Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 7 December 2015

The Huguenot Church in downtown Charleston SC. Saved from

The Huguenot Church in downtown Charleston SC. Saved from

We get a recounting of the formation of the League of Nations. They are in the ring after it is done. The WWE is hard to take seriously when they think a shirt like Sheamus 5:15 is going to sell. For anyone who did spend their dollars for it, your taste is terrible and un-creative. He’s even using it as a prop. Rusev is from Bulgaria. I’m going to guess that wrestling Twitter blew up when Alberto Del Rio was introduced as being from Mexico. King Barrett is from England. Ho hum. Sheamus tries to tell us that they’re great. Bray Wyatt and the Family show up. After threatening the League of Nations, the Dudley Boyz and Tommy Dreamer show up. They want to raise things to the extreme. Rhyno shows up. Good for him. Roman Reigns comes out with Dean Ambrose and the Usos. It’s going to be a real party.

We get a sixteen man elimination tag match after the break. So is the WWE jamming all of their stars into the first hour since that’s when they have the most viewers? Poor Erick Rowan is thought of so poorly, he takes a DDT and loses. Steve Austin has been bitching for months that it’s a transition move. There you go, it’s a finisher. Roman Reigns and Rhyno have a show down while the rest brawl on the outside. Nothing happens before Sheamus & Rusev arrive. Rusev gets 3Ded. Devon gets shoved off the ropes. Bully Ray takes a Brogue Kick for another elimination. Ambrose starts beating on Rusev into the next break. Jey Uso is taking the beat down after the break. Reigns gets the hot tag. We get the spot where everyone gets spots soon there after. Del Rio slaps on the cross arm breaker. Jey Uso breaks it up with a splash. Sheamus mocks Reigns who in turn spears him for the win.

Sheamus assures us that he’s going to get more camera time to shame Roman Reigns later tonight. Lucky us. He’s done two average promos already, so I’ll take it he’s saving the best for last. That’s the positive way to look at it, right? The Titus O’Neil and Stardust promos have entertained me but I’m not sure what they’re leading to nor do I care.

Dolph Ziggler is taking on Kevin Owens in a rematch of sorts. Tyler Breeze & Summer Rae are nearby in the VIP Section. The WWE director goes art house and shows the match thru the rungs of a ladder on stage. The match is back and forth until Owens gives Ziggler a fall away slam into the barricade. Owens starts working over Ziggler. Dolph creates an opening with a back body drop. Ziggler mosses a corner splash. Ziggler gets tossed into the ring post shoulder first. Ziggler just loves selling an injury. Owens tosses Ziggler back outside after the break. Owens talks trash to the announcers. Ziggler DDTs Owens. Michael Cole uttered the words “Ziggler knows what a pin fall victory over Owens would do for his career.” Not that Ziggler will be an all time great, but people should remember him. Ziggler dodges the Owens Cannonball in the corner. The Fame Asser gets a near fall. Pop Up Power Bomb out of nowhere for the win. Dean Ambrose comes down to the ring, pop & popcorn in hand. So why exactly was Tyler Breeze brought out? Ambrose tosses the popcorn and pop in Owens’s face. Need to go with the pop first so that some of the popcorn sticks. Bray Wyatt gets more TV time. Braun Strowman wants to hug Tommy Dreamer until he passes out.

Team Bad is taking on 2/3 of Team Bella. The Miz continues to pitch Neville on getting a personality upgrade. Donny Deutsch shows up. Team Bad says “Unity” in a high pitched voices. I’m sure that will help their careers. (Please note a large dose of sarcasm.) Alicia Fox & Brie Bella take it to Team Bad early. Bryon Saxton has to pretend that Team Bad has gotten somewhere on the roster because they went heel. Brie gets a hot tag against Naomi. Rear View by Naomi (with a pair of distractions) for the win. New Day comes out after their victory. Team Bad gets presented with unicorn horns. I can’t type that with any enthusiasm.

The New Day promo proves that giving creative freedom to the act doesn’t guarantee success. Many people seem to write like it would solve all of the WWE’s woes. The Lucha Dragons are taking them on. Because of the terrible promo, an early break happens in the match. Big E rams Kalisto into the barricade back first. Sin Cara gets a hot tag which we all know will not last long. Kofi gets the drop on Sin Cara. The Usos (who were on commentary) attack Xavier Woods. Sin Cara rolls up Kofi for the win. Roman Reigns is amused by Sheamus teaching him a lesson. Reigns is going to teach Sheamus how to be a former champ.

Charlotte & Ric Flair come out for Miz TV. I complained about this angle last week and forgot how it has taken the heat out of Paige’s next match with Charlotte. Wow, just terrible writing. Charlotte hides behind her dad. But after all of that, she rips down Paige like everyone is supposed to cheer. I’m beyond confused. Paige comes out. Ric talks her out of the ring. Paige slaps Ric. Charlotte attacks but Paige slinks out of the ring. I think I should trade mark the moment in each Raw that makes my head explode. This one was it.

Infatuated Rusev and baked out of her gourd Lana is not what any fan who called for their reunification had in mind for where to go after it. Ryback is his opponent. Ryback does an awkward sling shot flip over the top rope. Ryback gets dumped outside so that Rusev turns it around at the break. Ryback back runs into Lana while chasing Rusev, except the WWE didn’t show it. Rusev locks in the Accolade on the outside and won’t let go so he gets DQed. Lana pretending to have an injury. Lana & Rusev kiss.

Stardust is taking on Jack Swagger with Alberto Del Rio & Zeb Colter at ring side. Titus O’Neil is on commentary. He wants to bring Stardust back to normalcy. Stardust taps out to the Patriot Lock. Del Rio cracks him with a chair. O’Neil warns Del Rio that Stardust is going to attack him. I’m not sure why the warning or attack is happening. The Rosebush gets another chance. It was mildly better. The jokes are still pretty hacky. Alberto Del Rio is angry at Zeb Colter. He then tosses him aside. Del Rio threatens Colter with a chair. Zeb rolls away. WWE blowing up their own writing.

I didn’t type during the Braun Strowman vs Tommy Dreamer match because it unfolded just like it should have, Strowman kicked Dreamer’s ass while Dreamer had minor flurries. Strowman won with the modified bear hug.

Roman Reigns gets the first promo despite being called out. Sheamus comes out with his retort. Reigns comes up with the new mock of Sheamus, “Tater Tot” for his small testicles. Sheamus has Reigns take out a chair, table and ladder. It’s as boring as it sounds in text too. Reigns spiced things up by tossing the ladder at Sheamus. After a little more contemplation, Sheamus comes in. They are having entirely too much of a fight considering they fight TLC on Sunday. I typed that sentence a good three to five minutes before Reigns capped it off by spearing Sheamus through a table. – Kevin

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply