Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 15 Aug. ’16

Saved from a blog that gets less hits than us.

Saved from a blog that gets less hits than us.

The WWE starts us off Seth Rollins calling out the Demon King. He’s going to find the Demon King by the end of the night.

Rusev & Lana come down and start complaining about last week. Raw is not going to happen unless Roman Reigns apologizes. Mick Foley comes out instead. Rusev belittles him and says that Reigns has done nothing to deserve a Title opportunity. Rusev calls for Stephanie McMahon. She obliges. Stephanie tells Rusev that he needs to respect Foley. Rusev isn’t happy with Stephanie after that response. Roman Reigns finally comes out. He makes fun of the children that are to come from their loins. Rusev tells us that he wants to defend Lana’s honor. Foley makes a non-title match tonight.

Sheamus proved that he’s better than Cesaro last week. So he’s moving on to bigger things like Sami Zayn. They have a match because of a Tweet. Cesaro comes out and joins the announce team. Nothing special happens before the break. Sheamus power slams Zayn for a two count. I miss Zayn’s mini-comeback. Zayn connects with a Blue Thunder Bomb that Cole calls a Michinoku Driver. Corey Graves corrects. Sheamus turns a Helluva Kick into an Irish Curse Back breaker. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue Kick. Cesaro comes down and distracts Sheamus. Helluva Kick for the win.

Kevin Owens & Chris Jericho have each other’s back. They have a good chemistry goofing on Enzo, Cass & Tom Phillips. Jericho using a different name for Phillips every time he addresses him is hilarious.

Cesaro & Sheamus are going to have a best of seven starting at Summerslam.

New Day still without Big E hit the ring. Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows are doing more “research on ringpostitis.” It’s not as funny as last week but it’s still something different. Comedy with an edge. Devon runs into Bubba Ray. Kofi gets the hot tag. Trouble in Paradise for the win. Gallows & Anderson’s “experiment” failed. They’re going to need more samples so they put jars for Kofi & Xavier Woods. They cut a good promo in the ring saying that while Gallows & Anderson listen. Kofi & Xavier said this issue is personal and Summerslam holds a special place in their hearts since that’s when they won the WWE Tag Team Titles.

Neville tells Seth Rollins that he isn’t ready for the Demon King.

Nia Jax‘s opponent, Rachel Levy, gets the Byron Saxton treatment. Samoan Side Suplex for the win.

Paul Heyman comes out with Brock Lesnar. Before Heyman can get much of anywhere, Heath Slater interrupts. He sounds like he’s making a pitch for Heyman as his agent but he is actually requesting a match with Lesnar. Slater tells Lesnar it’s for his kids. Lesnar suckers him in for a compassionate talk about chilren when Lesnar tells Slater he doesn’t care about his children. Lesnar tells him to get out of his face. Slater stays put. Lesnar destroys him. Heyman tells us very eloquently to get the WWE Network to watch Lesnar destroy Randy Orton at Summerslam.

Enzo comes out with Big Cass for his match against Kevin Owens. Enzo gets the mic first though. They’re going to cook up the “Canadian Bacon” at Summerslam. The match gets off to the quick start for Big Cass. Owens gets the action in his favor. Jericho takes out Enzo on the outside which distracts Cass. He comes outside and Jericho doesn’t shy from attacking. Owens & Jericho double team to take out Cass.

Roman Reigns is saying he’s ready for any kind of fight tonight when Rusev attacks from behind. Reigns tries to fight back but Rusev continues to get the upper hand. Fit Finlay and some other break them up. I guess Reigns wasn’t ready for that kind of fight.

As expected, Titus O’Neil turns on Darren Young. Primo gets the cheap win for the Shining Stars. I just can’t get behind this feud. It makes sense but I don’t care.

Jinder Mahal comes out to take on Neville. He takes out Mahal early with a corkscrew flip. Mahal begs for mercy and suckers in Neville to his attack. Neville gets back on track quickly. Red Arrow for the win. Rebuild Neville 1.0.

Mick Foley is happy to tell Stephanie that Jon Stewart will be at Summerslam. Seth Rollins comes in and is still searching for the Demon King. Foley suggests calling out the Demon King in the ring. Rollins marches out. He does so after the break. Rollins gets no response. Rollins tells us that the Demon King is only a mind game because Rollins is a terrifying opponent. Rollins has a “streaker” hit the ring. Finn Balor shows up in his Demon King outfit. They reveal the face paint and the lights finally come up. Rollins gets back into the ring. They come to blows with Balor coming out decidedly on top despite not connecting with the Coup de Grace. Corey Graves sells the Demon King gimmick as well as anyone has by talking about Balor’s aggression.

The Golden Truth is taking on Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson. I can’t give this match much effort. It’s another squash match. It’s needed for these guys who haven’t been consistent sold so far. Magic Killer for the win. Xavier Woods & Kofi Kingston come out and lay waste to Gallows & Anderson. Woods goes for the trombone “ringpostitis” but Gallows pulls Anderson out of the ring. Never in my childhood watching wrestling did I ever think to myself I’d be describing something called “ringpostitis.”

Dana Brooke owes an apology to Charlotte. She doesn’t buy Brooke’s apology or it’s an angle to get her on Summerslam, somehow. Charlotte has her match with Alicia Fox. Charlotte wins quickly. Sasha Banks comes down from the announce desk. Brooke comes out and attacks Banks. Charlotte follows by applying the Figure Four for a really long time as the refs try to break it up. Brooke runs interference.

Rusev takes on Roman Reigns to defend Lana’s honor. The match doesn’t officially start even though a serious brawl has already gone down. Rusev pushed Reigns into a post to bring about the question and break. Rusev is wearing down Reigns. He focuses on the shoulder. Rusev starts a gui choke on Reigns. He fights back for a spurt but Rusev goes dominant again. Reigns finally looks like he gets an opening. Dodging a charge really starts the come back. Rusev turns a Superman Punch into a spinning wheel kick. He drops a second rope head butt on the shoulder twice before he misses on the third attempt. Rusev catches Reigns with a kick as he went for another Superman Punch. Reigns finally connects with a Superman Punch when Rusev charges at him. Rusev catches Reigns coming in for a Spear.  Rusev freaks out. Reigns appears to turn it around only to had Rusev get the upper hand again. Rusev locks in the Accolade but Reigns ends up reaching the ropes. Rusev tosses Reigns into the ropes, he ducks and connects with a Spear for the win. More to come in audio form after Smackdown tomorrow. – Kevin DiFrango

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