Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #Raw

The Frozen Diamond Face Off between Ohio State & Michigan at Progressive Field in Cleveland.

I hope you had a good weekend. I did in the fine city of Cleveland. I had some fantastic beer at the Market Garden Brewery (St. Emeric’s Stout was the best. The Pearl Street Wheat was a close second.) then I picked up some killer andouille sausage and Krakow keilbasa at the West Side Market. At night, wegot to eat at Fahrenheit. Absolutely fantastic food, highly recommended if you don’t mind dropping $25+ on a meal. We attended the game on Sunday. Michigan put a serious hurting on OSU. I was not surprised to hear (although I didn’t confirm) that Michigan has ten NHL draft picks. OSU (also not confirmed) has five draft picks. That’s a whole lot of talent on the ice. Great time if you don’t mind being outside in 25 degree temperatures. Enough about the weekend, let’s roll.

Mick Foley gets to hear the same reaction he heard when the Rock was beating the tar out of him all of those years ago with a chair since they’re in Anaheim, absolutely nothing. They are easily the worst crowd in wrestling. A Pro Wrestling Ohio crowd has a better reaction. Dolph comes down and runs down Foley. Dolph killed. Foley did a good job of playing his part. CM Punk then arrives. Punk does a good job of mixing comedy and being serious. Johnny Wooden GM kills the momentum. Jesus, this crowd actually does something but only chants “What?” Fuck Anaheim. Johnny Law says no Mick Foley in the Royal Rumble. Somehow I get the idea he’s going to get in or else they wouldn’t have floated the idea out there. Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler recap the dunce move of giving away the tag titles at a house show.

Rosa smokes more than the andouille sausage I bought. At least we got the footage. They have less light at their house show footage than PWO. Terrible. Of course Bourne took the pin. He’s taking the beating to start the match too. Did I mention that it’s not fair the Hunico & his man crush get stuck with a low rider bike and Epico & Primo get Rosa? The tag titles mean jack. Johnny is back in our lives. He mysteriously talks to someone. The reveal is Jericho who turns off the lights and let’s the jacket sign. OK, I’m amused by the mute act again.

Zack Ryder still gets Eve Torres. He goes serious to sell the injury and show his resolve. He can work on the facials a bit. I like the message though. Kane replay.

We got Jack Swagger before the commercial break. Ryder arrives after. How the mighty have fallen. Ryder kicks out of the Swagger Bomb. Even worse, he kicks out of a second. A third one does him in. For some reason, they give him the title. I’m confused. I love Zack and all but he’s not ready to move up the card, the usual reason for losing that title. Is he injured? Did I miss something other than the crowd going crazy for him?

We get a replay of what just happened. Thanks. (That’s sarcasm.) Johnny Wooden GM claims he’s sorry. Eve yells at him. I’ve liked where they’ve put his character. The Anaheim crowd does the greatest thing ever and boos Perez Hilton. Kelly Kelly & Alicia Fox come out first. The Bellas are wrestling? What is happening? No wonder Twitter was in a rage. I’m not quite caught up. Now he interferes in the match. What a terrible roll up. What a train wreck. What happened to Beth Phoenix? Did I miss an injury for her too? They replay AJ getting run of by the Big Show. They still love Smackdown like a red headed step child.

R Truth is interrupted by Wade Barrett‘s music. I just saw the Raw stamp. Is this the mid main event angle? Wade & Truth are in a bigger spot than normal. Are they getting money for mentioning Disney Land? Second time tonight. We even got fake pictures. I was hoping for the real deal. That would have been awesome. Instead, they go with a Pinocchio joke. Woof. Truth did good on the serious end. Still sucks on the funny end. Miz attacks Truth, Sheamus makes the save. Teddy Long makes an over the top rope challenge because it’s a Super Show. At least they’re making an effort to make an excuse. Miz turns on Barrett to get him tossed first. All three brawl at various points. I’m surprised they’ve been able to keep Sheamus relevant & rolling while feeding him no one any time recently. Truth tossed Miz & Sheamus because they were tangled up. A weird outcome. Figured Sheamus would win. I’m not buying the “unpredictable” angle they’re selling. Johnny Wooden GM gets a berating from John Cena who makes a match at the Rumble for Cena with Kane then Swagger for tonight.

Cool gets to play the irony card while defending Swagger. Cena goes on the assault. He goes on an ass kicking. Cool continues to play the irony card. Interesting turn for Cena. They’re trying to give Cena an edge. It doesn’t help that Lawler does a piss poor job of defending Cena. Kane tells us he’ll have embraced the hate by the Royal Rumble. Cena acts concerned. I dig it.

The Funkasaurus Brodus Clay gets a big intro again. Glad they’re keeping the dancers. JTG is the victim. He’s still getting the push as a monster. Funk It is his finisher. Cool in no way should be enjoying this. Stop breaking character dummy.

I catch up on some clerical work for the column as they replay the Big Show/AJ/Daniel Bryan saga. Bryan is selling AJ’s injuries. He claims Big Show could have stopped. Crocodile tears I tell you! Bryan is going to make Big Show pay. The WWE needs more heels. I’m fine with him going to the dark side. The crowd boos him dedicating the match to AJ. Oh, he’s part of the tag team match. Jericho goes next. Intro city. Commercial city. Probably.

CM Punk gets the camera time after the break which is a little weird. The heels all came down during the break then one last face. Bryan forets how to leap frog for some reason. Solid recovery by Ziggler to start working on the leg. Jericho gets chants and will be the last one in the ring in this match. Does he turn on his team mates? I’d imagine this match determines whether he goes heel or face. The no speech has kept that aura. I watch Smackdown last night and tonight. Otunga has improved in the ring. His personality still sucks. Jericho gets the hot tag. He ignores the match and makes the crowd cheer. He tags in Daniel Bryan and walks away. I hope this pay off, um pays off.

Daniel Bryan is catching another beating. Punk gets the second hot tag. Henry starts tossing around Bryan outside the ring. They both leave. Mick Foley joins Punk. Third hot tag of the match. Foley goes after Otunga. See, I knew he’d get a crack at the Rumble. Anaheim actually has a pulse and pops for Foley. Mandible Claw with Mr. Socko wins the match. I can handle a small dose of Foley. Johnny Wooden GM says that Foley lied. Expected that. The decision is reversed. Big whoop. Punk gets to berate Johnny again. He’s jealous because Punk is the man and he failed as a wrestler. Punk dropping a big time promo for the first time in a while. He’s not been terrible but that one was a homer. Foley gets to give him a similar speech. Johnny is tired of being pushed around and insinuates he will be named full time GM. Thanks for taking a dump on Punk’s promo. Johnny clocks Mick. Story to be continued. Should have done that before Punk crushed it. -Kevin

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