Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 1 May ’17

The Leland Stanford Mansion in Sacramento CA. Saved from

The WWE starts us off with the coronation of Alexa Bliss as the new Raw Women’s Champion. I’m not sure why she would want all of the other Divas out there. You’re asking for your ass to get kicked. On the other hand, she’s a great smarmy bitch so it works. She hits the major players, Mickie James, Sasha Banks and Nia Jax before getting to Bayley. The poor other women will get bolds when the tag team match happens later. Bayley finally snaps and starts an all out brawl.

Emma, Alicia Fox, Nia Jax & Alexa Bliss are a team. Sasha Banks, Mickie James, Bayley & Dana Brooke are a team. The women that weren’t talked to are in the beginning of the match a lot. Nia Jax gets to wear down Banks later when the big names get involved. Missing knees always looks painful. Bayley gets the hot tag against Bliss. Jax breaks up a pin. Ladies get eliminated one at a time. Bliss rakes the eyes of Bayley. Bliss follows up with a DDT for the win. Somewhere, Steve Austin is smiling.

Enzo Amore is more worried about his opponent than his schtick for the most part. Big Cass & Enzo get attacked from behind Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson. A break comes before the match start. Gallows is the man in the match with Enzo. I’m not sure why this match is lasting this long. To boot, Gallows needs a distraction to win. Flap Jack for the win. The WWE probably wonders why the tag team division is a mess. Yikes.

Neville gets poked and prodded by TJ Perkins about his DQ loss to Austin Aries last night at Payback. Neville ends up turning the tables on Perkins and tells him to pull his own weight. I like the dynamic.

Seth Rollins is pumped. People may finally be starting to get behind him. He wants to take on Brock Lesnar. Finn Balor‘s music hits. I dig his t-shirt. He never lost the Universal Championship so he deserves the shot. Dean Ambrose comes out next and says that his Intercontinental Championship is thee title on Raw. The Miz comes out and gets the most mic time. If people hate Ambrose’s joking, that joke by the Miz about running in response to Rollins was worse than anything Ambrose has done in this segment. So we’re getting Miz vs Ambrose again is what they’re telling me with this triple threat match?

Brian Kendrick, Tony Nese & Noam Dar are taking on Rich Swann, Akira Tozawa & Jack Gallagher. “This is what 205 Live is about” Michael Cole after the faces kick up umbrellas. Yuck. The first significant action of the match is Tozawa taking a beating. I haven’t seen a Torture Rack used this effectively since Lex Luger. Odd that it happens in a cruiser weight match. Swann gets a fliptastic hot tag. Kendrick runs himself into a head butt by Gallagher. Nese breaks up the pin. Gallagher head butts him too. Kendrick puts on the Captain’s Hook. Tozawa breaks it up with a rough looking Shining Wizard. Tozawa & Swann take out Dar & Nese. Corner Drop Kick by Gallagher for the win.

Cesaro & Sheamus filling the tough guy heel role is not going to help Gallows & Anderson either. The Hardyz stole their moment at Wrestlemania. The fans are living in the past. They don’t raise the bar, they set the bar. They try to leave but are greeted by Matt & Jeff Hardy. They give an OK for their reasoning. They then charge the ring. Cesaro & Sheamus back off.

The Miz & Maryse are back stage so that we can confirm the match from earlier tonight. Ambrose ends up asking a question about The Miz’s hair. Can they confirm Miz as winner before enough?

Titus O’Neil is upset that Apollo Crews is talking to Heath Slater & Rhyno. Crews and Slater are opponents. The announcers talk more about O’Neil than Crews or Slater. Sit Down Power Bomb in short order for the Crew win. It looks like the picture between Crews & O’Neil may be a post match thing.

Kurt Angle gives us an update on injuries. Roman Reigns has story line injuries. Braun Strowman is said to have a torn rotator cuff which doesn’t sound very story line. Bray Wyatt greets Angle however. The low light is cracking me up. Have I just not noticed the Cthulu shirt Wyatt has or is that new? Angle tells Wyatt that Raw is his show. Wyatt tells him that it’s his “World” in response.

Dean Ambrose interviews Seth Rollins back stage. Ambrose tries to be funny. Rollins reminds Ambrose that he has beaten Ambrose before. I actually like Ambrose finishing with saying that he was fooled once by Rollins but it won’t happen again. Nice barbs to end the interview.

Austin Aries takes on TJ Perkins. I’m glad Aries was complimentary of Booker T calling him a “kid” last night. I’d take being called a kid too. Booker T forgetting he liked Rich Swann earlier in the night continues to make him the focus of the match. Perkins takes his time trying to crotch Aries. Austin pulls his legs so Perkins eats the post. Suicide Dive onto Perkins. Shin breaker/Suplex connects for Aries. Perkins goes after the bad knee. Perkins goes for the Detonation Kick. Aries reverses into a Last Chancery for the tap out win. Perkins attacks from behind. He locks in the knee bar and won’t let go. Perkins does finally.

Dean Ambrose interviews Finn Balor. He eats nerves and produces results. Awesome line. The Drifter comes by.

Kurt Angle gives Goldust & R Truth a does of truth by telling them that their record stinks. They get a tag team turmoil match as a present.

The main event starts with Finn Balor, Seth Rollins & The Miz. The funniest part of the match is Balor distracting Maryse so Rollins can give Miz a plancha from in to out of ring. Miz pushes Rollins off the top rope. The spot with Rollins & Balor on a cross body would appear as if Rollins over shot more than Balor being too close. Whatever the case, Miz takes over after it. The Miz gets off the DB kicks. Balor flips it around though. His drop kick causes Rollins to DDT Miz. Balor kicks Miz off the top rope. Balor punt kicks Miz off the apron. Balor tosses Rollins into the barricade. 1916 Suplex by Balor in the ring. Miz breaks up the pin. Miz gets tossed out of the ring again. Balor goes to charge Rollins but Miz crotches him. Miz takes over on Rollins. Miz slaps on the Figure Four. Balor punts Miz again. Still gets a two count. Balor & Rollins exchange kicks. Rollins gets the upper foot and pins Balor. Only a two is counted. Rollins double block busters Balor & Miz. Frog Splash on Balor gets a two.  Superplex followed by a Falcon Arrow only gets Rollins a two count on Miz. Suicide Dive on Balor then Miz. Samoa Joe gives Rollins an urinogi. Balor drop kicks Miz into the corner. Balor goes to the top. Bray Wyatt attacks. Sister Abigail on Balor. Miz crawls on top of Balor for the win. Time for sleep. – Kevin DiFrango

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