Short Story News Round Up

CM Punk is not cool.
Eric pointed this one out to me and it just proves no matter how much you think someone may be cool they have that thing about them that just deflates that opinion. Eric also pointed out that this clearly means CM Punk is banging Hayley Williams, which led to me stating the obvious “Who hasn’t?”

Stevie Richards is out of TNA.
Did anyone really care Stevie Richards was in TNA to begin with?

Scott Steiner is back in TNA
Good luck even seeing this link as PWInsider sucks a dick when it comes to pop up ads. So no real need to click it just take our word for it.

Jesse Neal has resigned with TNA

Thanks Bitch

John Cena was fined for saying the word ass.

John Cena is also a liar so whatever.

This cunt is still in the news.

Seriously, fuck this guy. He’ll win though so all of the hate is for nothing and from what I have been told, unhealthy.

ECW old-timers announced for TNA Hardcore Justice (still sounds like porn)

Balls Mahoney

The guy on the right paid $20 for this picture. He later gave Balls another $50 to rake his lawn with his teeth.

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA’s subsite for its Hardcore Justice pay-per-view lists the following ECW originals as appearing at the show. Let’s all hop in the Delorean and see who’ll be there:

-Tommy Dreamer
-Mick Foley
-Rob Van Dam
-Team 3D
-Raven
-Rhino
-Stevie Richards
-Simon Diamond
-Al Snow
-Axl Rotten
-Balls Mahoney
-Johnny Swinger

In other news, I just got my driver’s license, made out with a girl in the grade ahead of me, and drank half a bottle of vodka at my friend’s house while his parents were away. Hey, whose headlights are those?? Oh no, they’re home early! And then I barfed on the living room floor just as they walked in. My parents were tough but fair and gave me an 11 p.m. curfew for the rest of the summer. What a crazy night! -Eric

TNA/ECW angle continues to take shape, Dreamer still *out* of shape (INJURY UPDATE)

simpsons did it

"Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!"

According to Prowrestling.net, Tommy Dreamer has reached out to even more former ECW wrestlers to take part in TNA’s invasion angle. (Is it just me, or in 2010 do these guys look more like an antsy unemployment line than a group of rebellious extremists?) Dixie Carter also took part in an angle at the latest TV tapings, an angle which apparently featured Tommy Dreamer crying. I assume that means Carter told him TNA doesn’t serve catering to invaders.

In perhaps the only intriguing and fun part of this whole disgusting mess, Bill Alfonzo was backstage at the Orlando tapings, which isn’t the biggest surprise since he lives in Florida. The main reason I like this move: We haven’t seen Alfonzo in years, and the last time we saw him at length (as Sabu and Rob Van Dam’s manager) he was brilliantly entertaining as a methed-out ball of energy, screaming and shouting and spitting into the camera about how awesome his silent Sabu and laid-back RVD were. I also loved his anti-hardcore official gimmick in the original ECW, and he would be great as a niche referee a la Danny Davis, where he favors certain wrestlers over others. It’s too bad those wrestlers are fat, lazy pieces of shit like Dreamer and Raven, who haven’t meant anything to wrestling in almost a decade.

(SPOILERZ!!) One last note from Prowrestling.net: The ECW faction as of the TV tapings are RVD, Dreamer, Stevie Richards, Rhino, Raven, Brother Devon, Al Snow, and Pat Kenney (using a different first name; you’ll remember him as Simon Diamond from the original ECW). Boy, if I were world-class wrestlers like AJ Styles, Homicide, Samoa Joe, Desmond Wolfe and Kurt Angle, or up-and-comers like D’Angelo Dinero, Matt Morgan, Jay Lethal or Hernandez, or even a guy like Kevin Nash, who was about to get a singles push but can in no way wrestle the ECW style… well, I’d be fucking pissed. Say goodbye to your TV time, all for no return on this investment! -Eric

(P.S. How strange is it that TNA headlines Victory Road with a four-way match a month after WWE’s Fatal Four-Way, and then they book this invasion angle after WWE gets the ball rolling with Nexus? I guess the best thing to do with manure is spread it; recycle angles from 15 years ago AND 15 minutes ago! Dummies.)

