Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw

From the

From the

The Dusty Rhodes video package was so good that I had to watch it again. I don’t do that often even after deaths.

Seth Rollins gets to grace the ring after the tribute. After bragging, he starts to try and make amends for his comments to the The Authority. But then only thanks himself for getting to where he is now. Oh, I always enjoy a good Cleveland insulting. Dean Ambrose hits the ramp. Rollins meets him to brawl. Ambrose gets the upper hand so Rollins bails. Ambrose wants to continue making Rollins’s life miserable. Ambrose starts a sit in.

HHH & Stephanie are back stage when Rollins wonders in. Rollins tries to go back on the good list. I’m wondering where this story line goes. HHH tells Rollins to trust their decision about his next opponent. Dean Ambrose is still having a sit in. Sheamus comes to the ring. Sheamus is a winner, Dean is a loser. They have a match. Sheamus is having his way with the injured Ambrose at the break. Randy Orton attacks not long after. Sheamus rolls away from an RKO. At least he didn’t get his ass handed to him. J&J Security rolls up to Seth Rollins. He’s that good. Jamie Noble suggests Joey Mercury as Rollins next opponent. Mercury thinks he’s afraid of him. It’s not if Rollins loses his title, it’s when.

R Truth comes out in a sheet, fake crown and plunger. He thinks he’s on commentary but he has a match with King Barrett. Byron Saxton sneaking in the Larping match joke was underrated by his coworkers. R Truth wins quickly with a roll up. Barrett hits a Bull Hammer Elbow on him. How am I supposed to take Barrett seriously? He just lost to a very entertaining but ultimately useless character.

Kevin Owens informs us that John Cena isn’t there tonight. He issues an open challenge after besmirching Cena’s good name. Dolph Ziggler ends up answering his challenge. The jean jacket is even worse than the leather jacket. What is he thinking? He deserves to be launched over the the barrier into the chairs. Ziggler hits the big DDT to buy himself some time to rest. (Next Day Note: Ha. I tried to publish this article. I saved the Orton/Kane part of the write up but didn’t realize I lost the end of this match.) Naturally, Owens won with a pop up powerbomb because Ziggler is the jobber to the stars. Not sure why Lana wants to be with a loser. Very entertaining match though. Ziggler got to sell a bunch and Owens still looked vulnerable.

I’m already bored by the Randy Orton vs Kane match even though it just started. Sheamus shows up to make things less boring. Kane makes it a No Holds Barred match. Brogue Kick and Kane makes the pin. Seth Rollins lets Kane have it after his victory. Seth Rollins is no architect, Kane. Where’s your license? I got mine six years ago.

Ryback is on the head set. The Miz is taking on Big Show. JBL kills me by asking Ryback to toss the Miz into the Spanish announce table next time. The Big Show ends up tossing the Miz into Ryback. The Miz slides into the ring to win by count out.

Roman Reigns is pissed off. He wants Bray Wyatt right now. Reigns was ready to grab his destiny. He stole Wyatt’s opportunity in the match. Hey, a real reason to be pissed at him! Wyatt brings Reigns’s daughter into the story line which could get creepy. We don’t need little kid actors in wrestling.

Paige is taking on Brie & Nikki Bella. The announcers are playing up the no partner thing. I didn’t hear the announcers last night. I’m glad they’re saying how silly the end to last night’s match was. The Bella “Twins” wreck for an opening. Brie misses a charge. Short clothes lines. Ram-Paige gets broken up by Nikki. She ends up hitting a big fore arm. Rack Attack for the win. The correct thing happened but it makes me sick. This story line is so stupid.

I only watch Machine Gun Kelly get power bombed off the stage by Kevin Owens. That landing couldn’t have been softer.

New Day continue to be annoying in an inset promo. Good on them. Prime Time Players get an inset promo too. You can just tell they enjoy doing their promos. Neville is their tag team partner in a six man match. Poor Kofi gets the toss treatment from Titus O’Neil. Darren Young gets to sell as usual. He also got to set Neville for the victory. Young hits the knee gut buster that led to the Red Arrow for the win. They are really putting over that move. Dean Ambrose needs another taste of the title. Her’s never going to stop until he gets it. He played off of Kane very well. First person who maybe persuaded Kane the Authority is the wrong move for him.

HHH & Steph come out and drag out the announcement. Seth Rollins comes down and professes his appreciation of them. HHH gives him a big speech about evaluating their investment and how he needs to be under immense pressure. Brock Lesnar‘s new shirt should sell like hot cakes. You get to top it all off by having a different one for every city. WWE rarely hits a marketing homer run. They have a stare down. Rollins ends up exiting in the ring and staring down Lesnar as he leaves ring side. – Kevin

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