In a shocker to no one, the match voted best at WrestleMania VI was the legendary babyface vs. babyface, champion vs. champion, title for title match between Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. The fact that these two clods could execute such a compelling match is a testament to 30 minutes of focus on your craft and about 60 days of hard work from Pat Patterson. The result is above, as is the video of the second runner-up, Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire (who damn sure weighs 2-and-a-half) vs. Randy Savage & Sensational Queen Sherri. It’s harmless fun!
In honor of Rent-a-Center’s earth-shattering sweepstakes to meet Hulk Hogan and Troy Aikman, we thought we’d compile a list of the top 10 TV commercials starring professional wrestlers that weren’t for a professional wrestling product. These larger-than-life figures explode onto the TV screen with such abandon and fervor, such charisma and passion, that how could you *not* buy a pizza from them?
Let’s stick with the Hulkster, who hawked Right Guard in 1991 with the savoir faire of Robert Goulet and the acting chops of Mr. Belvedere. Starting this list off with anything less would be uncivilized!
Wrestlers seem to end up in commercials for food quite often. What was I saying about pizza and gargling copious amount of pills? Oh yeah, here’s Kurt Angle, following his 1996 Olympic gold medal win, ready to chow down on some Pizza Outlet:
Wow, wrestlers and pizza go together like, um, wrestling fans and bigger pizzas. Pizza Inn cashed in on the popularity of the Von Erichs in Texas in the early 1980s, but really, who in the hell is going to believe that 170-pound Mike Von Erich taught his brothers, ripped-ass Kevin and blown-up Kerry, anything about eating?
Keeping in the realm of food, I don’t have five minutes nor two scoops of Kellogg’s Eat Shit & Die for Mick Foley, but I do remember this Chef Boyardee commercial starring The Rock, pre-Hollywood but well into his puffy Nation of Domination days. Hell of a shirt, Rock; don’t date yourself too much or you might get chaffed:
Honorable mention: And because superstars’ shuckin’ and jivin’ doesn’t stop at the front door of Titan Tower, here’s Booker T and his big fat momma, eatin’ up all tha food:
I swear to sonny Jesus, this commercial with Andre the Giant made me want to try Honey Comb, and thus allowed me to become a fat shit for the first 28 years of my life:
John Cena, the face of WWE and hero to millions of children everywhere, can’t resist that double meat? Tell me he didn’t just say that!
And in the locally sold booze category: If I were you, Chicago Lake Liquors, I’d give Mad Dog Vachon a coffee break:
Of course, this wouldn’t be a discussion about great commercials with wrestlers if we didn’t include spots for Slim Jim! Here’s one with Macho Man Randy Savage and some teenagers, blowing things up Beavis and Butthead style:
And one with Ultimate Warrior and some more explosions (never let it be said that Slim Jim doesn’t understand its market; I still nice “Niiiice, antique!” every time I see a plastic chair):
More drinks: Man, the NWA/WCW got the short end of the advertising stick back in the day; while Hogan, Warrior and Savage were running wild, Rick Steiner was crawling around like a jackass with Roos on his hands:
And if you can’t land Mountain Dew like the WWF, get your first fattest babyface to drink the second-best thing!
Geez, I guess wrestlers and soda go together like wrestling fans and pizza and soda. Now here’s an idea I can get behind: Sting + population control, thanks to Sprite:
And now TNA is making deals with shitty auto insurance companies, because who better to hawk insurance you can finally pay for than wrestlers who only make $300 a week:
And finally, because we all go to our grandpa for weightlifting advice (“Back in my day, we punched a potato sack until our knuckles bled like stuck pigs! We put our polio-crippled brother on a rope and we dragged him 2 miles!”), here’s Ric Flair’s latest venture into advertising, for Fuel in a Bottle:
Oh, wait, we can’t talk about Ric Flair and TV commercials without posting Bruce Mitchell’s two favorite things in the whole world, wooin’ like Ric Flair and scratchin’ them lottery tickets:
Wow, 15 greats plus an honorable mention. Did we miss anything? Post them in a comment below!
Oh happy days! It’s time for another audio, once again manned by Kevin and Dusty. This time they openly disregard the merits of talking about Monday Night Raw. So what do they find worthy of discussion? Well, they talk in depth about Monday Night Raw’s ratings and how they compare to other shows throughout the week. They also talk about WWE’s bizarre fascination with Twitter and fan interaction, why it exists and how significant is it really. Why is Daniel Bryan getting pushed so hard when he seemingly fits into none of the brackets WWE typically likes their pushed wrestlers to fill? And why is he being pushed over guys like Cody Rhodes and Dolph Ziggler? Is John Cena secretly the puppet master behind the scenes? And how many early season Saturday Night Live references can Dusty slip into the show? You’re going to have to listen to find out, and it’s only going to cost you about 40 minutes of your life, so do it now!
It’s time for another rip roaring edition of Stunt Granny Audio, with Kevin and Dusty at the helm for your listening enjoyment. The fearless duo starts things off by talking about the illustrious new ROH World Champion, Kevin Steen. Can Dusty make up his mind on who he wants to compare Steen to? Is it Dusty Rhodes or Playboy Buddy Rose? Would a rose by any other name smell just as stinky as ROH’s decision to put the belt on him? Or does Kevin actually like the idea? One thing they definitely agree on is that ROH is in big trouble if they can’t get their shit together with regards to running the iPPVs. Are they on a mission to look as unprofessional as possible, or are they just that incompetent? They then move on to talking about the latest WWE Revolution? Is it going to be every bit as revolutionary as the last revolution? Is Kevin all revolutioned out? And finally, they delve into the earth shattering revelation of Linda Hogan and her new line of cosmetics. Dusty makes a startling confession about the whole thing, but you have to listen to find out what it is, and it’s only going to cost you about an hour of your dull, meaningless life. So get on it!
We sometimes pull out old VHS tapes or DVDs of past wrestling cards, and as we all know, pulling out never works. We’re often embarrassed watching the colorful characters of yesteryear uncharismatically shuffle around our 19-inch TV sets, our thumbs on the “stop” button in case someone comes into the room. Who are you most embarrassed to admit you cheered like a wildman for back in the day? We have a list above, but of course pro wrestling has brought us some of the most poorly thought-out ideas in entertainment, so the list could go on and on like Chris Jericho’s 1,004 holds. Let us know what you think!
Cody Rhodes and Big Show; it is written so shall it happen. Has WWE done a reasonable amount of work to make this feud viable? Does Cody Rhodes have any momentum behind him even though he has been Intercontinental champion for eight months? Just how bad is Big Shows record at WrestleMania? Which one of our hosts is genuinely surprised by this? Does beating the Great Khali even matter now? How does selective historical enforcement play in to this match as it has in the other matches so far? Click the blue link that says “WrestleMania 28 Preview #4- Big Show vs Cody Rhodes” below.
Every year, starting in 2010, we here at Stunt Granny will go through a rigorous, dangerous, possibly illegal set of votes to induct people into our own Akeem Memorial Hall of Fame. The voting is broken up into four categories: Serious Wrestlers, Fun Wrestlers, Angles, and Matches. This post is for the Angles. Here are last year’s inductees:
Hulk Hogan joins the NWO, Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon – WWF 1998, Junk Yard Dog blinded, Jerry Lawler vs. Bret Hart – WWF 1993, Big Boss Man/Big Show/coffin angle, Ric Flair retirement 2008, Brian Pillman works WWF/WCW/ECW 1996, DX invades WCW, Megapowers form – WWF 1988, Randy Savage vs. Jake the Snake – WWF 1991
And now, without any further ado, here are this year’s inductees!
Hart Foundation vs.USA, WWF 1997
The Four Horsemen form, break Dusty’s ankle
Big Boss Man/Al Snow/Pepper
Ric Flair retirement angle, WCW 1993
Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat, WWF 1987
WWF title vacated, leading to Royal Rumble to crown new champion, WWF 1991-92
Screw it, this is our default Batista picture from now on.
According to Gerweck.net (via TMZ.com), former WWE star Dave Batista plans to open an MMA training facility in Tampa, Fla., with Cesar Gracie called Gracie Fighter Jiu Jitsu. So, in other words, Cesar Gracie plans to open an MMA training facility in Tampa, Fla., while Batista sits in the corner. This is the same Dave Batista who trained for MMA and swore up and down he had a deal with Strikeforce, only to see that never come to fruition. He claims it’s because UFC bought Strikeforce and couldn’t free up the kind of money Batista said he could make for them. I claim it’s because Batista is 42 years old with a history of asthma/poor conditioning and brittle muscles and ligaments due to years and years of (anabolic) wear and tear.
Batista has claimed Ric Flair as a close friend since their days in Evolution. You may recall that, in September 2007, Flair, who is infamous for spending more money than he made, opened a business called Ric Flair Finance. (It closed in July 2008 and Flair filed for bankruptcy.) Now Batista, who has never fought one MMA fight, is opening an MMA training facility. Up next: Triple H teaches guys without ponytails how not to be a douche, and Dusty Rhodes opens a speech therapy school. -Eric
So the Stunt Granny crew went to The Hall of Fame inductions in Atlanta. Turns out the event is actually a pretty good time and it flew by. Who got zero heat at the event? Who got the loudest pop of the evening? Is it possible to silence an entire audience without saying a word? Listen in to find out just why Abdullah The Butcher never uttered a word in his career. Find out why Brad Armstrong should have never uttered a word in his career. Find out how Triple H still manages to be a total d-bag yet humorous enough to endear himself to the Shawn Michaels-sympathetic crowd. Also, who sat next to who, who had hot wives, and so much more, just one click away!
Jeremy and Kevin break down the second of the “grudge” matches at Wrestlemania. Try to follow Kevin’s logic as he looks to find a good reason Rey Mysterio picked Cody as an opponent. Did the guys like Dusty Rhodes’ part in this angle? Jeremy rants about Rey’s mask but will that be the deciding mask in his eyes? Find out when you click the link below.
