I would be less surprised to find out Matt was carrying Jeff’s baby. Anyway, according to one of the many ways the Hardyzzz connect with their fanz on them Internetz, Jeff Hardy and his special lady Beth have an extreeeeeme-ly important announcement. A due date. A pregnancy. The pregnancy of what? Of their first baby, silly! The video opens with lullaby-like piano music, and Jeff waxing nostalgic about his deceased mom and Shannon Moore’s dad, who was apparently in the room to wave hello to Jeff but was still dead? The timeline must be off, but at least Shannon had the good taste to stand on top of his father’s tombstone. (Jeremy just said on IM how that was trash, and that Matt had the gall to go out in public wearing a trench coat that makes him look five feet wide. Yeah, it’s the trench coat.) Jeff then slowly unveils the big secret like it’s a wrestling promo, saying there’s a pregnancy (as Jeremy said, like she’s the virgin Mary) and a due date, but then he says he won’t tell us the due date. Fine then, I’ll call 1-800-FLOWERS back and cancel the bouquet, you selfish prick.

Anyway, best of luck, not to the new parents but to the baby for growing up in whatever imaginary world these freaks contrive for it. -Eric