Alex Shelley Signs With The WWE. Is Something More In Store?

Posted on August 22, 2012 by stuntgranny

Over the weekend, Prowrestling.net reported that Alex Shelley was signed by WWE. They thought this would open the door for the WWE to sign other TNA talent such as Matt Morgan who has burned through his dates in TNA and is currently sitting out. That part could be true but there may be something else afoot.

According to my sources though, the WWE is preparing itself to start a cruiser weight program when or if the WWE Network ever gets off the ground. It would explain the alleged signing of Johnny Gargano back in July. The only problem with this theory is that the WWE still doesn’t have a cable carrier for it or a launch date since they pushed it back on April 1st. In fact a WWE Network hasn’t been mentioned at all.

The same sources named another possible addition to the cruiser weight roster and one who is familiar to WWE Tough Enough, Matt Cross. He’d have a built in story line to start off the programming. The WWE could further cherry pick from PRIME Wrestling and nab Bobby Beverly, Bobby Shields and Louis Lyndon. Those three would need some work but the WWE doesn’t have enough talent for that type of division.

In house, they could move Cody Rhodes to a cruiser weights because they’re lost on what to do with him right now. He could even drag along his current feud, Sin Cara. Please, we’re begging you to get him, his mood lighting and his slightly less botch-tacular move set off of our televisions. His former body double, Hunico, could use more TV time too. Just to single out all of the Latino wrestlers all at one time like any good WWE writer, Epico & Primo along with the lovely Rosa Mendes would be fine additions. Yoshi Tatsu could add another level of xenophobia to the division so it isn’t taken up by those dirty Mexicans. Evan Bourne, if he could stop smoking pot like he’s Kevin Smith, could be a force in the division. Justin Gabriel and Michael McGillicutty are the forgotten members of Nexus but they’d fit into the division too. Tyson Kidd got a push for a hot second when the Money In The Bank PPV came around but he could move up a couple of rungs (Wokka wokka) in this type of environment.

Do I trust the WWE to do this much thinking about their programming? Not for a split second. I’d feel great for the hard working guys, especially the ones from PRIME Wrestling, to get some extra exposure and hopefully money that they deserve working for the WWE. -Kevin

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WWE Studios, Warner Bros. teaming to make Scooby-Doo movie… Kevin will love it

Posted on August 17, 2012 by stuntgranny

#ThingsAWDidntTweet Hey @CMPunk Scooby-Doo gonna take a bathroom break on yo face!

According to Prowrestling.net (and news outlets around the ‘net), WWE Studios is teaming with Warner Bros. to create an animated Scooby-Doo movie about a “WrestleMania mystery,” using the voices of WWE superstars Triple H, John Cena, Kane, The Miz, Brodus Clay, Santino Marella, Sin Cara, AJ, and Vince McMahon. I’ve read a few articles lamenting the absolute demise of the Attitude Era and how this movie signifies the ringing of the bell on a better era in wrestling history. Well, you know what? All good things must come to an end, and WWE would be damn stupid not to make this partnership happen. Do you realize what Scooby-Doo appearances did for the Harlem Globetrotters? They used to be the Harlem Harlemtrotters. Sonny and Cher? Skyrockets on their asses. Five-year-olds buying their records on a daily basis.

This is big news, not just for the pre-K kids in the crowd, but for the pot heads, too. It’s no secret that Scooby and Shaggy smoked weed (well, Shaggy smoked it and then blew it in Scooby’s face, like any good pet owner would), so I could totally see Warner Bros. leveraging their media ownership to give Adult Swim the broadcast rights to this movie in 2015, when we come back around to another era of violence and curse words. I mean, that is, assuming the movie is the least bit smart and funny, which it won’t be if WWE writes it. Even bigger of a travesty is if Evan Bourne doesn’t make some sort of appearance, M I RITE? -Eric

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CM Punk may want to shut the fuck up

Posted on August 10, 2012 by stuntgranny

Just wow.

