getting out of the situation. Vince shoves Shane into Taker’s grasp. Chokeslam. Taker goes for Vince who escapes. Taker is looking rough. I will at that age too. – Kevin

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