Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 12 Dec. ’16

Vanna Venturi House in Chestnut Hill, built in 1989 by architect Robert Venturi, whose architecture firm is in Philadelphia.

Vanna Venturi House in Chestnut Hill, built in 1989 by architect Robert Venturi, whose architecture firm is in Philadelphia.

New Day comes out and talk about how their legacy is cemented by winning tonight. Fun trio of promos starting with Xavier Woods touching shout out to his dead grandmother, Kofi Kingston being funny and ending with some serious sexual innuendo by Big E. They bring out Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows along with Sheamus & Cesaro promptly after. I was expecting this match to be the main event. The first big moment of the match when Cesaro saves Sheamus after a Boot of Doom. Cesaro follows up with possibly the mother of all hot tags. The only thing it does though is pave the way for Kofi to nail a Trouble in Paradise for the win after Sheamus had hit a Brogue Kicked Anderson. Cesaro was held back by Big E from the outside. Now they’re going to have a party all night long. I see why the match was early now.

New Day hugs Stephanie McMahon & Mick Foley back in the celebration room. Naturally Stephanie is sprayed by champagne which is treated of more consequence than it ever should be.

Kevin Owens talks to her about the incident. He also has a suggestion. But we get neither.

Braun Strowman comes out for a match with Curtis Axel. Despite him being larger than Sami Zayn (I think), he still looks tiny compared to Strowman. Wikipedia is saying there’s a 16 pound difference. Strowman wins again. Byron Saxton interviews him awkwardly. Sami Zayn challenged him on Twitter evidently. Zayn then lobbies Mick Foley for the match. Foley still won’t give it to him. Zayn tries to compare their careers. Foley wishes someone stopped him from getting back up on the Hell In A Cell. Zayn demands a trade to Smackdown. Foley aboliges.

Lince Dorado is taking on Ariya Daivari. Dorado gets to show off his skills. DAivari gets in a big clothes line. Jack Gallagher comes out and announces his intention to interfere in his match. He calls Daivari a “scoundrel” then attacks causing a DQ. Gallagher has more mic time than 90% of the Cruiser Weight roster now.

Seth Rollins comes out for the Rollins Report. He renews his plead to take on HHH. Kevin Owens comes out then goes back stage to grab his own stool to sit on the ramp. Rollins sarcastically asks about his relationship with Chris Jericho. Rollins keeps cutting off Owens. Owens announcement is that he & Chris Jericho will be taking on New Day tonight. Jericho comes out and questions Owens choice of matches. Owens then tries to convince Jericho of why they should set aside their differences. Rollins pokes the bear. Jericho then goes to the ring, Owens tries to dissuade him but Jericho wins and they double team Rollins. Roman Reigns comes out and makes the save. Rollins goes for the Pedigree but Owens pulls Jericho out of harm’s way.

Rich Swann gets interviewed. It’s almost as if the WWE realized the cruiser weights needed mic time. He barely gets started when Brian Kendrick who tries to drive a wedge between Swann and TJ Perkins. Swann isn’t buying and neither is Perkins. TJP then challenges Kendrick. Michael Cole & Corey Graves try to make Kendrick’s championship reign sound a lot longer than it really was. Kendrick catches Perkins coming in and tosses TJP shoulder first into the post. Sliced Bread #2 for the Kendrick win.

I get a kick out of Reigns being surprised that Rollins knew the Morris Day lyrics that Mick Foley was quoting. He puts them in the match with New Day and Owens & Jericho.

Charlotte and Sasha Banks get a video about ending the war between each other. Glad this is the blow off, for now because we’re getting this feud again. Which I’ve got no problems with. Great video package.

Bayley comes out and gives away half of her wardrobe. She is fighting Alicia Fox again. The Women’s Championship is on Bayley’s bucket list according to Saxton & Cole. She just started her career! It’s not like she’s had a long career and she’s in her waning days and she hasn’t gotten the championship yet. Bayley to Belly for the win. Fox had a short window of attack proceeding it.

Lana introduces Rusev. Last week was different because he took out the trash last week. The G stands for garbage. This promo is pretty lousy. It only gets worse when they “Rick Roll” us with video of him beating up Enzo. Big Cass comes out. He tells us that Enzo is recovering. Cass is ready to take Rusev down tonight. Rusev, unlike most heels, stays to fight. Rusev makes an opening so that he can flee back stage.

Kevin Owens plays Mojo Rawley to Chris Jericho’s Zach Ryder.

Sami Zayn comes out for his possible last match on Raw against Jinder Mahal. Helluva Kick in short order for the win. Mick Foley comes out. Zayn requests the match again. Foley denies him again. Foley says the trade is for Eva Marie. Zayn flips out on Foley who then grants the match at Roadblock. They make a big deal out of the 10 minute time limit so I’m taking it he gets whooped but it goes to the time limit.

New Day come out first. Kevin Owens & Chris Jericho come out second. Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns are out last. The match picks up finally when Reigns takes control.Woods comes in and connects with a spring board elbow drop. Jericho tags in behind Woods’ back. Jericho gets a great close fall on Woods. Jericho then locks in the Walls of Jericho. Woods eventually turns it into a small package. Pop Up Power Bomb into a Code Breaker. Rollins recovers and shoves Owens into Jericho who is making the pin. Jericho & Owens argue. Rollins comes in and Pedigrees Jericho. Big E drags Rollins out of the ring. Woods puts his arm on Jericho for the win. Owens & Jericho pick up their argument after the match. Jericho leaves the ring after he notices that Reigns is ready to Spear Owens. Reigns holds both belts up as the show goes off. – Kevin DiFrango

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