CM Punk may be a popular wrestler but on Twitter he sure comes across like kind of a prick. Unless this is part of some angle over social media tying back in to his straight edge gimmick it is pretty stupid. He didn’t like the fact that Jon Joes, he of UFC fame, got an endorsement deal with Nike after he was arrested for DUI.  Punk took to Twitter where he has stuck the virtual foot in his mouth before and tweeted:

Let’s reward more drunk drivers with endorsement deals! #responsibility

In the interest of fairness here is a quick rundown of WWE superstars that WWE actively uses to promote the brand and push their merchandise.   Ya know, since they shouldn’t be doing this since they got busted as well.  Oh and for the hell of it I am going to include some active WWE independent contractors who were suspended by the WWE for a wellness policy violation. Ya know, just to rub it in.

Oh and all of these guys have their own WWE action figures to boot because if there is one thing children love it is playing with is action figures of DUI offenders and Wellness Policy violators. Do they make a two pack if you got busted more than once?

Santino Marella

Alex Riley

Jimmy Uso

Randy Orton (twice)

Rey Mysterio (twice)

Evan Bourne (twice)

Booker T

Darren Young

Dolph Ziggler

Heath Slater

R-Truth

Sin Cara

You get the point right? So , um,  CM Punk probably should shut the fuck up about this. Since he works for a company that actively promotes wrestlers who have made the same mistakes that Jon Jones has.  It is called atonement.  Everyone gets an opportunity to do so after a mistake.  WWE clearly gives people more than one chance huh? SO what is the difference with Jon Jones? -Jeremy

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@WWE Roster Game Special

Posted on May 23, 2012 by stuntgranny

The choices weren’t always easy.

This is a very special edition of Stunt Granny Audio, folks, because in this one Eric, Kevin and Dusty join forces to play the illustrious WWE Roster Game! For those not familiar, this is the game where the Stunt Granny-ites go to the roster page on WWE.com and pare the roster down, with the logic being they would be operating a weekly two hour show every week and they can fill their roster however they see fit in order to have the best company possible and make the most money possible. Because WWE.com changed their roster page format, this time the guys have 18 lines of 5 wrestlers each to pick from, and they pick 2 wrestlers from each line, for a total of 36 pieces of talent. Who do they keep? Who do they kick to the curb? Which were the easiest choices? Who were the most agonizing omissions? How many e’s does Justin Roberts put in Mr Cena’s first name? For all these answers and more, you can only find out by listening, so for god’s sake do it.

Stunt Granny Audio Show WWE Roster Game 2012

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Rey Mysterio suspended again

Posted on April 26, 2012 by stuntgranny

According to WWE.com, Rey Mysterio got his ass suspended again due to a Wellness Policy Violation. Initial reaction ranges from; “Huh, how the hell do you get suspended when you are hurt?” to “What a dumbass.”

STAMFORD, Conn. – In accordance with its Talent Wellness Program, WWE has suspended Oscar Gutierrez (Rey Mysterio) for 60 days effective Thursday, April 26 for his second violation of the company’s policy.

This marks the second violation for Rey Rey and thus he is getting hit with the 60 day variety suspension. Upon his return he can be paired with Evan Bourne in a team named “How fucking stupid are you?” -Jeremy

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #Raw

Posted on January 23, 2012 by stuntgranny

I wonder if anyone in Impact Wrestling will visit the Funky Buddha Lounge in London.

I got nothing for a picture right now so suck it. I’ll add it later when some theme pops in my head. It’s been a good day and a bad day. The first bad part was forgetting to post the Pro Wrestling Ohio show I reviewed yesterday. I’ll do it sometime tomorrow. Sorry guys. The new show is taped and more free time is around the bend with only one more football game left. I’ll keep up better with the free time. The other bad thing, my buddy Mittan is not coming up for the Machine Head concert tomorrow. And that’s my good news, I’m still going to see Machine Head tomorrow. They’re awesomeness. Let’s roll.