INJURY UPDATE: Hahahahaha! Are you kidding me? According to Prowrestling.net (and first reported to me by Jeremy Maes over IM at about 3 p.m. thanks to his Wrestling Online newsletter), Tommy Dreamer tore his MCL during the taping of TNA’s ECW invasion angle. Dreamer posted on his Twitter:

“I did tear my MCL in knee Monday night. I must keep my no surgery streak alive. Need brace, tape, gum, and peanut butter to keep it together.”

Yeah, you need peanut butter.

More Sheep Led To Slaughter

Look, get the hell out of here.

Look, get the hell out of here.

WWE continued to clean its cupboards today as they released even more wrestlers, a diva and yet another referee. None of the cuts will resonate on WWE television at all with the exception of Colin Delaney.

Colin Delaney- this was another one that after Tuesday night it made no sense for him to be an employee of WWE. He weighs about 100 lbs and has incredibly white skin even for a white guy. He was never supposed to be an employee of WWE in the first place and the fact they signed him to a contract with him is a mystery. As soon as Colin turned heel he was perpetually bitched out by Mark Henry and finally Tommy Dreamer ending his stint in WWE. This one is kind of a surprise as well since they just signed him to a deal a few months ago. WWE had to know that he was not a good fit for a company that still prides itself on looks first and talent second. What a shame, this could have been a really cool story years down the line if he would have remained employed. Although, his Independent stick just went up.

I'm available for bookings.

Stevie Richards- Well the hammer finally fell on good old Stevie. He had a nice long run with WWE and actually had some fun angles. He took over Sunday Night Heat and renamed it Stevie Night Heat. He was the ringleader of the RTC. He helped train with the McMahons and was trusted to work behind the scenes on some of their bigger matches. Stevie always seemed like he was going to fall in to the Scotty Too Hotty, Val Venis and Funaki stable of wrestlers who fall under the firing radar. Apparently someone pulled back his invisibility cloak and found him lounging about Titan towers. I have never said this before with a degree of seriousness but he is a guy that could really help TNA behind the scenes and in front of the camera. Problem with that is they have 237 wrestlers to fit in a two hour episode of Impact as it is.


The Highlanders (Robbie & Rory McCalister)- Is there any reason this waited until Friday when the writing was on the mat Monday night? This was called by yours truly as soon as I saw them in the ring with Cryme Tyme. These two were never given a chance to shine as a modern day Sheepherders type of gimmick. Instead they were a watered down Bushwhackers that just didn’t work. Then Robbie goes and gets caught on TNA TV. The fact they made it this long is an accomplishment.

Cherry is a mild surprise but on the surface she did not fit the WWE mold. She did not have centerfold model looks and they always dressed her conservatively. Whenever this happens and you are a valet instead of a wrestler your days are numbered. She was saddled with the stupid roller skates that made her legs look short and squatty but then they gave her sneakers which accomplished the exact same thing. The only thing to really remember her by was her bikini contest appearance that gave me some pant twitches. Right after that they put her in a burlap sack and made her pout around with the greasers.

Wes Adams- Who the fuck is Wes Adams? He wore a referee shirt and wasn’t named Jack Doan so he does not matter.

-Jeremy

More WWE cuts, including kind of a shocker

Im gonna have a lot more time for THESE!

"I'm gonna have a lot more time for THESE!"

After some summer cleaning this past week, WWE has released another grip of superstars, including 10-year employee Stevie Richards (pretty big surprise, but he’ll find work immediately), recent signee and indy/Chikara favorite Colin Delaney (assholes), Cherry (former manager of Deuce & Domino and current hot chick I’m gonna miss), the Highlanders (with such a nothing-happening tag division, of course they’d release a tag team!), and referee Wes Adams (the guy who screwed up the Mark Henry & Matt Hardy vs. John Morrison & Miz match on ECW this past Tuesday). Oh yes, they all got “future endeavored.” I like how that’s the new euphemism, like “battling demons” or “wrestling methodically” or “quit fucking our married employees, Barbara Bush.”

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 277 other followers

%d bloggers like this: