Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Dan Hamhuis was an incredibly smooth skater.

So this blog is starting about as late as I can tolerate. I had tickets to the Vancouver Canucks at Columbus Blue Jackets game tonight. My friend Sean & I got an upgrade by way of (virtually) his in-laws, who supplied part of the metal package for Nationwide Arena when it was built so they have tickets for life. In the third row on the Jackets attack side for two periods. I always dwelled on the bad side of sitting low, you can’t see the other side of the rink. That complaint is still valid but it was cool to see the grunt work and foot work of some of the skaters. The hard work in the corners goes a bit under appreciated higher up even if you see plays develop better. I was certainly bummed that Ryan Kesler (former Buckeye) not being available for the game. The Henrik & Daniel Sedin for the Canucks and Rick Nash & Jeff Carter were a pleasure to watch for doing all the small things right. Wow. I’m never sure how people don’t appreciate the level of skill in hockey more than is widely acknowledged. Is my love for hockey that obvious, huh? Well, time to get to the wrestling love. No over run was taped. Let’s roll.

I get to FF under HHH grabs a mic. Thanks for making this review go quicker WWE. Trips gets in his pops for his ego. HHH stealing Ric Flair’s broomstick wrestling plan. By the way, don’t accuse Jackets fans of stealing chants from the Columbus Crew on Twitter. Evidently that pisses them off. Needless to say, that made sure I wore my early 90′s Canucks jersey to the game tonight. Cena arrives so he can get his share of the spot light. Everyone wants Cena to join the protest. My feed breaks up as Cena rattles off GMs. Cena stays. Yeah from the fans. This feed really sucks tonight. Stupid Wide Open West kind of sucks for HD. I hate saying bad words about them since they have had such a good product for the past 8 years. The Great White solves the feed problem. Sheamus blows HHH. Irish Yarn is staying too. CM Punk explains himself. And gets his cheap pops too. The biggest names in the company stick with HHH. Punk and his blazers crack me up. Punk doesn’t segue well.

After the commercial break, we get Vince. Cena & Sheamus are sent off so 2 guys not on the road to kill more TV time. My feed was awful tonight. I would be outraged if I weren’t half asleep already. Vince gets to can HHH. WE get an interim GM, John Wooden Delivery. The board turned off Raw when most of theirs fans did evidently.

The Superstars are idiots for being happy about this. Glad Morrison stood up to him. Too bad he’s going to get buried. Christian gets to deliver the Killswitch. JR segues into Christian by talking about Canadian Thanksgiving and schooling Cole. Glad we got that out of the way. Wow, even further buried than I expected. Why can’t JR or King point out the hypocrisy of this faction? You skipped this point on Smackdown with Matthews & Booker.

Johnny Wooden Crotch gets to suck on camera more. A video package lets me do more FF. Easy show to review so far.

Mark Henry takes on Randy Orton. Cole jumps on JR for one small mistake. Why is Cole the teflon announcer? King & JR never pick on his poor grammar. I’m just waiting for Show to interfere. Donkey balls suckage on my feed tonight. Rhodes costs Orton the match. Good move on feud for both of them but I don’t see Orton putting over Rhodes. His mic work is damn good but his look & character still blow. Henry gets some heat by assaulting Orton. Rhodes got to paper bag Orton and say something while my feed broke up even more.

Something is happening with the women. This feed is unreal tonight. I’ve never had this much trouble even in HD. Eve wins with a moonsault. She’s more suited size wise to take on Beth but they buried her last month. Are they going to build her up now? The WWE makes my feed worse by trotting out Johnny Wooden Nuts again. Of course they’d fire JR in Oklahoma. I’m assuming here people. I heard the first half of the reason but the second half goes scrambled. I hear King say JR was fired. Cole gets to be super annoying. It works for this moment but I’m going to be tired of him even more having to carry the load again.

Air Boom & Mason Ryan take on Dolph, Jack & Otunga. Cole gets to took his horn. Yep, annoyed in a bad way already. Predictably we get team arguing leading to a commercial break. Can we just call this most predictable Raw ever?

Even with my jacked up feed, I’ve gotten the gist of the show. It’s like those science experiments where you can read words even when the letters aren’t in the correct order. Did Otunga put the Harvard shield on his trunks. Great goodily moodily.

Talk about a predictable wardrobe change.

Ryan gets the victory. He can’t be in a match and look bad. Why can’t Otunga take that pin instead of Dolph. He’s the best wrestler in that threesome. I get to FF thru some serious garbage.

CM Punk takes on Del Rio for the main event. Quality match analysis isn’t going to happen with this bull shit feed. Johnny Wooden Peg Leg gives us a tag team match instead. Miz & R Truth are reinstated. Holy predicatble Batman. Is my feed that terrible or is the crowd pretty much sitting on its’ hands?

Match quality still can’t be evaluated by yours truly. How long will it take them to name a GM? It isn’t going to be anyone in the family. Let the speculation, zzzzzzz, huh, what? Where was I? Oh, let the speculation begin. Del Rio leaves ring side.  If this night stays predictable Punk wins. That would be unwise considering the returns of Miz & Truth. Seemed like more boos were coming when the feed clears up. And Punk was taking control when the taping ends. Thank goodness. Unreal terrible feed tonight. -Kevin

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