Why is Evan Bourne still in the opening montage? We start with Mr. Clobberin’ Time CM Punk. He is barely started and the crowd is eating out of his hand. Boos & cheers on command. Punk calls out Johnny Wooden GM but that call is answered by John Cena? Huh? Cena calls Johnny so that Zack Ryder can get a rematch and for his own match at the Royal Rumble. Johnny books a match between Ryder and Kane for tonight. Cena & Punk are wrestling to start the show. Interesting. Vickie Guerrero introduces Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger. Dolph tells Punk to worry about him and not Johnny. Why is Swagger getting the mic? Oh my goodness. Dead meat? That’s all he’s got? Even worse than I expected. Punk looks strange wrestling in his shorts.

My money is on Swagger taking the pin fall. Looks like I was wrong. Punk gets screwed again by Johnny. Punk wants Johnny to come out of retirement to take him on tonight. Johnny accepted but I’ve got an feeling there is going to be a trick up his shoulder. Cool tries to sell this as being cool. I don’t care that the GM can wrestle. It’ll be a terrible match if it happens. I don’t want executives playing any sport. I want athletes in a sport. Certain people are better at certain jobs.

Let’s see if this week is the one that we get a promo. Mitchell gives us a brief history of the Highlight Reel. Jericho tells us to wait as he goes backstage to grab a t shirt cannon. So there’s no speech this week. Jericho then operates the camera. I got nothing. We get a visual review of the Highlight Reel. People are still cheering. Bunch of sheep. Ah, Jericho predicts the end of the world as we know it at the Rumble. At least he’s not going to be a harbinger of the apocalypse.

(more…)

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Stunt Granny Audio Show #172

Posted on January 19, 2012 by stuntgranny

The show gets off to a rousing start when Kevin stumbles onto pictures of Rosa Mendes. Him and Jeremy talk about the tag team titles changing hands at a house show, the quality of tag team wrestling in general and of course Evan Bourne. How dumb can one man be? Who thinks he should take a stand? Will he ever earn back the WWE’s trust? Jeremy & Kevin move on to talking about Daniel Bryan. Is the heel turn working? Is AJ a good addition to his act? Another experiment talent for the WWE is Dolph Ziggler. Who could be his opponent at Wrestlemania? Are the guys getting ahead of themselves? They continue talking Raw by discussing the dynamics of CM Punk’s feud with John Laurinitis. Is John as Wooden as Kevin claims? Did Punk do something this week that he hasn’t done in a while? Does it help Punk when he acts like an arrogant ass that no one should root for? Jeremy & Kevinwind down the show with Kurt Angle’s preposterous claim. Will he really be at the Royal Rumble? Is there a good reason to bring him in? Just how bad are the movies he’s been in? Find out that and more by clicking on the link below!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #172

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WWE suspends Evan Bourne yet again, gives him 60 days to smoke synthetic pot and watch kung fu movies

Posted on January 17, 2012 by stuntgranny

Yep, that's two strikes, dummy!

According to Prowrestling.net, WWE has suspended Evan Bourne for 60 days for his second violation of the Wellness Policy. Word around the campfire is that Triple H really doesn’t like (or probably more accurately doesn’t *get*) Evan Bourne, but Stephanie McMahon sees something marketable in him and wants to keep him around. So on one hand, you feel bad for the guy who gets over despite not being a steroid-laden, brittle 260-pounder and who gets targeted by the bodybuilding mark.

On the other hand, hey dipshit, I know you like weed, but you JUST GOT SUSPENDED for this nine weeks ago! Look, we all know it’s fun to get high; kids should do it early and often so they can understand benefits like hallucination and time-travel, plus increase their appreciation for frozen pizza. But when you’re willingly and energetically letting it cost you your job, there’s only one person to blame: Yoshi Tatsu, for not pissing clean for you. -Eric

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #Raw

Posted on January 16, 2012 by stuntgranny

The Frozen Diamond Face Off between Ohio State & Michigan at Progressive Field in Cleveland.

I hope you had a good weekend. I did in the fine city of Cleveland. I had some fantastic beer at the Market Garden Brewery (St. Emeric’s Stout was the best. The Pearl Street Wheat was a close second.) then I picked up some killer andouille sausage and Krakow keilbasa at the West Side Market. At night, wegot to eat at Fahrenheit. Absolutely fantastic food, highly recommended if you don’t mind dropping $25+ on a meal. We attended the game on Sunday. Michigan put a serious hurting on OSU. I was not surprised to hear (although I didn’t confirm) that Michigan has ten NHL draft picks. OSU (also not confirmed) has five draft picks. That’s a whole lot of talent on the ice. Great time if you don’t mind being outside in 25 degree temperatures. Enough about the weekend, let’s roll.

Mick Foley gets to hear the same reaction he heard when the Rock was beating the tar out of him all of those years ago with a chair since they’re in Anaheim, absolutely nothing. They are easily the worst crowd in wrestling. A Pro Wrestling Ohio crowd has a better reaction. Dolph comes down and runs down Foley. Dolph killed. Foley did a good job of playing his part. CM Punk then arrives. Punk does a good job of mixing comedy and being serious. Johnny Wooden GM kills the momentum. Jesus, this crowd actually does something but only chants “What?” Fuck Anaheim. Johnny Law says no Mick Foley in the Royal Rumble. Somehow I get the idea he’s going to get in or else they wouldn’t have floated the idea out there. Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler recap the dunce move of giving away the tag titles at a house show.

Rosa smokes more than the andouille sausage I bought. At least we got the footage. They have less light at their house show footage than PWO. Terrible. Of course Bourne took the pin. He’s taking the beating to start the match too. Did I mention that it’s not fair the Hunico & his man crush get stuck with a low rider bike and Epico & Primo get Rosa? The tag titles mean jack. Johnny is back in our lives. He mysteriously talks to someone. The reveal is Jericho who turns off the lights and let’s the jacket sign. OK, I’m amused by the mute act again.

Zack Ryder still gets Eve Torres. He goes serious to sell the injury and show his resolve. He can work on the facials a bit. I like the message though. Kane replay.

We got Jack Swagger before the commercial break. Ryder arrives after. How the mighty have fallen. Ryder kicks out of the Swagger Bomb. Even worse, he kicks out of a second. A third one does him in. For some reason, they give him the title. I’m confused. I love Zack and all but he’s not ready to move up the card, the usual reason for losing that title. Is he injured? Did I miss something other than the crowd going crazy for him?

(more…)

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WWE blows chance to let tag titles earn two thin dimes, Epico & Primo win belts at house show

Posted on January 16, 2012 by stuntgranny

According to Prowrestling.net, Epico & Primo beat Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston at Sunday’s WWE house show in Oakland, Calif., to win the WWE Tag Team Titles. For those of you who have been following along, Epico & Primo have defeated the now-former tag team champions numerous times on television, including WWE Tribute to the Troops, a December 2011 edition of Superstars, and other times I’m failing to recall because WWE doesn’t create any sort of importance with this title. Which leads me to…

… my idea for the tag titles that’s now shot all to hell. It’s funny, because I was actually thinking about this on the toilet Sunday morning: To put a little emphasis on this simmering feud, segment 3 of Raw this week could have seen Air Boom being introduced for a match, and Epico & Primo attacking them on the ramp. Replay replay replay, by which time the Os have returned backstage to be interviewed by Josh Mathews about their motives: “We’ve pinned them three times and still haven’t gotten a title shot!” Boom, done. How hard was that? That’s not to say WWE can’t make chicken salad out of this chicken shit; as I postulated in a previous article, WWE had cameras at this house show, footage from which they could show tonight, which would also feature the shiny new lighted stage! I’m peeing my pants with excitement as I write! Oops, better hold it, Bourne could use it to pass his next piss test. -Eric

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